by Lehaa 9 Replies latest jw experiences
Time for High/Lows again.
My High: Lastnight curled up on the couch with my two year old daughter watching " My Brother Bear" We've watched it about 5 times in the last two days.
My Low: Been feeling really lonely adn alone this week, Disfellowshipping really taking it's toll.
Mmmmm....Sounds like a sweet way to spend the day. I wish I had a kid or two.
Sorry the DFing is causing you pain. "Time heals all wounds" is more than just a platitude, it's truth. Hang in there, Lehaa. You will come out stronger and better for having endured this.
High: Found out that the new job that I applied for is now between me and just one other applicant.
Low: While surfing I accidentally collided with my neice. I hurt her back and arm, making me feel wretched, and her surfboard hit me in the head and left a huge lump and one hellacious headache (which I deserved for being stupid).
My Low: Been feeling really lonely adn alone this week, Disfellowshipping really taking it's toll.
Sorry for your low Lehaa. Please stay here and heal. I really enjoy your posts, although I have not had opportunity until now to tell you, and you have much to share and to receive. Don't let the b*st*rds get you down.
exjdub
High: Daughter is visiting, seems like old times only w/o all the phone/instant messaging with fiance!
Low: Daughter is visiting, first she lost my house keys and now the charger to my cell phone, which I have had no use of since she got here because I have lent it to her during her visit!
(But it's all good, of course...!)
High for the week
Hmm: Had a little apostafest at my house last weekend. It was fabulous.
low for the week:
My husband has worked a ton over the July 1st holidays. I missed him.
Special K
((( Hugs ))
aww, lehaa. i'm so sorry about the hardships the df'ing is putting on you :(
my lil one was about that age when i was beginning the journey you're starting, be sure to soak up all the hugs, kisses, and innocent, unconditional love she has to offer you, and give her all you want to back of those as well. it really does help heal you.
also, when it gets really bad, look at her and know that your pain now will save her suffering in the future.
that helps me too, even now. and now that my child is old enough to articulate her feelings about the way the jw family acts...she is grateful. she told me for the first time recently how grateful she was that i was out, and not raising her in. i felt like i'd landed on the moon, won the olympic gold medal and been knighted all in one moment. it was heaven.
my highs this week: standing up for myself with some people who were taking advantage of me, finally putting a stop to it. another shackle of dub-dom cast aside: letting everyone use me to wipe their feet on.
lows; really, really bad week healthwise. wired, tired, and mentally exhausted too. but i think next week will be much better. i hope it is for you too, lehaa. (((((hugs)))))
fleur
Lehaa, what you are going through right now is unbelievably painful, but one day your daughter will thank you for it. Mine have. I left as an adult, and my two oldest were already baptized. But they've thanked me repeatedly for having the courage to set the example for them by getting out. We have a wonderful, close relationship, perhaps made even closer by the fact that we have all been rejected and isolated from the rest of the family. They now understand the horror of what the religion put me through, and respect and admire me for being able to pull myself back together and heal.
I've been on a high for many years now, ever since I left. I have been able to finally do the things I was always prevented from doing. Gone to university, learned so much, had the world open up to me. My daughters are now able to do the same - every one of them is pursuing their dreams, no longer shackled by ridiculous restrictions laid on them by a paternalistic cult.
There are still lows, of course. At times it hurts that I have lost so much. I try and turn it around and focus instead on what I've gained, and on what they have lost (and continue to lose). This weekend they are all at the convention. It made me think about the way things used to be, and I won't lie that I do miss my family on occasion. But I keep reminding myself that it is their choice, not mine.
I know how bad it can get during the darkest days of the df'ing. I used to wake up screaming in the middle of the night, in intolerable pain, not sure if I could make it through another day. but I did make it, and I'm a stronger person for it. In a few more years I'll charter as a psychologist, and I'll be in a position where I can help heal others who have gone through the same kind of religious hell.
Stay strong, Lehaa. You will make it through. Take time for yourself and your daughter, do things you enjoy.
Send me a post if you ever want to talk. I've been there.
High this week? Attending my grandfather's 99th birthday party.
Low? Seeing my father at that party, all alone. Realizing again how the religion has torn my family apart.
High to make up for the low: my daughters, my little grandson, and I all at the party with my father!
exjdub : I hope your niece is ok, don't beat yourself up to bad about it, it was an accident.
seeitallclearlynow: Love your daughter, she sounds great, silly you for giving it to her in the first place. We are all like that with our kids though, i always give in to mine, they are so great and I can't help spoiling them.
Thankyou exjdub, Fleur and mamochan13. Your support really means a lot to me, i don't think i could have made it without all the support I get here. Just knowing that there are people out ther who have been through what I'm going through now and have made it is fantastic.
I'm really excited about today, I'm having coffee with a girl who used to post here, Prisca, she recently moved to melbourne. I'm also going to the ex-jdub meetup next weekend here in Melbourne. It will be great to start makng some more friends who have been through what I'm going through.
" But I keep reminding myself that it is their choice, not mine"
that's a very important point, mamochan13! it IS their choice. in my family's case, I have told them all myself that I love them, that they are welcome in my life at any time, that they can call me, show up at my door. they know i love them still, just as i always did. choosing to walk away is what they do, i have never done that.
great post, welcome to the forum!
(((((((lehaa)))))) i remember prisca! she would know me by my old username here tho. hope you enjoyed coffee and that it bolstered your spirits.
yes, there are so many here who can relate to where you are now. remember that, and if you get stuck or need to talk, post...people will answer, believe me. you are NOT ALONE!!!!!
hugs,
fleur
