I'm taking a chance that you still read this forum. Remember when your d&d character was named Kartol? I just graduated from college; our mom and my future hubby were there, but it would have made my day to have you there, as well. You will always have my love and support should you decide to just walk away from this nasty little cult; I can't put into words how good it feels to be (mostly) free. Venita and Bernadette send love, too.
It's very easy to set up an account here; anonymity is well-protected, and the vast majority of the people here are kind, caring, and have been where you are. I'd love to be able to talk to you here, if you ever decide to dip your toe in the water. Remember, if you change your mind, you can always walk away with no repercussions from these people. Love always-E.