Old Memories

by Abaddon 5 Replies latest jw friends

  • Abaddon
    Abaddon

    Today for no particular reason I was mulling about the door-knocking. Perhaps it was the enui and dispair generated by having the second laptop go down on me in two days... and it's not nearly as interesting as it sounds.

    ANyway, I was musing; as with many of us I've knocked on a fair few doors.

    However, I've only had my door knocked on twice. Once as a dub, by some Moonies, and once after I'd left when I was in Sunday morning debauch girlfriend mode and asked them (JW's) to call back which they never did. Not that I wanted to hear what they had to say you understand... I wanted to have some fun.

    Anyway, the point of this rambling 'god, it's six o'clock and it's time to go home and I've done very little work today so I'm not going to start now' posting is in the reaction of the moonies when they called on me.

    I didn't say I was a JW, they didn't say they were Moonies; it was an older Asian guy and a European woman in her twenties, he very much showing her the ropes.

    After a bit of futile scripturefying from both sides of the door I figured out that they were in fact Moonies - he'd avoided the direct question. I think I said, being a smug little 'I'm not in a cult' shit, "Oh my god, you're Moonies!"

    The supercilious look I got was probably exactly the same as I had flashed loads of people when they'd done equivalent things to me.

    That was fifteen years ago, easy. Then I knew everything, I wasn't in a cult, and everyone else was wrong. I was god's little defnder trying to save the poorickle woman from nasty satanic cult. Iwas RIGHT! Yeah.

    Now, I know I've been in a cult, I know I know comparatively modest amounts, and that I have about equal rights of being wrong as Joe Average does.

    I do wonder if that 'interested person' with the 'elder' was fully sucked into the Moonies. I wonder if my 'opposition' was used by him as a teaching tool. I realise how even the most mundane events can be twisted and given meaning. I also know, no matter how right you think you are, that you can be HUGELY wrong.

    I think, other than the fact that opinions are like assholes (everyones got one... ) the reason why people here (self included) are so absolutist at times is that's the way we were trained.

    It took me ages to realise I was severely driven to BE RIGHT. Even when wrong I have the ability to argue for days, a bit like some insects can live for days without their heads. I know all the nasty little techniques.

    I can see from this board and other religous boards I've been to that I'm not alone with this affliction!

    I am now in 'therapy', and have found it very liberating to practoce saying 'sorry, I was wrong', and 'that's a good point' and 'you're rigth I didn't think of that'.

    I also have found that I no longer have to have an opinion about everything. JW's, poor sods, ask 'em for an opinion and they've got one. question it and they dig trenches.

    Having entrenched opinions about things stops you thinking. Of course, I can still come up with an opinion, but it's not something that neccesarilly needs validation. If someone wants to disagree...

    I still have hot buttons (bigotry, for example), but I'm getting better.

    It's great really, being free...

    SO, have any of you observed the same characteristics in yourselves?

    1/ Forceful opinions on everything

    2/ Inability to be wrong

    3/ Knowing everything

    If so do you think it's the mark of an ex-cultist, or just standard variation in human personality.

    (I think it's personality EXASERBATED by cult exposure).

  • joelbear
    joelbear

    Hi Abaddon.

    I absolutely have tendencies to be that way. I am right. My ideas are best. I need to be in control for this to be a success.

    I think, in myself, this comes from low self esteem and the need for me to constantly get feedback as to how smart or good I am. Along with my OCD, this makes me very hard to get along with.

    Therapy has helped me. Mitch has helped me. Having close friends that tell me to shut up when I need to be told to shut up has helped me.

    Now, when I feel one of these "I'm right and the world is stupid" episodes coming on, I am able to block it (most of the time). I practice by letting others make decisions like where to go to eat, etc. The more control I give up, the better I feel, when I am able to do it.

    hugs

    Joel

  • LDH
    LDH

    1) yes
    2) yes
    3) yes

    It does help that I'm a goddess though, Abaddon!

    I have been trying very hard for the last 6-7 years to not have to be right about everything.

    Even HARDER?!?!?! I ask other people for their opinion! And if I follow through on their suggesstion, I make sure I let them know how much I appreciated another viewpoint.

    I know I am getting better at this because some of my girlfriends ask me for advice on how to deal with man troubles. Women, who are much more prone to bouts of hormonal influence, sometimes 'sabotage' themselves.

    I am thinking of one instance in particular where a dear friend was panicking because the man she was seeing wasn't committing to her fast enough, and she wanted to drop him like a hot potato! (That's potatoe to Dan Quayle) Luckily I was able to get her to see *his position with compassion and empathy.* They are still together, 5 months later and he is committing his life to her.

    I do wonder, though, how often I'd pushed people away from being so dogmatic....

  • slipnslidemaster
    slipnslidemaster

    Wow Abaddon, it's like you are writing for me.

    1.) yes
    2.) yes
    3.) yes

    Slipnslidemaster: I thought you said your dog doesn't bite? That isn't my dog!

  • rem
    rem

    ....But I really am always right. No?

    rem

  • LDH
    LDH

    Once I thought I was wrong, and I was mistaken.

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