Funny Doctor stories.
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby
in the cab." I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted
the lady's --Dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly
I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong
one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. Big
breaths," I instructed. Yes, they used to
be," remorsefully replied the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that
her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than
five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the
family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began,
"Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line
perfectly. Now your left." Again, a flawless read. Now
both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read
the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had
done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both
his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble
with one of his medications. Which one?" I asked. The patch. The
nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm
running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress
and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over
fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal
of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
long have you been bed-ridden?" After a look of complete
confusion she answered. "Why, not for about twenty years when my
husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, So, how's your
breakfast this morning?" It's very good, except for the
Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the
patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman
produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
And Finally . . . . .
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed
performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he
had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The
middle aged lady upon whom she was performing this exam suddenly
burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from
his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling
you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you
were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
won't admit his name