"Put a knife to your throat
if you are given to gluttony."
(Proverbs 23:2)
As those of us who are in touch with God know, there is nothing He hates more than the obese hordes who stuff themselves with cake and lard, thus abusing the bodies God created for them. Granted, He despises Satanists, fornicators, homosexuals, goths, criminals, atheists, Jews and scientists, but He is fast loosing patience with fat people who blame their demise on their glands.
To save people from God's wrath the BCC have brought out "Jehovah's Fitness", a video containing a series of exercises approved by the Vatican Council. By following the moves of the video's presenter, Dale Winton of television's "Supermarket Sweep", you too can achieve a gorgeously toned body that will win you God's approval.
It is a well know fact that fat people put on weight by choice as an obscene gesture against God. They break all the Seven Deadly Sins as they fatten themselves on a diet of icecream, Chicken McNuggets and boiled sweets. Greed, obviously they exist simply to consume and it is a well known fact that fat people are responsible for the genetic modification of foods to ensure they will always have plenty to eat. Pride, they take great delight in their rotund corpulence. Envy, watch a fat person's eyes turn green every time they see another person eating. Anger, they stuff themselves to spite God. Gluttony, do I need to elaborate? Lust, their sick fetish fantasies make them lust after other lumps of cellulite and finally Sloth, the favourite pastime of a fat person.
But true Christians do not languish in sloth, they eat moderately and buy fitness videos to attain bodies that they can be proud of. In the USA 42.7% and in the UK 33.1% of the population are obese. If you don't want to end up being a flesh mountain I suggest you buy the "Jehovah's Fitness" video and workout with Dale.
Mr Winton goes through a 90 minute routine involving lots of special stretching, physical endurance, cardiovascular moves and powerful prayer postures that were thought up by fitness instructors from the Vatican. Exciting new techniques include the "Flapping Angel Arms", "Halo Drawing" and "Crucifixion" poses to open up the chest and build up strength in the arms. These moves, which have remained a secret for 2000 years, have now been made public and are 100% effective in ensuring you reach your ideal body size. So don't delay, buy this video today.
REVIEWS
"I was a 300lb fatso who used to constantly eat to please Satan. I knew if I was fat when I died I would not fit through the Gates of Heaven, I would be too heavy to sit on a heavenly cloud and my chunky fingers would be unable to pluck the strings of an angelic harp. I did this to ensure I would go to Hell. However I saw the light after reading 'The Shocking Truth' website and became a Catholic. I knew self pity wouldn't make me into a slim person so I bought the 'Jehovah's Fitness' video and within just two months I lost 180lbs. I now have a beautifully toned body that I now know pleases God."
Patsy Barkin, Delaware USA
"I tried everything to loose weight, but nothing seemed to work. Finally I bought the 'Jehovah's Fitness' video and everything changed. I am eternally grateful to the British Conservative Catholics and Dale Winton for this product."
Father Aldous Dodd, Bagshot UK
"I bought the 'Jehovah's Fitness' video to strengthen my posture so I could pray longer. Now I can pray for six hours balancing on just my forearms! Can any Catholics beat that?"
Bruce Slatter, Canberra Australia
This video is available to purchase from the BCC shop, simply visit the "MERCHANDISE" section for more details and a complete list of all our products. Or look out for the BCC representatives who may turn up at your door to sell you this product at the crack of dawn on a Saturday morning.
http://free.freespeech.org/shockingtruth/jevfit.html
Yakki Da
Kent
"The only difference between God and Adolf Hitler is that God is more proficient at genocide."
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