In Search of... Good Parenting Tips

by MerryMagdalene 9 Replies latest social family

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  MerryMagdalene

  Calling all parents who raised children according to Borg guidelines or anyone who was raised that way him- or her-self and, thus, is aware of the damage often thereby done...

  I was raised as a 4th generation JW, drew away at least a decade ago, and am now the mother of a wonderful 3 year old girl. I am looking for some words of wisdom to keep in mind as I do my best to raise her in a sane and loving manner.

  Any ideas on positive things to keep in mind?

  And what about negative things to watch out for (you know, those nasty things we don't even realize are still part of our psyche until they jump out and scream "BOO!")?

  Any comments and suggestions would be much appreciated! Thanks.
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  Netty

  Hello there, welcome,

  My first thought is

  1) Enjoy

  2) Let them be children

  3) Enjoy watching them be children.

  I have a 6 and a almost 3 year old, and the more I watch them do all the things we did not get to do as witnesses (I was raised in the twoof since age 4), the more i realize I did not get to enjoy being a child. My therapy, is in watching them do what I did not get to do.

  Have fun, soak in every bit of their facial expressions and excitment when you ask them what they want for their birthdays, when they get excited about going to cousins/friends birthday parties, or holiday functions at school.

  and if you put them in any sports, sheesh, guess I just learned the hard way, there is lots of competitiveness in sports, parents are animals, so beware of that, that is definatley something that will jump out at you with a big BOO, we were never exposed to that being we couldnt do extracuriccular stuff.
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  TrailBlazer04

  I wasn't raised in "the borg" but I was raised by a mother who had NO clue that kids would be kids. My kids are now 21, 17 and 14...the best advice I can give is...just let them be kids, with all the goofiness, disorganization, mess, clutter, spilt milk, etc. that kids at those ages can create.

  I grew up in a very regimented atmosphere...and I guess I've rebelled against it. My kids were/are raised as essentially free spirits...very few rules, however those 2 or 3 are set in stone...basically, respect for yourself and others is the overarching thing in our home.

  Kids are great...enjoy the imagination...give them all sorts of opportunities to indulge it.

  TB
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  bikerchic

  MM good questions. As a parent who raised my 5 in the B'org and wishing I knew then what I know now, I get these serious questions from my kids who are raising their kids outside of the B'org as well. I have no words of wisdom except to read everything you can and define your own values/rules/life purpose from a composite of what you feel is best for you and your children.

  Here is a good link that has too many valuable books to choose from, hope it helps you on your journey:

  http://www.drlaura.com/reading/

  Remember there are no guarantees but the most important thing (besides love) you can give your children is time, your time!

  Happy parenting!

  Kate
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  avishai

  having worked with kids for years, I think the best thing I learned was not to take things personally from them. They're a kid for chrissakes. Don't be reactive, meaning, look at why something they do makes you angry. Never discipline them because you are angry. Discipline them with a structured, already in place method, not out of instantaneous anger. Which is not to say if they run out in front of a car and damn near get hit to blow it off. In instrances like that it's good for 'em to know that you are pissed ff and scared.

  Love them, expose them to different foods, art and music EARLY even if you don't like the music, food etc. Don't shve them in a room with disney video's all day. Take them with you. And revel in the joy being able to sit in your underwear with them on a saturday AM eating cereal and watching cartoons instead of putting them in a monkey suit and taking them door to door.
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  Maverick

  I have a 19 year old....Kill them BEFORE they become teenagers!

  NO I'm just kidding! Learn who they are. Stop talking to that image you have had in your head since you knew you were going to be a parent. Learn what your children really like and feel and think, and try not to invalidate those preferences. Sponsor each child to go for his/her dreams and explore all their gifts and passions and let them grow at their own pace. And no matter what, love them unconditionally! Maverick
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  Iforget

  As a 3rd generation freak raised in the side show....I use one tool. I love my child without condition. He knows he is first and foremost in my life. No guilt and no questions.
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  Mulan

  We raised 4 children as JW's. *groan*

  My advice, now that I'm a grandmother:

  1. Remember they are people, not possessions
  2. Don't try to control everything they do and say
  3. Let them be themselves
  4. Remember you can never control what they are thinking
  5. Talk to them, and listen!!!
  6. Don't condemn when their views are different than yours.
  7. Don't try to make them fulfill your goals. They have their own.
  8. Enjoy them, it goes so fast. One day they will be grown up and you will wonder "where did it all go?"
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  codeblue

  I was raised as a JW.

  I raised 2 that are very mature, hard working, and well thought of individuals. I was a JW at that time. (fading now)

  I believe that consistency is number 1 in raising kids (both husband and wife should be consistent together, kids see thru disharmony).

  Of course, love your kids!!!

  Spend quality time with them.........

  Be proud of them, no matter how great or small their accomplishments are. If they are commended, they will learn to grow and have self confidence. They won't be afraid to explore and learn their "great potential".

  Show them how to take care of themselves.....teach them "lifeskills".........

  Show them respect, and they will show you respect as well.

  Hope these tips help you!

  Codeblue
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  MerryMagdalene

  Thanks so much to all of you!!! That was really great stuff to hear... Most of it made me feel good that I am following my instincts, letting her be a kid (with all the mess and craziness that entails), and definitely loving her unconditionally. On those occasions when anger has flared up, I can see now that it was because I was allowing myself to take something too personally, perhaps unconsciously expecting her to live up to an impossible adult standard. I wish I could address all your comments individually with my appreciation, but please know I am grateful for what all of you had to imput! Thanks again!