JWs who were outcasts

by Nosferatu 8 Replies latest jw friends

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  Nosferatu

  When you were in your hall, did you ever notice certain JWs who kinda stood outside the circle of "loving association"? What I mean by this is JWs who never commented at meetings, never went out on field service, but seemed to just be left alone?

  There was one that i fondly recall in my old hall. He seemed to be just as much of an outcast as me. He was one of the few who would talk to me. Clearly, he was a good man and made me feel better when I was felt like shit at the hall. It wasn't anything he said, but it was just talking to me and being a lousy JW that made me feel better. He never commented at a WT study nor go out on field service. But he never seemed to have a problem with any of the elders. After I quite going to meetings, he died from Cancer. I attended his funeral, but I was incredibly disappointed in it. It seemed that it wasn't what he'd like to see in his own funeral. It was your typical JW funeral. At first they started off with a little bit about his life which I enjoyed very much. Then it turned into a Public Talk on Sunday. I found my mind drifting as it had when I attended the KH. I found myself incredibly disappointed by it and the "encouragement" I recieved from others to return to the meetings didn't help.
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  stillajwexelder

  Yes -- from experience there always seems to be one in each congregation -
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  wednesday

  I think we may have fit that description, at least in the end. Having been in the "truth" since birth, my family(of orgin and my family after i married) were never do wells. We either had problems that required "discipline" or we were just weak spiritually or we worked on meeting nights, or the wife in the family worked-not approved of then, or there was illness in the family that the elders very much suspected was just a manifestation of Jahs' dissapproval of us.Early on in my marriage we were part of the "group". Then mistakes were made and we were outed, never to be allowed back in. We went in service, and answered at meetings, but it was never enough. We were not good assocaition-something was wrong with us. So, eventually we stopped going in service, and answering at meeting and then attending. Not many people noticed. People just saw us at meetings and looked away. the elders never had a word to say to us. I swear this is all true. Why we stayed so long, i do not know. We just did not know what else to do. My kids hated the org and left and are all ok. JWS are cold blooded heartless people.
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  iiz2cool

  stood outside the circle of "loving association"?

  Yep, that was me for the entire 20 years I was part of the cult. Except that I did comment and go out in FS, and pioneered for a couple of years too. Once I became a baptized statistic they had little need of me anymore, except when they needed money, or someone needed help moving. The only time my phone ever rang in those 20 years was when someone wanted to get something out of me, but when I was injured and unemployed, cheated by a "brother" out of several thousand $$, and lost my home I had to move by myself, leaving behind everything I could not carry while on my crutches.

  Looking back, I'm angry at myself for not leaving this "loving association" sooner.

  Walter
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  amac

  I remember a close friend of my father's who wasn't really an outcast, but was interesting nonetheless. He as an elder before I was even born, but was never an elder or even a MS as I was growing up. After I became a MS I remember asking him why and thinking it was really peculiar because he was such a great guy. He just kind of chuckled and avoided the question and said that some people just aren't cut out to be elders. I was such a gung ho witness that I couldn't understand who someone could not do everything they could. Now I'm really curious as to why he didn't want to be an MS or elder.
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  SanFranciscoJim

  Yes, I recall someone like that in my congregation. He was one of the kindest men I've ever met. He also had a skin condition that would not allow him to shave, because he would get horrible welts on his face. He had a neatly trimmed beard and maintained a very well-groomed appearance. All because of the beard, however, he was forbidden to join others out in field service, and none of the elders would ever call on him when his hand was raised at the Watchtower study. He was treated as if he were on reproof, even though he had done nothing to merit shunning, except for the fact that he had a beard. (This was in 1979-80 and things may have changed somewhat since then -- I don't know.)

  I even heard an elder say to him once "Wouldn't it be better to set a fine example to the congregation by shaving and putting up with the welts until the New System?"

  Since he was forbidden to go out in field service groups but still was a faithful JW, he used to do street work outside a local shopping mall -- alone. I used to often see him there. He looked so lonely.

  Even after I was disfellowshipped, he continued talking to me. Whenever I'd see him doing his lonely street work, he'd call out to me and wave me over. He actually said to me once: "I admire your courage for standing up to what you know to be your truth." I never forgot that.

  I've often wondered if he remained a JW, or whether his isolation and unfair treatment eventually got the better of him, and he left. I will say this: He was the epitome of what JWs should be. If there had been more like him, instead of the judgemental, cliquish bourgeois elitist caste system, I might have just stayed.
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  amac

  Wow, he sounds like a great guy Jim. Wish more JWs were like that!
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  jws

  I remember a close friend of my father's who wasn't really an outcast, but was interesting nonetheless. He as an elder before I was even born, but was never an elder or even a MS as I was growing up. After I became a MS I remember asking him why and thinking it was really peculiar because he was such a great guy. He just kind of chuckled and avoided the question and said that some people just aren't cut out to be elders. I was such a gung ho witness that I couldn't understand who someone could not do everything they could. Now I'm really curious as to why he didn't want to be an MS or elder.

  Perhaps he was not allowed. I'm not certain of the exact reason, but in one fell swoop, about half of our elders at our hall were no longer elders. I don't recall whether they were "removed" or "resigned". But, we went from about 12 elders (as a result of 2 halls merging) down to about 6. Two of them (my dad and another) were 'demoted' to Minesterial Servants. The rest no longer served in any capacity. I don't know about the rest, but I know my dad got into arguments with other elders at elder meetings. From what I gather, my father wanted to do the right thing and the other elders wanted to do what the Society told them to do. For example, sending flowers from the congregation to the funeral of an unbaptised regular meeting attendee who had died. He was upset to the point of tears that the elders were so uncaring. I think he sent the flowers at his own expense (which was expensive for him).

  Perhaps this person fought such battles as well and was fed up. Maybe he was forced to step down and either by choice or by restriction won't/can't serve as an elder again. Maybe he, in good conscience, couldn't handle the invasiveness of the position and being forced to give unloving advice to others. Or maybe the burden of service was just too much for him. For somebody with a full-time (and then some) job and a family, I don't know how I would find the time to even attend meetings (if I was still a JW), much less go above and beyond by being an elder. I've often thought my dad's time as an elder deprived our family of him. But then again, as high-strung as he was when he was an elder, we sometimes didn't want more of him. The position also carries stress. Perhaps he has a medical condition. There are a variety of reasons that he may not feel are private. So, in a self-depreciating manner, he just says he wasn't cut out for it and leaves it at that.
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  Insomniac

  I have a feeling that most of us here were outcasts, whether because we knew we didn't fit in, or because the rest of the congregation could tell we were different somehow.

  I knew one guy in New England who was like this. We went out a couple of times, but it was like dating my brother-great fun to be around, but no "spark". Months later, I heard that he'd left the "truth", and was suspected of being gay. Then, two years ago, my dear friend and landlord (who is gay) told me all about this wonderful guy he'd met and was going on a date with that night. Turns out, it was my friend! I was so happy for them both, but alas, they felt no spark, either. Oh, well.