Family Matters

by Purza 6 Replies latest jw friends

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  Purza

  So I have been inactive technically for about 2.5 years now. Before I became inactive I was literally struggling to get my 1 hour in per month and half the time I studied with my daughter to get that hour in. My daughter at 8 years of age began questioning the organization with things like "why won't they let women give talks to the audience, etc.". I never had a good answer for her since I was just going through the motions. I would just say "because that is the way it is".

  Fast forward 6 years later and my daughter is a teenager. We haven't been to meetings in years and she doesn't miss them. I no longer feel guilty about "saving" her by letting her learn the truth.

  My family would like to have my daughter visit this summer and I said "how about for three days because she doesn't have any meeting clothes, etc". My mother wants to have her longer, but says that my daughter HAS to go to meetings. I am okay with that as long as my kid WANTS to go. So I ran it past my daughter and she became indignant "why do I HAVE to go -- what if I don't want to". I said "take it up with your grandmother".

  So she calls my mother to tell her that she would like to come visit, but doesn't want to be forced to go to the meetings. My mother then begins a 45 minute preaching tirade and I hear my daughter say things like "why is this religion the ONLY right one" "just because you go to meetings doesn't mean you are spiritually dead". And I am in the background (quiety thinking) "you go girl". My daughter has more guts than I do when it comes to standing up to my ever so self-righteous parents. And of course my child was told "the only reason you don't know the truth is because your mother has become separated from it".

  My daughter was so frustrated when she got off the phone she came to me to vent. My mother never let her finish her sentence. (I was thinking that my mother was counting her time). My daughter told me that she always hated going to meetings when she was younger and that she is glad she doesn't have to go anymore. She also said that she doesn't know if she believes in god and that she believes that your spirit is separate from your body.

  I sat back and realized that I had made the right decision by leaving the Borg. Hopefully my daughter can become a free thinker and not be inhibited the way I am because of that religion. I told her she is free to think what she wants but that she should not force her views on others -- that they should be allowed to find their own way. She then said "no wonder everyone said no at the doors when we would go out in service" LOL

  Anyway, I was very proud of her for standing up for what she believes -- just thought I would share it with everyone.

  Purza
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  Odrade

  Good for her, and good for you! You are raising a strong girl who is clearly able to think for herself, and defend herself too. Good job.

  Odrade
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  Steve Lowry

  I needed (for me) to read this post. Thank you for posting it. It's encouraging to hear that people still do stand up to the "mighty" Watchtower Society. Too many people these days it seems are staying 'in' just to appease family members and becasue its 'safer' to do so. (Note here: I realize that the process of leaving a cult like the Watchtower Society takes time and everyone must find thier own and in their own time.)

  I don't even know you or your daughter, but I can tell that you have been a good teacher and good influence and an excellent role model in her life. And she is a great example of someone with a free and strong mind. I wish all parents were as courageous as you. Sure, its scarey and even risky to stand up for what you believe. Very often the truest prinicples are those that find the most resistence. Maybe your mother will get a clue now? In any event your daughter didn't give in to her grandmother's JW rhetoric and pressure and stood her ground. Its all about modifying poeples behaivior and setting boundries. If grandma wants to see her grandaughter, then she'll play by YOUR rules. Excellent work.

  Yea, you go girl! (Both of you!)

  Thanks again for sharing this wonderful story.

  Steve
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  garybuss

  
  
  I let my sons do pretty much as they wanted with the Witnesses. They could either stay home with me or go to meetings with their mother. I gave Witness relatives and elders free unsupervised access to my sons. Mostly when the boys were younger they preferred to stay home with me. I tried not to put a lot of pressure on them to go or stay. I was half a believer myself and I had been too stupid to look into the history and actual dealings of the group.
  
  When one son was 14 he all of a sudden started to want to go to meetings and he did and he stayed. He is still there 15 years later. Another son started back to meetings when he was away at college and he is still there 11 years later. Neither are a part of our life by their own choice. Who set this up? I did!
  
  If I had it to do over, what would I do different? 1. Never marry a Witness or have kids with a Witness. 2. Never allow a Witness to have access to my kids. Not even 5 minutes. 3. Be sure kids who have been raised in the group are given long term exit counseling. 4. Never associate with any Witnesses on any level. 5. Study the kids out like we studied them in. 6. Reinforce the kids who stay away. Reward them.
  
  We need to get through our own unsettled business with the Witnesses so we can talk to our kids objectively and often about the evil in the group. We need to get past emotion ourselves or we will never be able to talk to our kids objectively or rationally. Dumping our emotion on the kids may drive the kids into the group.
  
  So many like me have been foolish and allowed loyalty to Witness parents to override protecting our children from them and other Witnesses. Very often that has backfired and the child will choose the Witnesses and shun us. We need to do a pole here and see how many parents have been or are shunned by Witness children, and how many are glad they allowed the Witnesses access to their kids. GaryB
  
  
  
  
  
  
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  Country Girl

  Thanks for sharing that wonderful post, Purza. You ought to be very proud of your independant thinker! LOL! I like how she gave her Grandmother the business right *back*! My son was taken to the KH by my Mother every now and then, but the other Grandmother took him to the Catholic Church on the other weekends. He is now neither. Heh.

  CG
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  exjdub

  Hopefully my daughter can become a free thinker and not be inhibited the way I am because of that religion.

  Purza,

  Because of the example you set I believe she is already there. You had the courage to leave and she had the courage to speak her mind to her grandmother (which is no small task for a grandaughter). You both should be very proud of each other. (((((Purza and Daughter)))))

  exjdub
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  Purza

  Thanks everyone for your kind words.

  Purza