a test of the blood doctrine belief for my husband.

by nonjwspouse 7 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • nonjwspouse

    Although it is not him, it is our 12 years old daughter. We discussed what he would do if i were incapacitated and our daughter needed a blood transfusion would he refuse and he said no. ( I do want that in writing still)

    Now she is having a tonsillectomy, adnoidectomy and the back of an earring removed from her ear lobe( don't ask, I feel like a mother failure enough already!) This surgery has a high risk for bleeding out at a couple stages. So there is a real chance this could come into play.

    On top of me being stressed over her already being congested, my migraine now out of control, and I currently have a really bad cold ( hopefully nothing more) I can't even sleep thinking about the possibilities ( and the pain tonight) and the thought of her pain. I don't usually get this freaked out about a medical procedure. But then this isn't usual circumstances, really.

    I know I will be there ( unless forbidden due to a contagious germ) and if blood is needed, it could be 48 hours, or 7 days later after scabs fall off. So really I shouldn't be so concerned. I will sign papers needed. He did promise me after all. ( Though his promises I am still not completely convinced of, but 90% sure at the point.)

    Part of my "unreasonable" worry comes from personally knowing of three local children that died of blood loss due to a local DR that was negligent and didn't stop the bleeding or transfuse. ( This Dr killed himself the day before his malpractice trial about six years ago) I've known about my child's current Dr for a long time , and know the nurses trust him. So I should not be thinking of this, but you can't just "un know:" scary stuff like that.

    I will be glad when this week is over. I hope I will feel trust in my husband. I hope he will show evidence that I should and can trust him in matters like this.

  • nicolaou

    Could you not preempt the situation by giving the hospital YOUR written, dated and signed permission for blood products to be used on your daughter?

  • nonjwspouse

    Yes, I signed pre-op paperwork. But I know full well, how often the paperwork is repeated, all new, even though it was filled out before. It happened with my father's repeated visits. A question could be missed once and boom, it was not in the chart that time. Almost caused some serious problems if we, the family, were not there combing through all the instructions and medications.

  • Anony Mous
    Anony Mous

    I'd recommend talking to your child's doctor in private and talk to him/her about your concerns, sneak away from hubby or call them from work or whatever you can. Often you can also get the hospital's legal team involved and sign off on anything in advance. IF this becomes an issue (I truly hope it doesn't), I'd recommend getting your own attorney.

    On the other hand, many judges will sign over the legal guardianship of your daughter to the hospital/doctors as a matter of procedure, the hospitals and WTBTS have form documents and agreements to do so. Your protest would only be symbolic and that's all the WTBTS wants from you, they themselves are not going to fight it.

    If that happens though, if you do make a big protest and some local elders get involved without "asking direction from the branch", you or hubby could get some outdated advice like 'kidnap your children and bring them to another hospital' (which is 90's era WTBTS advice). There is a (very small) chance you will lose your child or even all children to Child Protective Services for some time and they'll be placed in foster homes if anyone at the hospital even gets wind that anyone has given you that advice or trying to do something like that, it's also possible that if they have prior experience with certain people and groups (even if it was 10 or 20 years ago, they keep track), the hospital administration will be more 'on edge' and thus hinting that you're going to protest could trigger a really bad reaction.

  • StarTrekAngel

    Prepare as much as you can even on the things that feel unnecessary. It would not hurt to even consider following some of the advice given to those who demand bloodless surgery (like prepping her system for a substantial loss). Besides, that may put your husband more at ease seeing that you are open to alternatives if they work. Most witnesses in my area are terrified of the word "transfusion". Many still do believe that such procedure would give you whatever decease the donor had. Including diabetes. (heard that one myself)

    I just had surgery (septoplasty) about a month ago. I don't know what happened to me but when it came down to the final hour (naked in a gown already) I got severely nervous to the point where they had to sedate me to lower my blood pressure. I was ready to quit and walk out of the hospital in the same gown. During this time the nurses came to finish paperwork. One of the many questions asked where whether I would accept a blood transfusion if needed. I immediately said yes but I realized later on that such answer did not come from either side of the blood debate. It was pure and simply a nervous instinct to protect myself. I can not imagine that anyone can make a conscious decision on the matter if it had to be made with just hours to spare and a group of elders surrounding you.

  • scratchme1010

    I will be glad when this week is over. I hope I will feel trust in my husband. I hope he will show evidence that I should and can trust him in matters like this.


    First, I'm so sorry that you are going through so much yourself and your daughter, and on top of that dealing with a JW husband and the blood situation.

    I agree with not dwelling in the worries ahead. It's good and healthy to be concerned, and a degree of worry is normal, but dwelling on what-ifs is a complete waste of time and feeds unnecessary anxiety over an already anxiety creating situation.

    High chances are that your daughter's doctor will be nothing like the one who committed suicide. I'd suggest to remain on top of the entire medical procedure and ask as many questions, but take that gone doctor away from your mind. It's not going to contribute anything positive.

    And of course, keep sharing here. Having a place to vent is always good.

    Aside from the blood issue, I hope you feel comfortable talking to your husband about all your worries. I know it's hard to talk to a JW about feelings without getting their agenda pushed down, but I hope he's there for you as a husband.

  • JWdaughter

    If you have notified the doctors and her surgeon of your wishes, in writing, this will be a non issue. You have consented and if a doctor/hospital has the consent, they are not going to go borrowing trouble with your husband because your signature is their out. NOT treating her while they have your signature is a liability that they won't risk. Just make sure all the parties have your consent and tell them what the deal is. They will always err in favor of LIFE, unlike WT minions.

  • fine4now

    Talk to the doctor. Hand your doctor authorization for blood. Make sure his office has it on record, give copies to the hospital, call and confirm it's on record. And then just take care of yourself and your baby.

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