My Sister

by Sirius Dogma 4 Replies latest social relationships

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  Sirius Dogma

  Argh. I am not sure what to do about this situation. My grandmother called me the other day to tell me my sister is getting married in the fall. My jaw dropped of course. A while ago she was seeing this worldy guy and I felt totally relieved. I thought maybe she was starting to see past all the bullsh*t she had been feed her whole life and might start to think and live on her own. It didn't work out so she just got into a relationship with this witness guy who she was sure was the one. He seemed like an ok guy, but had been DF'd then came back and seemed to be trying to lay as many witness girls as possible. I don't have a problem with that. I think it would be great if my sister would actually go out, have sex and realize that it has nothing to do with god or her relationship with him. She didn't do anything much with this guy, but he had some serious issues to work out. In the end she got really hurt and then immediatly found this new guy.
  

  So she is really into this new guy and he is a witness. When I asked her what was the story with grandma saying she is getting married in the fall she just said she didn't have a ring and she didn't know what would happen. I would never hurt fly although I told her I was going to find him and beat his head in with a crowbar if he thinks after knowing someone for a month you should plan on getting married. Is it just me or is it a bit insane? I know I overreacted and all. In my experience it can take years of a relationship to get to know whether you want to do something like getting married.

  I just don't want to see my sister get further entrenched in the borg only because she is lonely and horny.

  Has anyone dealt with this type of stuff before or have any advice on the subject?
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  joannadandy

  In my experience it can take years of a relationship to get to know whether you want to do something like getting married.

  I couldn't agree more! I've never understood this, "We're soul mates and madly in love" after a few dates crap. Yeah I can see you really hitting it off with someone and loving spending time with each other...but to me, that's the easy part--finding someone to get along with. The hard part is finding someone you get along with and wouldn't mind waking up next to for the next 40 odd years.
  

  I just don't want to see my sister get further entrenched in the borg only because she is lonely and horny.

  Sadly--this is what happens to most JW's. It sounds like she has had some really crappy relationships. It also sounds like she is on the rebound. It happens.

  I have been in quite a few situations like this...sadly. You can talk till you're blue in the face, and it usually doesn't matter because they are "in love" and you just "don't understand...it's different this time".

  It sounds like grandma may have been misinformed tho...and perhaps your sis was right, and grandma misunderstood. One can always hope. In the mean time, just be there for your sister. Voice your concerns, but eventually the choice is hers.

  (However in a pinch might I suggest chains and a combination lock only you know the combination to? Hee hee!
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  darkuncle29

  I think your situation is one where you need to figure out your own level of involvment; when to get into the mix, and when to just stand back and observe. That does sound cruel, but in the long run she will do what she wants to. She needs to learn the lessons that life teaches from our mistakes. Those lessons are priceless.

  Your love for her is also priceless. As an oldest of four, I can sympathyize with you how painful it is to whatch younger siblings mess their lives up-real or imagined. Even if I knew the details of your situation, I would not have an easy time finding my place. How does one find the balance point of helping and getting involved, and staying away and letting them sort it out themselves? I don't know, but in the end all you can do is love them.

  Probably not much comfort to you, but good luck all the same.

  Nate
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  Sentinel

  Well ya know, people can and do fall in love and stay in love a lifetime, after just an initial meeting or a couple of dates together.

  When I met my husband, he was just this kind gentleman that said hello, took my coat and hung it up, and welcomed me. (It was a non JW social event of people who were trying to cope with separation, divorce, raising kids, etc. They called it PWP "Parents Without Partners", and I believe they have dissolved now for the most part. It was all I could do to get myself up and out that night.

  Neither of us were "looking" to connect for sex or anything else. But, something clicked when our eyes met that evening. He called me and invited me to attend another function, and then to meet his children, and then two months later, we were a "couple", totally committed to a new relationship. Crazy as it sounds, we just knew we were meant to be together.

  Now some twenty years later, we are still happily together and have never regretted taking a chance, even though we'd both been so hurt by our other mates.

  So, your sister may know exactly what she's doing. I know you really care, but about the only thing you can do is let her live her life, make her mistakes if she makes them. It may turn out totally different than you could imagine.

  /<
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  Sirius Dogma

  Thanks all,

  I know she has to life her own life and make her own decisions or mistakes and I will love her no matter what. I really want her to find that special someone, I was just hoping it would be under different circumstances.