I'm a wordling married to a JW

by wordlywife 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • wordlywife

    Hi all- Just found this forum. I'll try to be brief. I'm married to a JW, I have never been a JW. We got together while both still married. My spouse was of course DF'd. We married and spouse worked hard to be re-instated and was, I attended KH with spouse to learn, and be together, but I cannot accept it all part and parcel. Spouse abruptly stopped attending hall earlier this year-does not like what is felt projected at us and at me (even though my spouse has been re-instated, my spouse was JW for 15+years), which I can tell you is not brotherly love. Also spouse's ex and older children attend same KH, talk about anxiety and awkwardness. I am secretly THRILLED that spouse is not attending, but do not want to show it. I am trying to be calm and gently point out things I see aren't very loving and Christian about the JW attitude. I come from a very free background concerning religion. There must be something that led spouse away in the first place (getting involved with a wordly person and then wanting to marry me-scandalous). This is particularly diffucult concerning the older children spouse has, who are JW to the core along with ex. They make me feel like I am a "demon" if you will. I just wanted to post and share some things. I really want my spouse to be happy, and am concerned that if spouse does not go back to KH spouse will go down hill from all the guilt that is heaped upon such persons. I hate the guilt, I hate the hypocrisy, and I hate all the time spouse had to spend studying, day after day after day after day............now it is like my spouse is totally different, like the chains of "study" are gone, but I'm afraid that if the congregation starts being nice to us (that'll be a cold day in gehenna) spouse will want to go back again. Can anyone tell me if the congregation is "tranined" not to interact with us? There are a few people that seem to genuinely care and talk to us, but the rest of them seem to give off a very bad vibe towards us, if you will. I guess I'm so naive I thought it would all be loving and gracious. Not so...........

    Thanks all for listening......

  • Double Edge
    Double Edge

    Hi, and WELCOME to the board. I've never been a JW (only have a friend who's one), so my experience in your case is very limited. But, stick around, there's a lot of great people here you can communicate with and who have been down your road.

  • kls

    Welcome , until your spouse realises once and for all what the jws really teaches he will never be rid of the guilt of what the watchtower teaches. Pluse having family in only makes it harder. Since your spouse does seem to have a problem with this cult you both should sit down and to research together. There are so many here on this forum that will help you and your spouse answer questions that you have , and if you feel the need you both can look up the facts together. It is a eye opening experiance .

  • DanTheMan

    Hi worldlywife, and welcome to the forum.

    Breaking away from this religion is no easy feat considering the endless indoctrination JW's receive that their very lives are dependent upon their following the behavior and activity program as outlined by the Brooklyn organization. The fact that your spouse has stopped attending meetings is a very encouraging sign. I stopped attending meetings back around October of 2001, not so much because of specific doubts but just feeling burnt out and disgusted with the drudgery of JW life and feeling increasingly resentful of the constant pressure to live up to what I felt were unrealistic expectations. Now I reject them on much more solid grounds, but the deprogramming process was quite painful.

    Give him plenty of space and support.

  • amac

    I don't mean to be brash, but I am anyway...

    This is particularly diffucult concerning the older children spouse has, who are JW to the core along with ex. They make me feel like I am a "demon" if you will.

    Could it be that it has nothing to do with the JWs and more of the fact that you are the "other woman?"

    You and your spouse face a challenging situation...for him to remain in a congregation, which is not a whole lot different then a close knit group of friends or a click or whatever you want to call it, I imagine hostile feelings toward someone who has hurt one their members/friends/etc will be pretty normal.

    If he is determined to stay a JW, he should probably switch congregations.

    Hopefully, for your sake, he is not determined.

  • garybuss

    Witness groups are more secular political than social or religious. Each group has it's own hierarchy, it's clear leaders and it's wannabees. Many groups do not follow directions from headquarters very well. Some are left of center and are not rigid enough according to printed guidelines. Others are right of center and are controlling beyond belief.

    The social undercurrent is usually controlled by the women and it does not take long to find out who they are. Those are just my experiences. Others will have different views. Welcome to the board.

  • jgnat

    Hi! I, also, am a never-JW married to a JW. I don't have the added strain of being the "other woman", though. If you want more information, you can PM me, by clicking on my alias (jgnat) and "Send Mail"

    Here is my thread for newbies, to get you started:


    You can get the man out of the Kingdom Hall, but you can't get the Kingdom Hall out of the man...unless he does some serious soul-searching as to what he believes and why. Right now, he believes that missing the meetings is the same as a death sentence. Any life-shock could push him back in to the society, in a last-ditch effort to reconcile before he comes face-to-face with his mortality.

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