A positive story, at least that is what I think

by Eppie 6 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Eppie

  Hey all,

  I just came across this site today and I decided to join the gang :)
  Don't worry about the topic, I am not a JW that is trying to convert you back into the religion. However, officially, I am still a JW. I am a 19-year old girl that was raised in this religion. My whole family, as well my mother's as my father's, are JW's. As all persons here, I have my own personal story that I would like to tell you.

  My parents are JW, but were always quite liberal: we did study the bible and went to most of the meetings, however, I was usually allowed to do almost everything: go out, having lots of "worldly" friends, etc. Maybe this is the cause why I am in doubt now. Last year I changed school, I went to the last year of high school (dutch one, VWO), at a very creative and spiritual school, wrong according to most JW's since you learn to meditate and yoga etc. This was the perfect school for me, a creative, if I may say so myself, person. However, I came across another very creative person, who became my boyfriend. Although my parents are quite liberal, this was something that was actually wrong in their eyes. I knew that on forehand, so I did not tell them anything until it was all over. Meanwhile, a close friend (an elder) found out about my relation. He did not tell my parents or anything, but he "friendly forced" me to break up. So after two months, I did break up (for more personal reasons as well). I graduated from this school, and now I am studying at an international English college, and I live on campus. Before I left home to go to college, my dad said: "Studying and living there will make you quit your religion". And, in fact, he is right. Living in the "normal" world opened up my eyes, but also closed them. On one hand, I don't want to obey the rules that are ridiculous in my eyes (no sex, drugs and rock and roll?), on the other hand it is quite hypocritical of me: too egoistic to follow the rules, while I do believe that there is a God. However, I found myself a nice new boyfriend :) so I am in doubt again about those rules.

  I have read some of the other stories on this site, and most of them have negative emotions, feelings agains this religion. However, I was raised in a loving, caring, liberal family. I told my father that I might leave the religion and his answer was: "I don't want you to do anything that is against your feelings, never do anything what is not in your heart. I don't want you to do anything because of me and mom. I will always stand by you no matter what your decision may be." He knew that he was "losing" me to the world when he 'sent' me to college, but he supported, is supporting me all the way, paying my collegefees etc. So actually I do not have any negative feelings agains this religion. I think that it is wonderful of those persons, that they can live their life according to the bible, something which I can't do since I am too 'weak' for this. Of course, there are some bad persons among them, but comparing the JW's with most people: they do want to help, and do actually help persons whenever they need something (and I belonged to several congregations since my parents moved a lot, so I can at least say that those nice people existed in about 10 of the congregations).

  I feel like leaving this religion for a few years, enjoying life without limits for a while. But sometime in my life there will probably be the urge to go back again.

  I understand that there are lots of you that are happy because they left the religion, however, please be objective enough to say that not everything about this religion is bad, there are enough positive things about it as well.

  I hope I did not offend anyone here, and thanks for "listening" :)

  Nancy
• 

  Skimmer

  Hello Eppie and thank you for posting your story.

  You are quite right in your decision to attend college, and I hope that you will consider encouraging others, particularly other JWs, to give it a try. You are fortunate to have supportive parents; alas, not many JW teenagers have such and not only did these not get college support, but were even kicked out of the house for openly wanting to go on to a university.

  There aren't too many posters here who believe that everything about the WTBTS is bad. They do have a few good ideas: no stealing, no convenience abortion, support for ethnically mixed marriages, obedience to parents, etc. But there are plenty of other religions that do all these and more: food pantries, clothing for the poor, housing assistance, care for the elderly, hospital programs, prison ministries, and many other good activities all supported by scripture and clear to just about everyone except for the WTBTS. A close examination of the WTBTS shows that anything that involves them spending money is off limits except for printing presses and ever more real estate.

  If you haven't read it yet, I suggest reading _Crisis of Conscience_ by Raymond Franz, a former member of the WTBTS governing body. It is packed with documented evidence of WTBTS history and practices that they would rather have kept secret from you and every other thinking JW. Yet there is not a bitter or vindictive paragraph in the entire book.

