Overcoming Religious Sexual Shame

by 720Reddog 8 Replies latest jw friends

  • 720Reddog

    Being born and raised a JW presented many problems for me sexually. Abstinence-only sexual education has been largely discredited, and shown to have the potential to actually increase problems and risk of engaging in sex without condoms or preparation. My first sexual encounters were not with condoms and i had some issues because of that. Thankfully they were not life altering. But based on most JW's i wonder how many of them have had issues because of no sex education or just lack of knowing anything about sex. / to furhter the article i am posting / Unfortunately, the vagueness and broadness of the sexual constrictions in the purity movement, left people confused, and often feeling that they must reject even normal, healthy sexual urges. Sadly, only sexual urges within heterosexual, committed, adult relationships were defined as healthy. This leaves out a lot, and also abandons teens to be unable to learn or understand their own sexual urges, with the notion that they will understand them, once they’re married.

    feeling immense shame and pain about their sexual urges, desires and behaviors, as these young people encounter the wide world of sexuality available outside the confines of these moral fantasies. Sexual shame is not solely a religious issue, but it is in the religious communities where we are now seeing this problem reach epidemic levels. Atheists who watch porn rarely report concerns or problems with it, while the strength of a person’s religious beliefs and moral condemnation of porn, predicts that they will feel addicted to porn, regardless of how little they watch. Religious people are at heightened risk of developing sexual disorders, and feeling at a loss to deal with them or get help. Sadly, when people within religious communities seek help for their sexual concerns, they are most often told to suppress or “battle” their sexuality, or sent to pseudotreatments such as sex or porn addiction programs, where their sexual desires are portrayed as a form of sickness.

  • APieceOfShitNamedTate
    I remember as a kid seeing the effects of a sister's pregnancy out of wedlock. I didn't even fully understand it at the time. All I knew was that her belly had gotten big, and for some reason that was "bad".
  • waton
    risk of engaging in sex without condoms or preparation. My first sexual encounters were not with condoms

    720reddog, you lucky dog you. The human race has been procreating successfuly for 10s of thousands of years without sex education.

    Monogamy as advocated by wt and others is very restrictive, but creates a safe haven for solid child upbringing. Highly recommended! It does nothing though for the sudden evolutionary appearance of spurts in great developments , like top earning athletes.

    Condoms? hate doing any work with gloves too. Family members do not pass pathogens to their partners, and the rhythm method works just fine. it is cosmic. did you know,

    that the Sun, the Moon/Earth and our procreation rotates/revolves in a ~ 28 day cycle? lock into it!

  • jws

    To Waton's point, yes the human race has been procreating without sex education. But, that doesn't mean it was always a good thing. Without education, pregnancies weren't controlled. And for the non-monogamous, STDs were common. If you think the rhythm method works just fine, you might need a sex-ed course.

    The whole JW thing messed me up. You weren't allowed to date until you were ready for marriage which left me stunted when it came to the opposite sex. At my hall, asking a girl out was about equivalent to proposing. You were supposed to be serious and it seemed weren't allowed to break up without ruining your reputation. If you broke up, you weren't serious and it sounded like I could even be in trouble with the elders for that. Several decades later, I'm still trying to get a handle on casual dating, just to go out and not think of where it's leading.

    As far as sex, I don't think I had any issues. I had paid attention in sex ed, read stuff, and had seen porn. My first experience with sex was with my first girlfriend who wasn't a Witness. It kind of started a theme I had going for a while until I left. I'd date "worldly" girls. I could do more things with them. Not just sexually. We could go to clubs, take in an R-rated movie, go drinking, see rock concerts, etc. And no chaperones! Sex was often a part too though. But I'd always thought that I have to marry a Witness. So if a JW girl came along that I liked, I'd end up breaking up with the worldly girl if I was seeing one. It was an asshole move. But it's what I was programmed for. I had to settle down with a JW girl because I didn't want to be "unevenly yoked". But until one came along...

    I did have sex with one Witness girl and some messing around (short of sex) with another. She was surprised that I "knew my way around" her anatomy (for supposedly being a virgin) and kept asking if I'd done this before.

    Had I gotten married to a JW woman, I don't think I'd have followed their rules against oral sex. And I'd certainly have hoped she wouldn't either. Although my ex-wife was very JW-like when it came to giving, even though she was "worldly".

    I guess as a JW, watching porn or masturbating made me feel guilty. Not enough to stop. But to try to suppress it and to feel guilty like I had to make up for it if I did.

    Becoming an agnostic, I lost that guilt completely. I even made sure I told my kids that it was normal and OK, lest somebody else got into their heads and told them otherwise. I didn't want them living with the guilt I had. Masturbation is, in my opinion, the safest sex you can have - as long as you're not masturbating with something dangerous like a cheese grater. You don't get STDs, nobody gets pregnant. You can probably get addicted. And it may affect real relationships where people look average. But you're not going to get punished by some imaginary being.

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    Cheese grater? Not tried that. Do tell us more.

  • DesirousOfChange

    I dealt with a lot of guilt over early sexual exploration as a teenager and esp over no hold barred sex after getting engaged to a great JW girl. Her JW brothers were very promiscuous before getting married so I think she saw it as “wrong” but normal. I occasionally even dealt with the guilt over oral sex even after being married.

    Anytime something negative would happen in life I would blame it on not having Joe Hoover’s blessing because of my rule breaking with my girlfriend and then wife

    Now I see it all as just normal behavior. Learning about & experimenting with sex is part of growing up, just as having sex is part of being an adult. Of course I think we Americans are still the most prudish people there are in the (Western) World. So there’s a lot of f*cked up ideas about sex in general even without ever having been a JW.

  • Vidiot

    I've sad it before and I'll say it again...

    ...sexual repression fosters sexual deviancy.

    All hang-ups do is turn you into a freak, and not the fun kind.

  • 720Reddog

    I posted this because sex when leaving the JWS is a real thing hate it understand it its not up to you

  • 720Reddog

    Nothing about this post makes me happy or feeling good i just talk about how i feel make of it what you will ie isnt g and if it is please share cause it destroyed mine]

Share this