As humans we are programmed to survive (whether this is by natural selection or a creator is a separate discussion). As such we are predisposed to find our comfort zones. One of the primary mechanisms for this is seeking validation or justification that we are right.
Once we feel we are right then we are able to hunker down in that position and we are then able to seek and observe things that support our position, very often ignoring any conflicting contra-indicators or discounting them as irrelevant. Edward de Bono asserts that the need to be right is much stronger than the practical requirement for effective thinking. He cites 2 reasons for this:
1. The fear-based need to ?understand? the unknown for the sake of security.
2. The huge emphasis placed by education on the need to be right.
We can see this strongly in cultic thinking as the ?need to explain something away? as this provides the believer a sense of security and thus fulfills THEIR need to be right. As beings with a need to be right we have the innate desire to ?square everything away?. How often haven?t we left a messy desk and it just drives us crazy because we need to have it squared away. The very desire for structure in our lives is based on the need to be right. It just feels so right.
For me one of the keys to growth is to recognize this need to be right within myself. I am arguably of high intelligence but this is a two edged sword because it becomes easy to adopt parochial viewpoints without allowing the discomfort of ?I just don?t know? or ?I need to listen and observe without bias? and the answers will come to me. This has particularly applied in my case in my religious views (I was extreme) and in the desire for security financially. We don?t take chances or risks because we need to be sure that it will work ? the need to be right. The need to be right in a financial sense is one of the biggest limiters to achievement for most people. I have used the term ?I would rather be approximately right than dead wrong? so many times. This was my attempt to show myself how open minded I was. In fact it is an excuse. I needed to confirm things for myself to the point of inaction. The need to be right is most often the cause of failure. We think (because of instinct and training) that if we just work harder we will find success. We ignore the obvious fact that if we do what we have always done we will get the results we have always got. When we fail to find success we focus on doing the same thing but think that more intensity is the key so we work ourselves into a frenzy and when we fail all that we can do is give up or find other escapes for our frustrations. Instead of looking at the outcome and concluding that to achieve a different outcome we need to explore other alternatives we are blinded by our need to be right.
How many pointless arguments and squabbles grow from mere verbal sentences into full scale confrontation because both parties are motivated by the need to be right vs just working out suitable compromise? I have been involved in so many instances of this I have lost count. True I have improved because I recognize the need to be right and the consequences it brings with it.
I wrote this because I am about to embark on another life changing journey and the primary hindrance to my success will be my own need to be right. I have to embark knowing I will be uncomfortable; I need to listen intensely to what the realm I enter is telling me ? seeking indicators and basing my actions on outcomes rather than my own built-in prejudicial opinions; I cannot allow myself to trip over my own perceived intelligence?.
Bon voyage.