by sinboi 7 Replies latest jw experiences

  • sinboi

    Did the org have any guidelines on shunning?

    If the son is d/a or d/f, are the parents supposed to disown him, chase him out of the house?

    For husband and wife, do they need to divorce or what?

    I am very lucky. My parents still give me allowances when I go school. When I sick, my dad still bring me to the doctor.

    When I tell them that they are suppose to shun me, my dad told me he still need to fulfill his duty as parents.

  • DesirousOfChange

    Publicly, they say that nothing changes between family members. We know that is not completely true.

    It sound like you are a minor living at home. That is the one situation where most likely nothing changes. They are still your parents. They are still responsible for your welfare. They are even "obligated" to continue to "study" with you and encourage you to "return to Jehovah". (That study would not likely be with other minor children in the family.)

    However, if you were not a minor, some JWs would encourage tossing you out of the home. Some JW parents would do that. An elder who did not do that to his 18 year old (or older) DFd child, would be removed as an elder.

    If you were living outside your family home - already on your own. They are supposed to shun you except for dealing with "important family business". This is where JWs hedge if they choose to do so. Anything, or nothing, can be important enough to associate with DF family. That depends on the parents and the pressure that the local JWs (esp Elders and peers) put on them.

    Since you are living at home, you might seriously consider "repenting" and getting reinstated. Later you can "fade" when you are capable of maintaing your own household and the issue of shunning will be (at least) lessened.

  • Island Man
    Island Man

    Minor children still living at home aren't to be shunned by parents or those living in the home.

    Adult relatives still living in a home with JWs aren't to be shunned by the relatives, but they're supposed to limit association to essential family communication and the DF'd adult isn't to eat at the same table with them nor participate with others in spiritual conversation or family worship.

    If a DF'd or DA'd adult is regarded by the elders as being a "threat to the spirituality" of other JWs living in the same home, then depending on who has ownership rights to the property, the adult ex-JW will either be thrown out of the house or the other JWs will leave. I think this is almost always the case, even if the ex-JW is not seen as an immediate threat, except in a situation where the adult ex-JW is unable to live independently. "Threat to spirituality" is also a condition on which a JW can divorce or separate from an ex-JW spouse.

  • scratchme1010

    Did the org have any guidelines on shunning?

    Yes, especially if there are minors involved.

    If the son is d/a or d/f, are the parents supposed to disown him, chase him out of the house?

    Not physically if they are minors since they could get in legal trouble for doing that. If they are not minors, many JW parents choose to kick them out of the house, but there's no written rule about it. However, if they live under their roof and are being supported by them, they should abide the rules of the home owner and the person who is providing and supporting the son/daughter. Emotionally, yes.

    Also, some JW loving parents look the other way and still do the right thing and don't disown their children over some Jehovah nonsense.

    For husband and wife, do they need to divorce or what?

    Not necessarily, but if the d/f or d/a a person is the woman, she has to be "submissive" to her husband, and he has the opportunity to do and treat her any way he wants (or any way he can get away with legally). If the d/f or d/a person is the male, then the woman has to go through a whole load of nonsense to balance still being submissive to her husband and fulfilling the demands of the Jehovah nonsense.

    I am very lucky. My parents still give me allowances when I go school. When I sick, my dad still bring me to the doctor.

    You are not lucky. Your parents are legally bound to do so. That is their responsibility and duty to do. They have to do that if you are a minor under their guardianship. When you turn legally an adult, then you could say if you are in fact lucky. Also, taking care of you as a child should not be a matter of luck. All loving, responsible parents should be more than happy to support their children.

    When I tell them that they are suppose to shun me, my dad told me he still need to fulfill his duty as parents.

    See my comment above. I find it sad that he doesn't say that it's because he loves you and wants the best for you.

  • sinboi

    I am not that young. I'll turn 17 next month. A brother was df'd when he was 16 and was chase out of the house.

    I will be in the army when I turn 18. The elders will have a very good reason to force my dad to chase me out of the house.

    If my dad still refuse to chase me out, will he be df'd?

  • freddo

    Hi Sinboi here's "da rulez"

    You cannot be DF'd for associating with another DFd person unless you are vocally going about saying you don't agree with the decision to DF or otherwise sticking it in their faces where they bring in "brazen conduct" - the clever catch-all sin. If the parents are discreet it may not be an issue. If caught out by some nosey busybody who runs to the elders they (the parents) can claim "necessary private family business" without disclosing what it was.

    If the DF'd relative is a minor then the parents get a free pass to keep them in their home until they are an adult before they get pressure to do otherwise. This is not rigorously enforced at age 18 but at 19 or especially 20 upwards they will get pressured to consider why the DFd person is there. If it is perceived that you are there because you just want to then the parents will get more pressure. At the other end of the scale if the householder wants his DFd parent to live with him because he is aging or unwell then the same scrutiny will apply. Needed or just convenient?

    Now if the Parent is a pioneer or especially an appointed MS or Elder then his qualifications will be "considered" (scrutinised) and unless there is a damned good (JW) reason then they will be deleted from their position.

    If they aren't an MS or Elder then the elders may choose to restrict "privileges" as they see fit.

    If you are joining the army then I guess you would only be able to try to visit your parents when you are "on leave" and so if your parents operate an "under the radar" policy the problem shouldn't arise.

    I guess the problem will be whether your parents will go against "da rulez" rather than the elders who may not be aware of your visits.

  • Chook

    Welcome Sinboi hang in their , ask your parents about the 1947 awake which said disfellowshipping was a pagan practice. Ask them was god directing the writings in that awake or how did they come to the conclusion it was pagan. Ask your parents how come Jesus immediate family didn't shun him because he apostatised from the Jewish faith. Ask for one example that Jesus shunned any former believers.

    Logic and sound reasoning doesn't exist in wt land. I'm a little afraid of telling you that you may end up another orphan on this forum who we are proud to adopt as our new son , again welcome.

  • sinboi

    Wow! Thanks! It's Jan 8 1947 Awake Pg 27. I have googled for it and printed it out. Really wonder how my dad will react when he read it!

    I never know they ever thought it was pagan. So when did they start df-ing people?

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