recently left, need some advice

by loner1995 7 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • loner1995

    Ok. Some back story. I was born into the JW thing. So was my dad and mom. I was good, didn't comment very often and hated going out and preach but I was good. I started having doubts around 17, but I had no one to voice my doubts to. My mom had quit going a couple years ago, but I was home schooled with my 3 other siblings meaning not a whole lot of time with mom to talk about my thoughts. at 18 I got a job where I was around "worldly" people. I made a friend, someone I could finally talk to about my doubts. about 3-4 months after I voiced my doubts I told my dad I didn't believe any of it anymore. he was going to kick me out but my mom talked him down. None of my "friends" from the KH talk to me anymore, or when they did it'd be "oh haven't seen you at the hall recently". Nothing beyond that.

    About a year later I moved out and bought a house. I have some nice things and a steady job, but I still feel alone. Every time I talk about how I was raised they look at me funny. I just feel like no one really understands. Never had a relationship my dad shot down every attempt I made at one, he always said that I wasn't ready for those feelings yet. Now I'm just lost. Don't really know what I'm doing anymore, I feel like an outsider everywhere I go, and I feel like no one could ever understand me because I don't understand me.

    Sorry if I bored you but any help would be nice.

  • Anon2
    Your feelings and emotions are probably a lot more common than you know, and easily understood. You can't live your entire life in the atmosphere you were raised, then expect to compensate right away. Give yourself time. Maybe what you're offering is too much information too soon. Casual acquaintances don't usually need much info about your past, but you might want to share more when you get closer to a person. If questioned, maybe a short answer would be better without adding details. Things like, "we were pretty sheltered. Home schooled and parents were religious freaks," said with a smile. "Quite an eye opener not being in that environment any longer." You can tell by their reaction if you think it would be better to wait a while to share more.

    Wish I could be some help. Can't really tell you what you want to hear, but if it helps, know that others have felt, and will feel, just like you. I've noticed people don't care much about anything as long as you listen to their story, try to sincerely feel empathy for their frustrations and happiness for their success, and make them feel important. Everyone truly IS important. Some you have to look harder to see it, but it's there.

    You'll soon adjust and it'll be worth your wait. In the "world" as opposed to JW's, you can make "real" friends. Not fair weather, follow the rules or we'll shun you people. Best wishes to you and I hope you'll let us know how things are going for you.
  • JimmyPage

    Welcome! You've come to the right place. I felt much the same way when I first stopped going to meetings. It will get better!

    You're going to make friends here. Many of us are on Facebook. Who knows, maybe some of us live near you. Chin up. I'll bet a year from now you will be talking about how much better your life has become.

  • AgentSmith

    You may feel lost now, but that will fade with time. When meeting new people its understandable to feel the need to share your story. however don't unload the whole novel in one go.

    Those of us 'born-in' go a bit nuts when we escape the thought police. You will find genuine friends, and people who truly care.

    I wish you all the best on your new adventure.

  • JWdaughter

    You are going to do fine. Just keep on living your life and don't focus on the JW bit.

    You are a grown up. Believe it. Embrace it. Don't apologize for your choices to your parents unless you do some dumb ass thing that literally harms people. Your personal choices of home, partner, job, medical care, hobbies and sports are not up for their approval. Like all parents they may offer advice, good or bad, about different things. Learn the art of smiling noncommittally.(Freedom of speech is limited when you are an ex jw with JW parents if you want to maintain the relationship)

    Normal non-JW life: Most people just want to connect about the things that matter to you now. Figure out things that you love to do/see/play and pursue them. Let your life focus on what you love, not what you left.

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    welcome to the group.

    what Jimmy Page said----use facebook--loads of ex jw groups on there. even if not local to you--there are lots of people of all ages to chat to--and who share your experience.

  • PlatinumFix

    Hey OP,

    It's really good you managed to buy a house at a young age. I've had a big life change (I won't bore you with the details, check out my previous msgs if you interested) and left the org around June time. Obv leaving the org I lost so called friends so I've felt quite lonely. But I've thrown myself into education. And I'm going to start going to the gym soon.

    Great quote I heard this week - Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.

  • Johny Franco
    Johny Franco
    Dang bro, that's messed up but no need to feel sorry for yourself, as I was reading I saw myself speaking. I haven't left but, the part about not knowing yourself and being the outsider is personal to me. I have a great life including material things but the fact I was thought that everyone was bad, they where worldly, traumatized me to the core, I had great opportunities of establishing great friendships with "wicked" people sadly I always saw them as a threat now I see that the people inside perhaps are worse than the people outside and it hurts, because it feels like I put all my eggs in one basket. I'm still young and can change things but it really is hard to get good at obtaining meaningful relationships with non-witnesses it definitely is residue from a twisted, distorted point of view of non believers. Live life, concentrate on what you can control and move forward, it's going to be tough but it will be worth it.

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