agape? I think not!

by Lonestar13 9 Replies latest social family

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  Lonestar13

  I am new...will try to keep this short and to the point.

  I was d'fd on 12/1/03. Up until then, there was a bookstudy held in my home. I live with my JW aunt and cousin (more like "orthodox" jw if there was an official distinction) as well as my NON-jw mother and brother with whom I am VERY close. Before the d'fing was announced, the elders met with the aunt and cousin to inform them that the bookstudy will not longer be permitted in our home since a d'fed person lives there. I am 26 years old by the way, not a minor child etc. HOWEVER, once my aunt displayed a shameful array of tears, they "gave in" and allowed her to have meetings for service here on wednesdays and fridays as well as a weekly letter writing campaign. However this is all based on the fact that I work during the day and that I will be not here, since evidently i am a "disease" to be avoided. This raises potiential sticky issues, like, suppose i wake up one day and i feel ill and decide not to go to work. what if the day is a wednesday or a friday? Or do i have to get permission before i schedule some time off from work? All of this does not seem right and i am ready to write a letter to the circuit overseer and let him know of the staunch SIMONY that is going on in the congregation here. thoughts please? should these meetings be held? also take into consideration that the house is 1/2 my moms and the other half my aunt. This complicates things further. No one from the elders approached my mom or even talked to her before allowing the bookstudy here. Since she is part home owner this should have been done. Instead they took my aunts word who is very overbearing as well. I am at the end of my rope. On top of that, my aunt and cousin will not say TWO WORDS to me unless it is to tell me to do something or order me around. My brother who is an aspiring actor and who needs as much family support as possible, had a play last night. My mom asked my aunt and cousin if they will attend. They sounded as if they would go, but then they asked if I would be there and when they found out that i would be, they told my mom that they cannot go. My mom who is not a jw does not understand any of this and they explained that "its not our law, its jehovah's law". well if they were so concerend about following "jehovah's law", then they would realize that having meetings OF ANY KIND at my house is WRONG. thoughts please!
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  Double Edge

  Welcome Lonestar.... story to hear about how you are being treated by your JW relatives..... I"m like your mom an brother - I've never been a JW, don't intend to be one and I really don't understand their "agape" attitude. Thanks for sharing ... I'm sure some of the ex-JWs here will be able to give you some good advice. my 2 cents ... if ever your aunt is invited somewhere where you're going to be, don't let her know you're going, then just show up. Thank goodness your mom and brother are not in.... in your circumstances, that's HUGE. Good luck.
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  lisaBObeesa

  Welcome!!!!!!!!!!!

  I think your mother should be able to see that your aunt and your cousin are treating you like crap. Can she see that? If she can, she should stand up for you!

  And since the house is half your mom?s and half your aunt?s, I think you should move out and get your own place where you don?t have to be shunned in your own house.

  Of course, the most evil (And fun!) thing to do would be stay home from work for the next 4 Wednesdays and Fridays and watch Harry Potter or Smurfs or Casper while playing with an Ouija Board!! Just joking!

  -LisaBObeesa
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  TheSilence

  Are you trying to be a witness again?

  If not I wouldn't consider their meetings when making any decisions. You live there, if you call in sick and want to stay home it doesn't matter that it annoys them, it's *your* home.

  If you are trying to be a witness again then you have to play by their rules.

  Depends what you want in your life, really.

  Jackie
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  jgnat

  Lonestar, I am with Lisa that the shunning thing and following the rules thing is your Aunt's problem, not yours. Your mom is a good example on how a regular person behaves. I say, scrub off the DF label off your forehead, and behave normally. Since you are no longer part of the WTS, why should YOU go out of your way to make it easy for your aunt to continue with her Wednesday and Friday activities? If you happen to be home, let HER scramble to make alternate arrangements.

  Also, at 26 years of age, you can strike out on your own. Who chained you to your badly-behaving Aunt and cousin?
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  Narkissos

  Welcome Lonestar!

  I fully agree with the other posters: you ARE free, even though you may need some time to realize how free you are. I was disfellowshipped myself some 18 years ago, and during some months I tended to behave as a kind of "leper" with my JW family or other friends. Gradually I realized it was not my problem anymore!
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  Maverick

  I don't think going to the CO will change anything. The good old boy policy will apply. He will back up the Brothers and not you. Your Mom is a grown woman and has to speak up for herself. If you were viewed as hard-hearted and would not suck-up to the Elders they will make sure that you are punished as forcefully as they can. Gossip is a main method used by the Congs. of Jehovahs Witnesses. Everyone who is anyone will know all about what you did and how you acted. There is no confidentiality in the Hall. That is a big lie! They will use that tool to neutralize you and any influence you might have.

  Try to just go about your business and let them step around you. Don't run from them. Don't let them have any power over you. They are frightened little children who are powerless unless you give them control. They, the Elders and any duds who shun you, are to be pitied. And if your Aunt loses the use of the home because of you...Tough-S**T for her!

  I wish you peace...Oh! and WELCOME!!!!!!Maverick
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  Lonestar13

  Well said by all!!! And I wholeheratedly agree. I am currently taking steps to reduce and eliminate some debt incurred in my early 20's. I am well on my way to that. I hope to have the debt elimiated by May and I am hoping to move very soon. Of course my Non-Jw mom plays lotto regularly so one can only hope...

  I have thought about the non-support that I would get from the CO, however I still think he needs to know what is going on here, but of course he will back the brothers. I know and understand that fact!

  The only true answer is for me to move, becuause yes, to be shunned in my own house is beyond ridiculous and my non-jw friends are amazed that I have not gone off the deep end by now. I understand that it is all a mind control thing, and that if you feel lonely enough without your JW "friends" then it will make you want to come back. That has the be the absolute worst reason to want to come back. To be honest, I want to serve God and not men. The JW's , my crazy aunt and cousin included are so serving an organization and they cannot see it. they will do anything the brothers tell them to do witout checking the bible first. It is so sad, and the majortity of JW are doing that as well.

  If I do come back it will be to prove and expose the majorty as ones serving and org, and for that I may be put out again!!! To be honest I really think that the elders in my congregation, 5 out of 6 of whom have only known me for about 3 years or less, were quite taken aback that I have my own "views", that I am strongwilled, opinionated etc. I am quiet by nature but I REFUSED to back down in the judicial meetings. They probably saw me as a potential "problem" in the congregation and as one who would undermine their authority.

  Thank you all for the advice! I will take it to heart!
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  SixofNine

  Just curious, who is your CO? We've had a thread on here in the past where we mentioned all the CO's and DO's we knew, and how we rated them; good/bad etc.
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  frenchbabyface

  Welcome ...