I've Abandoned an Old Friend

by StephaneLaliberte 5 Replies latest jw experiences

  • StephaneLaliberte

    Raised as a JW, I was thought from early age that God was my friend. And so, I was told to talk to him several times a day through prayer and share with him my broad range of emotions as I went through life; and so I did. Even when I left the JWs, I asked for his support through countless prayers. I shared everything with him. Everything!

    Then, as I searched further, I started to question that relationship, realizing that for a relationship to work, both must contribute to it. I never had a revelation, vision or heard any voice from the sky. I was basically talking to myself! And so, I started to understand that things I considered answers from God were in fact simply good opportunities. Besides, why would God answer any of my prayers and ignore those of millions who perpetually suffer injustice on this planet. Thus, I stopped believing in a “personal” friend and stopped praying.

    As time passed, I went on to realize that there were in fact no evidence for his presence, only speculations, suppositions from people unsatisfied with their existence. And finally, a few years ago, I came to understand that God most likely never existed, it was an imaginary friend.

    Yet, this morning, before going to work, I decided to take a small walk in the forest and listen to some music on my Bluetooth speaker. All is fine until Elvis starts signing “Glory Glory Hallelujah”. All of a sudden, and for a brief moment, I am overwhelmed by this feeling: “I have abandoned a friend”.

    The religious person in me would see this as a sign that God does indeed exist and he is calling me out, “Come back to me my son!” - I could hear him say while looking towards the son. However, the logical person in me brought me back to my senses: “This is not God you are staring at, this is the son. And you, poor fool, have been indoctrinated since you were a toddler!” It’s a weird feeling encountering this type of feeling, the remnant of irrational teachings that was programmed in my head by my parents and a community that didn’t know any better.

    Still feels strange though. Just thought I’d share.

  • fulano

    I know what you mean, I sometimes dream of walking in underwear on a CA or DA. We have to get over it. Good luck!

  • Giordano

    You are describing every religion out there. A false, fake or F*&ked up god whose followers regurgitate the arguments of religious leaders who think they have the inside track for the god they believe in or try to manipulate because it suits their agenda.

    Here is the only truth I know........The language of god is silence.....everything else is a bad translation of that silence.

    A walk in the woods, by a stream or lake, a pasture, in the mountains can be the most honest spirituality you will ever experience. Enjoy.

  • peacefulpete

    Patterns of thinking like patterns of behavior are tough to change. I recall the purely habit routine of saying a rote prayer before eating, it was still there years later so I began to take the moment and thank my wife or the farmer that had produced the food just to break the pattern. It soon worked, but I still thank my host or whoever prepared the meal as that's just good manners.

  • jws

    I've gone through a similar journey. I saw god more as a strict father. But still. Went from leaving the JWs and trying to believe the bible, but agree that god is fictional.

    I'm technically agnostic. I can't say that some version of advanced life with technology that seems like magic to us isn't out there and that might be considered a form of a god. Perhaps even responsible for sparking life on earth.

    But the god of the bible? NO WAY! No way regular humans can be more understanding, compassionate, and smarter than god, yet time and time again, regular humans are better than the god of the bible.

  • lriddle80

    When I was a jw, I never really had a relationship with God. I did believe in him. After I left and became a Christian, one day I noticed him noticing me and that changed everything!

    The other day we were on vacation and decided to hand out sandwiches to the homeless people in Nome. One lady said she had just prayed for God to give her food. And then we showed up. And guess what? We wouldn't have even brought her any food but we missed our flight by minutes and had a whole extra day and remembered we wanted to make the sandwiches. God is amazing and if you have eyes to see, you will.

    We have been hurt by a narcissistic religion void of the real God. Don't give up on God just yet!!

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