Defamation: Whore of Babylon - Advice Needed

by catlady 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • catlady
    catlady

    The family of my partner (Beaker) have been telling everybody that they come into contact with that he left his wife for me. In actual fact his dub wife left him because she was having an affair with his best friend. She left Beaker in early December & we met in March. When she left he begged her to stay, wanted to go to counselling, etc but she refused & said it was over. The affair ended, she got a slap over the wrist from the elders & is still in 'good standing' with the congregation.

    Beaker got majorly depressed, had a couple of suicide attempts & was in hospital for a couple of months. He didn't go back to the organisation after this so his ex has been able to say whatever she has liked about the break-up. And of course, as soon as the elders found out we were together (his sister dobbed him in!), he was disfellowshipped.

    I am so, so sick of all this Witness crap and this is just one more thing I don't need. Apart from it being very hurtful & unfair because I am not 'that kind of girl', I am also concerned about what his children think. They are only 7 & 9 and so far we have a good relationship. Their mother doesn't seem to censor what she says around them & has already started to hint that I caused the break-up. Beaker & I are pretty serious with each other and I don't want the kids thinking badly of either myself or him in the future.

    I am thinking of sending a 'cease and desist' letter to the 3 main parties involved. Does anybody out there have any advice on this?

    Cat

  • A Paduan
    A Paduan

    Yep, let the children be lied to, and believe what they're told.

    Then, when the time is right and plentiful, tell the real story of their dad, including the part about jws being sinister liars.

    So they won't be jws - you'll have done well.

  • Tacky
    Tacky

    Your biggest obstacle will be that the children live with their mother and she has more time to fill their heads with her spew of venomous sh**. You will lose this battle unless the children can be won now. And that will entail him having custody of the kids. He has a case with the courts, with the fact that she was sleeping around. However, they will slam him with mental stability issues so it will be a battle.

    This hits very close to home because my mother did this same thing. She slept around and then when my dad go tired of it and left he was disfellowshipped as soon as he got a girlfriend she pulled him before the elders. Though her infidelity was never mentioned because my dad just wanted out. From there she filled our heads with trash about how horrible he was, about how he left us because he didn't love us anymore. About how he was sleeping around and what a horrible person he really was, how he beat her and would have us too if she hadn't sent him away (no her stories never jived but as a kid who notices?) We tried to see him, but we would get a silent treatment when we got home. We tried to talk on the phone with him, but she always had chores that we had to do RIGHT then. The summer before kindergarten my sister and I went to see him and when we came home our pet goat was gone. My mother said that he strangled himself in some string because we weren't home to play with him. It was our fault the goat was dead, then she didn't talk to us for two weeks. When my oldest sister turned 16 my dad bought her a car so that she could drive us to see him. My mother chose this as her opportunity to tell her that my dad wasn't her dad. She was the product of mom's first marriage and yet she had only known my dad as her father since they married when she was only a year old. She made a "deal" with him that if he'd quit calling and coming to see us then he didn't have to pay child support. She then told us that it was his idea. That he didn't want anything to do with us and so he wasn't going to help support us anymore. A few years later she turned him into the DA's office for not paying child support and had him thrown in jail. She made it so difficult to have a relationship with him that we quit trying.

    It wasn't until I was long out of the house and out of the Borg that I was able to sit down and talk to him and realize that everything that he had to say was true. He was a genuinely great guy who didn't want his children to be separated (he never tried to get custody of us because he knew since the oldest wasn't his they would never give him custody) so he didn't try. God how I wish he would have now!

    Anyway, you are up for a long battle and unless you can get through to those kids and keep in their lives so that they know for themselves that you are both good people. You need to work extra diligently to keep the full time parent from filling their heads with trash!

    I am not sure what you mean about a cease and desist letter, but if you think that calling the woman on the table is going to help, think again. She'll just turn it on you and she now has it in writing. The JWs are masters at reading into written words, just look at the philosophies on the bible!

    May you be successful in getting those children to know YOU and not know you by the Borg standard.

    Good luck!

    Good luck to you~

  • Tefcat
    Tefcat

    Hi Catlady (Nice name!)

    I can't offer advice, but can offer sympathy. I too am the "Scarlet woman" in the relationship and bugged by my partners family. Not because he left anyone for me, but because I don't share their religious beliefs, so there is nothing concrete to fight there!

    I wish you well, and hope it all works out in your favour, it is such a shame that your relationship is blighted by all this.

    Tefcat

  • Gadget
    Gadget

    (((Catlady)))

    It seems to be SOP for the person who leaves the jws to be the one who has the finger of blame pointed at them. Hopefully someone here will be able to point you in the direction of some help to deal with this.

  • catlady
    catlady

    Tacky - Welcome to the Board! Thank you for sharing your story, it is absolutely disgusting what some people do to their kids. I'll get my partner to read your post tonight, he'll definitely be able to relate.

    Thank you all for your responses, I'm very stuck at the moment about what to do. It is hard enough to be with somebody when they have children from a previous relationship let alone when there is a whole lot of weird religious cult stuff going on that you have never been exposed to before.

    I have been really supportive of my partner & tried to help him through all this but I want to protect me at the moment so that is why I want to send a 'cease and desist' letter. It is basically a letter threatening legal action if these people don't stop sullying my name. I have put up with torrents of verbal abuse from his sister, wife & others & have never been able to defend myself because I haven't wanted to risk my partner being caught in the crossfire. He, however, has never defended me either.

    I am so sick of being a scapegoat in all this & I thought that by sending the following letter it may help me at least feel that I am standing up for myself. I was going to cc it to the JW office in Sydney as well, with a separate note saying that this is how their members are representing themselves.

    If you have a chance, please read this and see what you think.

    Dear Mr XXXX

    RE: DEFAMATION OF CHARACTER

    It has come to my attention that you have been making defamatory remarks about me. I refer to the allegations that have been made by members of the X, Y and Z families that the marriage breakdown between X and Y was as a result of an ?affair? between myself and X. It is my belief that you are all aware of the truth, that Y ended the marriage for her own reasons. You would also be aware of the fact that the marriage ended in early December, long before X and I met and certainly before we became a couple. I will no longer tolerate this defamation of character. If this continues I will be consulting a solicitor and will take legal action.

    If I have not received an affirmative response from you by 31 July 2004 indicating that you will cease and desist this fabrication I will have no other option than to pursue this matter to the full extent of the law.

    On a personal note, I very much regret that the situation has come to this. I find it inexplicable that people who call themselves ?christian? can indulge in such lies and gossip. In your religion?s own publication: What Does God Require of Us? Lesson 9 states: Clean Speech: 'God's servants must always speak the truth. Liars will not enter God's Kingdom.' (Ephesians 4:25; Revelation 21:8) and Lesson 10 goes on to say: Lying, Gambling, Stealing: 'Jehovah God cannot lie.' (Titus 1:2) 'Persons who want his approval must avoid lying.' (Proverbs 6:16-19; Colossians 3:9, 10).

    Yours sincerely

  • Tacky
    Tacky

    Sounds good to me! Definately send a copy to the higher ups. Send a copy to your local paper and to one of those airplanes that carries banners around at the beach or at the soccer game!!! Make it known and then fry their &*$'s!!!

    Using their own information against them is a good tactic. Let them choke on their own words...

    Good luck and may the force be with you...

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