Help, I need some advice

neverthere

We are asking our tenants to leave as of September and they are friends of ours.

My hubby had a conversation with the male tenant and told him yesterday (without his wife around) that they are going to have to be out by September as this situation is not working for them, us and most importantly our kids (I have 2 kids that have AS and stress is not a good thing for them to go through). He was kind of shocked but was understanding of why this was neccessary. He has yet to tell his wife and feels that a "group meeting" is in order to work through the issues.

They have been talking about moving in with his nephew but the male doesn't want his nephew to hear the way she talks to him. This is a huge part of the problem, when they fight they are screaming fights she will tell him to f333 off or to go to h377. She is cruel and nasty to her husband and I know she is going to be nasty to me when she hears this news. I am pretty sure that I can handle anything she is going to throw at me but here is the big thing.

If this ends our friendship can I still stay friends with her husband. To be honest I would, at this point, rather be friends with him. He is so ashamed of the way his wife treats him and I can't blame him. I think he doesn't realize that this treatment that he gets from her is abuse. He says that this is the only thing he has known for so long that he doesn't think he can find anyone else (trust me he can he is "hot").

Can hubby and I stay friends with him if she throws us out of her life? I feel sorry for him, he doesn't have many friends except hubby and I. Also do I tell her that I think she needs psychiatric help? Along with the other million not so nice things I would love to tell her at this point like she is spoiling her kids, she is pushy, controlling and mean?

Diana

gitasatsangha

Can hubby and I stay friends with him if she throws us out of her life?

If she lets him.

Shutterbug

With friends like that you don't need enemies !!! Throw them out and get on with your life. Her hubby is going to be a meserable man until he throws her out. Just my thoughts which may be worth what you paid for them. Bug

bikerchic

She is cruel and nasty to her husband and I know she is going to be nasty to me when she hears this news. I am pretty sure that I can handle anything she is going to throw at me but here is the big thing.

Sounds like she needs some kind of intervention to handle anger issues. Don't feel bad about protecting your family from this situation. Hopefully it will be a wake up call for them and I would check into what kind of help is available in your local area give them a list and let them take it from there. Word of warning don't hurl insults at her, show her compassion and support to get the help she needs, but be firm. Best to make a plan and stick to it, hopefully in that plan is finding her family help too.

If this ends our friendship can I still stay friends with her husband. To be honest I would, at this point, rather be friends with him. He is so ashamed of the way his wife treats him and I can't blame him. I think he doesn't realize that this treatment that he gets from her is abuse. He says that this is the only thing he has known for so long that he doesn't think he can find anyone else (trust me he can he is "hot").

Can hubby and I stay friends with him if she throws us out of her life? I feel sorry for him, he doesn't have many friends except hubby and I. Also do I tell her that I think she needs psychiatric help? Along with the other million not so nice things I would love to tell her at this point like she is spoiling her kids, she is pushy, controlling and mean?

You can offer support for him like watching their kids while he takes her for help, but beyond that you need to see he is half of the picture. No guy or gal would stay in such a situation and put their kids at risk if he or she wasn't in some way just as bad. You are seeing only one side of the picture, believe me there are two sides or he would have taken the kids and left long ago, there is some payoff for him to be in that relationship. Just look at how little you and hubby are able to tollerate it and you aren't actually living it.......

Hope it turns out well for all and IMHO you are doing a good thing setting boundries and showing them such behavior isn't to be tollerated no matter how good of friends you may be with them.

Kate

Nathan Natas

I agree with Gitasatsangha - if she lets him.

It sounds like you already anticipate a foul-mouthed tongue lashing from her when you have your little sit down meeting. Of course there is no room for negotiation on this issue - they have to move out - end of story. You may find it effective to go into "broken record" mode if she starts raising objections. No matter what she says, you say the same thing, "and you have to be out by September first." Say it over and over and over and over again if you have to - offer no other response.

If you want to help her overcome her offensive verbal habits, maybe you could make a tape recording of one of her tirades and give it to her to listen to sometime - the purpose of the tape is not to publicly humiliate her, but to give her a private insight into what other people hear when she goes off.

Good luck!

moonwillow

I agree with what bikerchic said and also my family has and always will come first!

neverthere

Thanks for all the advice everyone, I have put up with her sh1t for years and have had enough. It breaks my heart to see how she treats her hubby then she turns around and says my hubby is controlling!

Diana

CoonDawg

I just went through a similar situation. You simply have to make up your mind, set a date and stick to it. If she gives you any sh*t, tell her she can get her stuff right then, if she pleases. Give them a date, stick to it. If she whines or tries to force you into extending your deadline, don't be afraid to tell her...either you get your stuff out, or I'm callin' the Salvation Army thrift people to come get it. Or let her know you have no problem getting an eviction order if necessary, but you'd rather do it civily. Who cares where they go...you aren't their mom and dad. I think the hubby needs to grow a set. That's his first issue. He's like what I was when I was married to my first wife. She'd kick me around....well, the one thing I got back in the divorce were my cajones...from the mason jar under the sink, where she kept them...LOL

I hate stories of women like that. They are so much like my ex. He has to realize that living like that is a choice and he doesn't HAVE to do it.

JMO, of course...

Ern

Elsewhere

My Magic 8 Ball says: Very Doubtful

confusedjw

Don't you just reach a point in your life where someone like the woman described here is just not worth the effort.

I would make it clear to him and her that you are beyond her attitude. He is welcome and if she can pull it together she is.

And if she doesn't like it so what.

Buy him some Fruit of the Loom underware - men's department.

Help, I need some advice

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