need advice about violent abuse toward my children

by digderidoo 7 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

• 

  digderidoo

  Over the last week many things have come to light about violence directed toward my children my their mother and stepfather.

  For many years i have been concerned and have attempted to rectify the problem by approaching my x herself. She always denies it.

  This weekend my youngest son, aged 7, told me that his mom had tried to choke him, yelling, 'i'm going to fucking murder you'. His stepfather pulled her off him. Although previously he had thrown him up the stairs, banged his head against the wall and told him 'i fucking hate you'. They are on the verge of divorce and blaming the children for it.

  I have reported the incident to social services and was told not to return my children until an investigation had taken place.

  To cut a long story short, they were interviewed by police yesterday, the mom and stepfather have denied it, although admit they lost their temper. There were no marks. Two of my children told the police she had her hands around his throat, the mom has said she had her hands on his shoulders.

  Social Services have decided to return the children to the mom, due to the fact i only have a two bedroomed house. The children were staying at my moms over this period, which they have said is unsuitable because i don't stay there.

  I feel as though i have been blamed for causing undue stress to the children, my mom is seen as an interfering grandmother. They see this incident as a one off, because i have never reported previous incidents.

  The mom yesterday refuses to now let me have them over the weekend, because social services have told her i do not have the room to keep them overnight. But only allowing access Saturday's 10-5. It would appear that social services have agreed with her.

  I wondered if anyone knows how the social service system (uk) works to allow this to happen. I have searched the net and cannot really find anything.

  Yours Dig
• 

  FMZ

  Unfortunately I have no advice to offer... but it seems this is just another example of the law protecting the guilty. Very disheartening.

  FMZ
• 

  blondie

  This weekend my youngest son, aged 7, told me that his mom had tried to choke him

  There were no marks. Two of my children told the police she had her hands around his throat

  Beause there were no marks, it is hard for child services to take action. Of course, this is verbal and emotional abuse which is hard to take action on. But don't give up.

  Social Services have decided

  to return the children to the mom, due to the fact i only have a two bedroomed house.

  You might consider getting a larger place for the sake of the children. I have a feeling this abuse/attack will not stop. Be prepared to provide a better home.

  The mom yesterday refuses to now let me have them over the weekend, because social services have told her i do not have the room to keep them overnight. But only allowing access Saturday's 10-5. It would appear that social services have agreed with her.

  Have you talked with social services yourself on this? Is there something official in writing reducing your visitation time and location?

  You did the right thing in reporting it. I doubt that the abuse will end at this point. Encourage your children to continue letting you know if it happens again.

  Blondie
• 

  Black Sheep

  You may find some help here

  UK Men and Father's Rights Home Page http://www.coeffic.demon.co.uk/
• 

  Lady Lee

  wild idea

  If people with little or no income have access to free legal assistance, have the children go get their own lawyer to petition the court for a change of custody.

  Have the children document all violence whether physical or verbal and give that to their lawyer.

  When the kids get a lawyer people listen

  That's what my kids did and it worked. They had no marks either and social services said there was no proof
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  blondie

  Good site, blacksheep. I know the equivalent here in the US, but was finding it hard to google that site.

  Blondie
• 

  digderidoo

  Thanks for the site blacksheep. It has many links that are helpful.

  Thanks lady lee for your suggestion, but i don't think that's possible in the uk.

  Thanks fmz and blondie for your support.

  Dig
• 

  Country Girl

  I would venture to suggest that social services can't reduce your visitation time unless it was ordered by a Judge in place of your regularly scheduled visitation time in your divorce decree, unless you didn't have one in place. I would definitely see if they have a Court order reducing your time, and if it's not signed by a Judge, or administrative judicial figure, I would be leery about believing that load of crock. I can hardly believe they got an emergency Court hearing and a Judge to hear a case in two days, without due process of notice. It's probably nothing more than the Mother blowing smoke to get back at you.

  Do your own investigation and get to the bottom of it by calling SS and asking them DIRECTLY how they have legal jurisdiction to change your visitation? My bet is that they never said that over the fact that you only have a two bedroom apartment. That's preposterous. Here's the mother and stepfather *abusing* them, and SS returns them? And they reduce YOUR visitation rights because of not having enough bedrooms? Pish posh....

  If it's true, then you will most likely have to retain a lawyer, or try to see what you can accomplish on your own.

  CG