  Work hard at college; what you get out of it is proportional to what you put into it. It is a big investment of your time, but it also will pay dividends for the rest of your life.
• 

  Celtic

  Explore and fly with your creative buzz, if this is what makes you feel happy inside, gives you that space to discover yourself, carry right on.

  I was brought up in the 'truth' for 28 years, left 6 years ago, on leaving I slowly discovered that a lot of the doubts and feelings of anxiety was shared in common with many others who likewise had been asking the same internal questions and the more I asked the more windows of opportunity were opened for me. Its now an onging healing experience.

  True, not everything the WT society teaches its members is as bad as some make out, but in their strive for a perfectionist model in an imperfect world, they ain't half screwing up big time many individuals lives on lots of other issues.

  I think they really need to get a lot more honest in their observable perceptive view and pro-active vision though to really achieve anywhere near the aims they are purporting to support.

  And they need to start Doing a lot more in the community, putting love into real action.

  Keep with your creativity

  peace

  Celtic
• 

  think41self

  Hi Eppie

  And welcome to the board! I am so glad you are able to get an education, and that your parents were not the really restrictive kind. That probably helped you develop more normally in a social way.

  You make a good point about not villifying everything the WTS stands for and teaches. I certainly do not think every member is a misguided fool who can't think for themselves. Some of the kindest, smartest people I've known were JW's, and still are. You must forgive us if in our recovery process we express our anger and resentment at what the borg has denied us in the past, or currently. For example, many of us have given up every friend and family member we have because of leaving the WTS. So we express that here, where it is safe to do so.

  I agree that you should read Crisis of Conscience if you haven't already. You will see that this man, Ray Franz, who has been touted as practically Satan incarnate by most witnesses, is a very kind humble man who could not understand what happened to him, and in no way hates the people who did this to him. It is eye opening, to say the least.

  Anyway, welcome again, and I look forward to hearing more from you.

  Tracy
• 

  Eppie

  Thanks for the nice replyes!

  I do realise that I am one of the happy persons (JW's) that is lucky enough to have a good education. My best friend, a JW-girl of the same age, and who was in my class in high school, is a pioneer now, while she works in a catering-business for almost nothing. Nothing wrong with hard-working people, but I know that she can do so much more with her life.

  I also realise that I am in the lucky position that my parents will stick by me when I get out of the JW. Although I will lose some of my family and for example the best friend where I was just talking about. But I guess that is just the way life is.

  Thanks again for your welcome, I am indeed glad that there is a site which is 'safe', and you certainly will hear more from me! (From next semester onwards, I will be spending 2 months abroad: studying in Spain for 2 weeks, and travelling around with a (worldly) friend, I know I am blessed :))

  Eppie
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  Francois

  I'd appreciate a list of all the "positive" things you've found about this religion. I have a hard time doing that after being in it for 25 years.

  I like your spirit.

  Francois

  My $0.02
• 

  Eppie

  ok, the things that are positive (at least to me):
  *) Baptising when you are grown up (at least not while you are a baby)
  *) Some of you have bad memories, but in principle they do teach you to be nice to others. Some of my JW do sacrifice themselves for others of the JW's (or studies of them)
  *) I think it is positive that not only one priest or something can preach, but that everyone can be a part of the meetings.
  *) Although they might have wrong bible-thoughts (I have not quite figured out yet of they are correct or not), they do study the bible and do not only read the watchtower, it is your own responsibility to study the bible, don't blame the organisation if people don't do that.
  *) They are not a part of the wars; they are neutral. At least they don't pray that their country can kill a lot of people.
  *) They give a goal to persons lives, it is their responsibility if they accept this goal.

  Anyway, these are just a few points that just popped into my mind. I am sure that there are enough negative things that can be said as well. But I rather focus on positive than on negative things in my life. Even though I might step out of this religion: I will remember the nice times and the positive things.

  Eppie