As you may know, the czarina and I had our first party as a married couple last night. Since the pictures may take a while to develop, I decided to give all of you the rundown on the amazing time I had at my first official xmas party. This ties in nicely with our xjw theme, because it was my christmas party! Yeehaw!
10.) Seeing my younger brother in a leg brace and Santa hat.
9.) 3 cases of 24 beers - means there are 72 bottles of beer in my fridge. Welcome a friend, drink to the end, means 71 bottles of beer in my fridge. Repeat for 9 and one half hours.
8.) Teaching young college girls how to do tequila shots. There no more 1800 in my house. It's in my belly! (And down their shirts)
7.) "It's my darn Christmas party and I can sexually harass anybody I darn well please!"
6.) For once in my life, I can honestly say that I DON'T want anything to drink.
5.) Sleeping till 3:30 pm the next day. Think that'll interfere with my meeting attendance? Maybe this partying is getting out of control if it's getting in the way of my kingdom service.
4.) It was 7:30 am, this morning, and I was waking up - NOT to go to the Kingdom Hall, but for an infinitely more refreshing spiritual experience - the drunken hangover shower! That's right, I rolled out of bed with a headache like the Fist of Satan beating on the paper thing walls of my skull, wobbled uncertainly across a floor littered with the unconcious bodies of my fellow revelrers, loudly announced (after crashing into the door) that I was still drunk, and hopped into the shower. Ahh, the heat mists loosening the caked gunk in my sinuses and then... ooh lala, the sudden cold rinse! Wow, I can feel my pores slam shut and squeeze out innumerable toxins as they do so. Yes, there is a God, and he saved my life this morning.
3.) My toilet picking this night of all nights to snap the chain, necessitating a certain amount of fumbling in the tank in order to flush. Try doing that when you've got eight beers, a White russian, three shots of tequila and a devastating loss at shot glass chess in your bloodstream.
2.) Making the czarina angry (something I said that was taken the wrong way) so that she woke up early and, fuming, cleaned the place up. I mean, there are probably more effective ways to express your dissatisfaction with your lord and husband, but this might actually be negative reinforcement. All I had to do was some dishes and apologize (it's all sorted out now, it was nothing serious, so everybody calm down.)
1.) And, the best thing that happened last night - I DIDN"T THROW UP! I didn't even feel sick at ALL! Just a mild headache. Praise be!
Okay, I've got to roll.
CZAR