Competitive Parents

by Netty 8 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Netty

  I just signed my son up for soccer, he is only 6 and has never played before. Last week at soccer camp, I overheard one of the mothers saying, she had a conversation with the coach. He said there were alot of really great players this time around, but also alot of really bad ones. He was choosing his team, and was the way she worded it, glad to get rid of some of the "pathetic kids". GRRRRR!!!! GROWL!!!! She was not talking to me, but was actually talking to the coaches wife. The wife caught the look on my face, (who wouldnt have) and quickly backpeddled and tried to save, and I guess maybe on the surface, she did. She said something to the effect, that well on the other hand, I did notice that even though some of the kids arent the greatest players, they are out there on that field sticking it out and giving it their all.

  I turned around and looked at my hubby and said "I dont like what I'm hearing over here" and he gave me a look and said "NETTTTTYYYYYYYYYYY" k, so point taken, shut my mouth. But it kept bothering me, so I called the coach, and he said he absolutely said nothing of the sort, he would never refer to a child as being pathetic, that there is a problem with this particular mother, she says very vicious things about children, within the earshot of the parents of the children, and then just like I did, they end up calling him and he then has to defend himself about something he never said in the first place. So the word pathetic, was her word, not his. Mind you, some of the children being referred to are only four years old...

  Then, as I observed her son out on the soccer field, without getting into too many details, in a nutshell this kid is a major bully. Like mother like son.

  I wonder, I guess being raised a witness we never got to play in sports or extracurricular activities, at least when I was being raised, (for all I know there has been new light on this). So I dont know the mindset, and maybe I am just being naive and sensitive about this. Is this really the way the world of childrens sports is? But I absolutely take issue with any adult that will refer to a child as "pathetic" Why the need to be so competitive? Whats up with that?
• 

  TrailBlazer04

  Netty, the parents are total friggin jerks because they're living their dreams of sports success through their children. My son was involved in competitive gymnastics for awhile...and the parents were UNREAL...

  Parents can be total jerks when it comes to that...I'm way over it all. All I want is for my kid(s) to do well in school...the rest is just whatever they want to do. We don't do much in the competitive thing anymore...guitar lessons, swim lessons, stuff like that appeals these days.

  TB
• 

  Netty

  Does anyone know why I cant see this topic posted on the friends index page? But when I go to active topics, I can see it. Is this where you found it, under active topics. Just still learning the ropes on posting here.

  Well shoot trail, I was hoping she was just a special case, but if thats the way its going to be, I really dont want any part of it. I told the coach that, he insisted that the competitiveness of it all does not begin till they are 10 years old or so, he doesnt even keep score at my kids age. Well the practice season begins in about 3 weeks so I shall wait and see how it goes. I really just wanted some assistance in my son learning how to play sports, just so he knows how to play, for playing in the playground at school, or PE (Physical education back in my day, whatever they call it now) or for playing with friends.

  I agree about swimming, he took lessons this summer and LOVED it, and nope no compeition at all. He is interested in golf (how cute) but I cant get him lessons until he is 8 years old. That also sounds like a more non competitive or at least not a high contact type of sport.
• 

  gypsywildone

  I lived this for years. My daughter was exceptional at field hockey & track & ended up being recruited for both by colleges. She was in the local newspapers around 10 times in 3 years, with pictures of her & action & all. This made other parents very jealous. I had one older couple come on like Mr. Rodger's neighborhood, but I quickly realized they were just pumping me for information & plans. The father taped every game & always said he would give me tape. When the time came that a Div I college wanted tape, all the sudden all his tapes were shaky, no good & unsable. Right. I got tape from the school.

  I have had these bitchy mothers actually come up to my face & say if my senior, who had earned her spot on the team was not on the field the entire time, their 10th grader would get more time on the field! Well, you KNOW I told them off! I have heard any number of ugly comments from overweight mothers in the stands that could not POSSIBLY run for an entire hour playing field hockey. But they sure do know the game & could criticize!

