How long did it take you?

jumper

I spent most of my life waiting for the sky to fall, with most aspects of my life dominated by fear. Iam 37 and havent set foot in KH in over 8 years but at times even today when my brain say things like "dont think you have gotten away with anything Gods still going to kill you". The thoughts dont stay very long or come very often but when they do its out of the blue, and not cool at all. I just thought I would ask if anyone here has had like experiences? Or am I hopelessly brainwashed?

shaii

I believe that feeling that way is perfectly normal based on background. (I also think that however you feel about something, on any subject, should be taken seriously. What is normal anyways?) I had real problems with the whole "I'll die in armageddon" thoughts because I BELIEVED that i would. At first I dealt with that by telling myself that I'd rather die whenever that happened then spend everlasting life with an earthly commune of whackos and my half acre of land or whatever they've decided will be alloted post- apocalypse. That was good. I meant it. So no point worrying about it right? I felt i was clearly getting the better bargain regardless of the ending. As time went by I became more and more convinced from my own research and increased understanding that jw's have fragile basis for most of their core teachings, not to mention fiddling around with what the bible says, or obviously exhibiting all the signs of a high control group. So I slowly began to change my views (which were embedded from childhood) and one day I realized that i didn't believe i would die by gods judgement, at least not according to jw's terms.

Fear is a prison, but you can free yourself. I am confident that you will. Don't beat yourself up about an anxiety attack here and there either. As long as you have a reason for it, and i'd say you do, then you have less to worry about then you may think.

I'm sure i have been no help whatsoever, maybe distracting though (that can be good sometimes, ya know!) so maybe someone else will have something better to say. Cheer up!

gumby

You wanna know why you still have fear? At least in my opinion

Whether you still think like a witness, or whether you think like (some) christian's, the feeling can be the same.

If you still think like a witness, then you still believe that god still deals with these people and he's mad at you for leaving "them" and him.

A christian can feel that way if they are the 'type', who believe sleeping with one out of wedlock, or smoking weed, or not going to church, is going to leave them in the same boat as the sinking dub.

For many, the bible god is hard to please, doesn't rhyme, and does'nt jive.......for others, he can be pleased just fine if religion isn't involved.

Gumby

maybesbabies

I feel ya', hon!! Even though I think the JW's are full of shite now, I still have nightmares, and those fleeting thoughts. I think that after it's been drilled into your brain for so long, it's just damned hard to get rid of. It's an irrational fear, like the fear of demons, but I still find myself cringing under the covers on rare occasion! Don't feel bad, I think it's perfectly normal, considering what we've been through!

edited to say: Oh yeah, Welcome to the board!!!!

shamus

You need to ask yourself the right questions...

Would god really do that to you because you failed to go to 5 meetings a week to get beat down? No. Not the god that it speaks of in the bible. fff

It sounds like you grew up in the troof. Most people have no fear of dying whilst in the cult. When they get out, they are horrified to think that they WILL DIE. A scary thought initially, but you get used to it. The first thing that you need to do is do some research yourself as to why the religion is not correct.

Have you reasearched for yourself?

Reading Crisis Of Conscience is a great start! I highly recommend it!

Deleted

Hello. I let go of "the God's going to get me" thinking when I learned that there's no such thing as following Satan, a la the WTS. Satan is not out to get you, he's just the boogieman of Jewish legend and was a useful political tool in keeping the early christians in line. Like Santa Claus, he got life of his own. Control-oriented religions use him a lot to suit their purposes, but it's complete and utter bunk. The best read IMHO for getting away from negative thinking are the works of Echardt Tolle, particularly the Power of Now.

wannaexit

It does take a long while. The wt tentacles are long and insidious. It took me a good 2 years to get rid of the feeling that it might still be the "truth".

wannaexit

pc

Jumper, I stopped associating 20 years ago. I'd go to a meeting with my parents when I'd visit them with my kids. I always felt the same way as you. Waiting for the end to come. I was so brainwashed that I convinced my "worldly" husband about some of the doctrines. My mom got sick and I started researching the blood issue bcause she had a blood disease. She then died two years ago after years of not accepting blood. I started a journey from that day forward. She died May 2001. I live in CT and was specifically effected on Sept 11th. I then went to listen to a pastor in my town just to go somewhere that following Sunday. My life changed that day. I realized that there are people who are searching without any motive. Just good, nice, sincere people. I've been on my journey since. I found this website sometime around Oct of 2003. I have been amazed at the information I've read here. I now realize, take nothing at face value, and research it yourself(something JW's never do). So basically it took me my whole life(46 years) to see the light, but it's warm and sweet. Better to find out now then never is my saying. God bless you on your journey!!!PC

cruzanheart

Jumper, welcome to the board! It took me one year and therapy to get past that panicky feeling. I'm pretty well grounded now. It does take time, though, so please be patient with yourself!

Nina

patio34

For me, it was practically instantaneous. Knowledge is power, it seemed to me. But why I left JWs is because of not being able to convince myself that there was a god at all. I read books by evolutionary scientists, etc., and became convinced the god of the WT did not exist. Period. So, there's never any fear of retribution by such a "vengeful tribal war god."

Warmly,

Pat

How long did it take you?

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