I am honestly trying to stay ahead of anger and to not live my life by it. I'm not an angry person overall...in fact I've had many issues where I've not gotten angry like someone else might and it's left me in an unhealthy place. I learned to start getting angry over injustice and wrong, especially where I'm personally concerned.
I thought I had all the stuff out and done with over my ex best friend. This third generation JW in "good standing" had not only dragged me into a business venture and then bailed, leaving me holding the financial bag, but also still owes me for paying off a couple of her loans, stole a vacation deposit and took her family on the vacation I paid for, and has some personal effects of mine, sentimental family things that her son broke and her husband was to fix that she 'can't find'. She lied and stole and when I broke off our friendship, I was satisfied that I could 'get over' it...I was not going to take her to court, because that's not 'the Christian' thing to do.
Her sister works about 4 blocks from my house. I've seen my ex-friend's car (actually the car I gave her) outside the shop several times in my journeying around...and while I gave her a passing thought, didn't really feel any upset. There have been many times in my life that I've chalked up material loss to the 'lesson learned'.
Today she was in her car. She didn't see me, I think she was looking at her mail or something. She would probably have ignored me even if she had...after our falling out, she attempted to ignore me at the Circuit Assembly and I wasn't DAd then. I forced her to acknowledge my presence (I mean, I had the audacity to call her on her lies and tell her that I didn't want that kind of toxic person in my life...I wasn't the one who had something to be ashamed of...she's the one who hasn't attempted in several years to even start paying me back).
So I am sitting there, waiting at the light and looking at her and I'm just absolutely enraged. I am so mad that she sits there, sitting in judgement of me and my actions, talking to others and gossiping about me as she sees fit (she's a constant gossiper) and I'm the one shut out. I used to have the 'comfort' that God saw her actions and she would be judged accordingly. I don't even know if that's the case anymore, I don't know what I believe.
Part of me wants to sue...but I have no documentation and really don't want to even deal with her - I wrote the financial loss off long ago like I said. Part of me wants to do something malicious, like take her unlisted number and give it to some telemarketer. But even those aren't 'me'. So I'm sitting here angry and hurt that this is how it is, and feeling powerless.
In a nutshell it really sucks. I can't even feel sorry for her being deluded and in a cult. In my mind it's karma. I feel really nasty about feeling that way too.
BLEH.
Latent hostility and all-encompassing rage...ranting.
by CeriseRose 4 Replies latest jw friends
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CeriseRose
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sunshineToo
I am so sorry about that, rose. Arg, that really is sucks!
So you don't have any documentation or proof of anything she did to you? What about the vacation money she stole from you? I wish you can sue her butt off.
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Celtic
Hey Cerise, I hear you. Remember justified anger is a healthy emotion, you need not feel bad about this kind of annoyance. In a different light, I have had similar, although it is easy to state, but perhaps it is time to leave it go, and then move forwards with your life as best you can do so, under the circumstances. The thing with this kind of anger is, even if it is justified this enragement is that if you leave it to fester without forgiveness, it may come back to 'bite' you as it were, by eating away, thawing your otherwise good emotions. If you have written the debt off, then emotionally, one day soon, you may have to write off the annoyances this situation has caused you too, otherwise it might end up like a double whammy and end up causing you even more pain, but in your own time, only you will know best how to handle this situation, I wish you well.
Kindest regards.
Mark
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CeriseRose
I have nothing but the cancelled cheques/bank statements. Nothing to show it was a loan or something to be paid back. She was like family to me and in my family (you know the 'worldly' one) you stand up on your loans, as a matter of principle. Apparently not all families are like mine.
It's not even about the money, really. I just got treated like major crap and betrayed and that smarts a lot. I never expected it from her and I had thought I was well past it, but apparently I'm not. And other than whining about it (which I hate doing, yet seem to do a lot of...hehe) there isn't really anything to be done for it but to get over it.
And I guess learn another lesson.
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CeriseRose
Mark, you are speaking exactly what I'm thinking on the 'higher' level. The place that I thought I actually had gotten to.
Unfortunately, I wasn't as far along in my 'forgiveness' and healing as I thought. Which is probably a large part of the anger.
Maybe I just need to go have a bubble bath and sip a martini... hmmmm....
Thanks for your responses. :)