perfectionism

by particlesnwaves5 5 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  particlesnwaves5

  I know this topic has probably been covered before many times but I
  had an epiphany the other night about it. I was at a work group meeting and the subject
  for the night was "Progress--not perfection". I realized how perfectionism is ruining my
  life. I think alot of it stems from being raised as a Witness. We were counseled always to be
  perfect in love, in speech, in conduct, always to be unselfish, to never
  curse, never react in anger, never waste time...and on and on. Personality development always and
  to the max.
  I have been wondering why so many areas of my life seem to be such a mess
  and why I seem scarcely capable of remedying them. I think now it is because I expect
  such perfection and precision from myself. Also, I am feeling a backlash from leaving the Witnesses: with
  my own mortality in view, I feel the poverty of time to do work on the things that mean
  so much to me. I feel the need to get things right the first time which makes me scared to
  try.
  Persistance is the key to success. And that takes time and enduring many screwups--and learning from
  them. I know that intellectually, but the sense of urgency ever present in my head
  is hindering my ability to have patience.
  
  But we are all enrolled in the earth school. We are sent here to learn. This develops our character in a
  way that instant perfectionism never could. I am going to slow down and learn to enjoy the process.
  
  Anyway, that is my thought for today. (:
• 

  Fe2O3Girl

  Hello p n w 5! Welcome to the board.

  You make an interesting point about the polarised perfection/failure mindset. Unfortunately, when we expect perfection we are setting ourselves up to fail with unachievable goals. I saw my family do that so often.

  I like your username - is it a reference to the nature of electrons?
• 

  particlesnwaves5

  "I like your username - is it a reference to the nature of electrons?"

  Thank you. Yes, but after I made it up I thought maybe I should have went with "SuperStrings". Ha.The inner critic never sleeps.
• 

  heianderen

  Yes, perfectionism is bad thing, the search of excelence is another thing. I'm a ultra-perfectionistic. And I suffer a lot because of it. I regard this as one of my best qualities and at the same time one of my worst defects. I don't blame the WT for me being this way, it's true that being raised in "the truth" has increased my perfectionistic sense, but I'm perfectionistic because I was "born" perfectionistic, that is with a set of characteristics that easily lead to develop a perfectionistic personality. I think that is good to try to vanquish this trait, make it serve you not destroy you. There are some nice books about the subject out there. My psychiatrist often told me that I must feel good when I've made a mistake or when I'm not the best in something. Perfectionists like you and me base our self-esteem on our accomplishments, and constantly need reinforce. But we can win... keep fighting..

  _heianderen_
• 

  JamesThomas

  But we are all enrolled in the earth school. We are sent here to learn. This develops our character in a way that instant perfectionism never could. I am going to slow down and learn to enjoy the process.

  Welcome 5. Our "character" is a facade, that's why it called a character or personality (from persona). If you "slow down" enough 5, you may discover what doesn't need "developing", because it already is -- Perfect. My thought on your thought, I guess. Glad you are here. j
• 

  Gopher

  I find that perfectionism sometimes stifles my initiative. If I'm not going to do it well, others will laugh. So why even start?

  I know that's self-defeating. I'm trying to apply the 90/10 principle. Or is it 80/20? Anyhow, if you get something about 80-90% right, you can then perfect it if necessary. But you'll spend more time on the last 10-20% of the task then on the first 80-90%. So, it depends on how important the task is. If many people are relying on it, or if it has to do with personal safety, than of course 90% is not good enough.

  But with many things in life "good" is good enough. Other times "excellence" is needed. Sanity requires being able to differentiate when "good" is good enough.