Raised as a JW, I was thought from early age that God was my friend. And so, I was told to talk to him several times a day through prayer and share with him my broad range of emotions as I went through life; and so I did. Even when I left the JWs, I asked for his support through countless prayers. I shared everything with him. Everything!
Then, as I searched further, I started to question that relationship, realizing that for a relationship to work, both must contribute to it. I never had a revelation, vision or heard any voice from the sky. I was basically talking to myself! And so, I started to understand that things I considered answers from God were in fact simply good opportunities. Besides, why would God answer any of my prayers and ignore those of millions who perpetually suffer injustice on this planet. Thus, I stopped believing in a “personal” friend and stopped praying.
As time passed, I went on to realize that there were in fact no evidence for his presence, only speculations, suppositions from people unsatisfied with their existence. And finally, a few years ago, I came to understand that God most likely never existed, it was an imaginary friend.
Yet, this morning, before going to work, I decided to take a small walk in the forest and listen to some music on my Bluetooth speaker. All is fine until Elvis starts signing “Glory Glory Hallelujah”. All of a sudden, and for a brief moment, I am overwhelmed by this feeling: “I have abandoned a friend”.
The religious person in me would see this as a sign that God does indeed exist and he is calling me out, “Come back to me my son!” - I could hear him say while looking towards the son. However, the logical person in me brought me back to my senses: “This is not God you are staring at, this is the son. And you, poor fool, have been indoctrinated since you were a toddler!” It’s a weird feeling encountering this type of feeling, the remnant of irrational teachings that was programmed in my head by my parents and a community that didn’t know any better.
Still feels strange though. Just thought I’d share.