Crisis of identity when leaving the WTS?

by Cautious 6 Replies latest jw friends

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  Cautious

  Hi, just a question about something that I have been wondering about for a while. Did anyone else have the feeling that they had to discover who they were when they moved away from the WTS?

  For the majority of my life I had been identified as one of JW, that was how I saw myself and it impacted on everything and everyone else in my life. I feel that being female and in subjection I had to suppress who I was in order to "comply" with what was required of a good christian sister. After a lot of pain and many sleepless nights, I came to the conclusion that somewhere inside I was still there, I just had to find out who that was. Still working on that one.

  When I left I found it hard even to make decisions, this had all been done for me before. I came home to me how set out for me my life had been before when I was visiting a friend one day. When I was asked if I wanted to go for a coffee or go to a movie, I realised that I didn't even know how to know what I wanted, I was so used to thinking about what would be the "christian" thing to do.

  Does this sound really wierd?

  Cautious, who doesn't have a clue what "normal" is.
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  Francois

  Yep. I think many people coming out of the Borg have forgotten who they are. That's what being in the Borg means, after all.

  But with some practice and a lot of unlearning and cleansing of your mind of the JW propaganda, you will slowly but surely come back into yourself. You'll be fine. Just trust in yourself and in your guiding spirit. After all, all who are led by the spirit of God are the children of God.

  Best,

  ft

  My $0.02
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  Mulan

  Hi Cautious. I went through what you are too. I think it is a fairly common thing, so don't worry about it too much. You are about to find out who you would have been without the cult. I know, for myself, I became MUCH more outgoing. I have always been extroverted, but now I am even more so. My personality sort of exploded!! It was hard for my husband, especially, to deal with me, because I also became extremely independent, and refused to let him control me any longer. We had to come to an agreement really, and he had to change his ways of 'asking' me to do things, because if he gave me a command, like in the old days, I would tell him off. He was pretty shook up for a long time, but it's great now. We both came out of the Borg at the same time, so had many changes to deal with. I recently read "Combatting Cult Mind Control" by Steven Hassan, and it describes the process pretty clearly. It made me see what happened to me. I also lost 50 pounds. But........I've gained back 40. That was dumb, huh?
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  RedhorseWoman

  Your feelings aren't weird at all. I've been out for quite some time now, but there are still vestiges of the "what do I do now" feelings from time to time. I think that I probably went a little crazy with freedom for awhile. My home is filled with books on all sorts of subjects, many of which I haven't yet had time to read. I know a lot of my book collecting was due to the stringent rules in the WTBTS about not reading anything not printed by the Tower.

  There were also many other repercussions from my years in the BOrg, but they are lessening, and in some cases have disappeared altogether.
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  hybridous

  Having been born into the cult, I wonder if there was really a 'myself' to come back to. Every thought, every opinion...sculpted from birth.

  I spent my first few years out stumbling around in a haze due to drugs and alcohol. I went from one extreme to another trying to find out who the heck I really was. My sanity was saved when I realized that, when not under outside compulsion, we are free to made up our minds and be the kind of people we want to be. For me, that is the ultimate truth of the matter.

  Also, I learned that there is no point on this life where I can sit back and say 'Ahhhh, I made it. I am who I want to be.' I think that it is a continuous evolution of the human spirit. Cautious, you said 'Still working on that one.' Well, don't worry about it. So am I.
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  JW83

  Hey Cautious, a fellow Aussie! I left last year and I'm finding it really hard, too. Even though I've always been fairly independent, I keep being surprised by how conservative the dubs made me. But I guess we're in there somewhere and we'll make it! Good luck!
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  Cautious

  Hello again, and thank you for the words of encouragement. It is a long road, isn't it? But a worthwhile one, I should say. I had to go out today and whilst waiting in a queue I saw a poster which if I remember correctly, had quoted on it

  "No matter how much is behind you, or how much is in front of you, it is a small matter compared to what is within".

  Actually, I just saw the post "Nice Bit of Skirt on WOL", and realised that we have come a long way since our dub days.

  Take Care
  Cautious