  I was never so glad as when she graduated as the president of her class & spoke in front of the entire class & audience, & that she actually mentioned a food fight during her speech that they told her would result in the cutting of her mike if she did it :) My sister came from Az for it, & we were so proud!

  Some people get some kind of vicarious thrill out of living through their kids or being able to brag about them. Then you have others like the Williams sisters, their dad knew it was a way out of poverty & groomed them. There ends up being a lot of money at stake in the end.

  College is soooo expensive, for one thing. Div 1 can give you a full ride, Div 2 can give you a good package, & Div 3 will put together a good package if they need you & pretend it is not about the sports. But for Div 1 & 2, the sport becomes a job. There is a lot of travel involved & it is just a grind. A Div 1 would have given her a full ride in another state far from here. She did not want to go farther than 1 hour from home, & did not want it to become a job. she ended up going with Div 3 an hour from here.

  We didn't choose sports, she found these things herself. We gave her dancing lessons in Jazz, because too many ballerinas end up with eating disorders, & I can't stand to watch bad tap dancing! She found the sports & the cheerleading & we just enjoyed them, in spite of thoe kinds of parents. Now she doesn't even play Field hockey anymore, she is on some intermediate teams with her boyfriend, badmitton & soft ball, but she is very involved in college student government. I don't miss those days at all, but at least for me they started in middle school, not at the age of 6!
• 

  SheilaM

  Both my kids were in sports...some of the parents needed to STAY HOME. We had one Mom who tried to be a stroke judge (no rude sexual innuendos people) she had NO IDEA what strokes were correct or incorrect in swimming. She didn't "like" how my son undulated during the butterfly stroke...we had to pull the book out and POINT OUT TO HER that as long as his arms and legs were in sync he could undulate all he wanted (this is before he was strong enough in upper body to pull fully common in young kids)

  I doubted whether she could SWIM at all. I swam all my life and was a lifeguard Red Cross cerified when the kids were young (this is after having two babies)

  During soccer the parents were sooooo rude and yelled and screamed it was horrible but I just tried to cheer real loud and drown them out LOL
• 

  gypsywildone

  I doubted whether she could SWIM at all. I swam all my life and was a lifeguard Red Cross cerified when the kids were young (this is after having two babies)

  LOL! These are always the ones, the ones who probably can't swim at all, huh? Much like armchair warriors that don't vote, or 200 lb. women that KNOW how to play field hockey & could be coaches . . .
• 

  confusedjw

  I'm not contradicting because a certain percentage of parents can be over the top, but I think you can be proud of your kids achievements and brag about them without putting others down and being psycho. Clearly you have run into some who can't do this.

  I actually like to hear parents go on about their kids. And are they living through their kids? Yes, to an extent, but aren't we also doing that when we are proud of their academic acheivments (and pressure them to do well) and when they get good jobs or marry well (whatever that means)?

  As a coach the ones who really got to me - were the parents who could never show up to see their children play. Those kids know who is in the stands - even the coolest of the cool are looking out to see if Mom or Dad is there to see them.
• 

  gypsywildone

  That's cool confused, you are doing a great thing!
• 

  Mary

  Remember that lunatic mother in the early 1990s, Wanda Holloway? She was so furious and angry that her own daughter wasn't picked as a cheerleader that she attempted to hire a hitman (I think her former brother in law) to murder the competition's mother, hoping that the girl would be so distracted by her mother's death that she wouldn't be able to perform as a cheerleader.

  Unfortunately, it's not just the parents to blame here. The schools are pushing the students far beyond what should be required in sports and extra curricular activity. Yes it's nice to win a game, but no one can win all the time. Like everything else in the human race, things are taken to the extremes---there's no happy medium.

  I think it's great just to see kids out there hitting a ball, or playing soccer-----when so many kids nowadays barely budge from the computer screen.