Dating a Religious Person - Thoughts?

by Garrett 9 Replies latest social relationships

  • Garrett

    Hello my dear friends :)

    I am here once again because you guys are pretty much the most awesome peeps ever.

    I have a new dilemma that I'd like your opinions on. As most of you know, I'm an agnostic. I've been talking to this girl for a while now and she is amazing in every way. She's exactly what I've never been able to find and makes me very happy.

    The one thing that concerns me is that she is religious. She's a catholic. I was wondering if any of you had any experience with dating someone of another faith and if/how you got over your differences? I personally am willing to accept her views but I don't know if she will do the same.

    I'd just love your thoughts on the subject. Can a relationship work out with one being religious and the other not?

  • Giordano
    Please explain "she's religious". Have you told her your an agnostic? Would she care?
  • FayeDunaway
    You simply need to talk about this with her to find out if she's cool with it. Also, if your relationship progressed, would you be cool with your kids going to church? Keep in mind that Catholicism, especially these days, isn't like being a witness. It's a lot easier for religiously divided families if the religion isn't a cult like the one you have known. Also, you're agnostic, not atheist, which makes the religious divide a little narrower. Would you go to church with her and support her? You wouldn't have to do the faking thing, you could just explain you're an agnostic to people and they would be ok with that. A lot of it is your attitude. If you can respect her beliefs and not belittle them, and if she respects that you don't think her religion has all the answers, this could work.
  • 2+2=5
    Should be fine except she goes to heaven while you burn in hell.
  • Finkelstein

    I think it would be in your best interests to seek that answer out for yourself like sitting down and having a long talk.

    Who knows maybe she might be flexible upon your position , then again she might not making your relationship cold and distant at times. Some of this relates of course to just how deeply adhered is she to being a Catholic or is she light practicing moderate. ???

  • never a jw
    never a jw
    Religious? It's ok, not overly or fanatically religious, just religious enough to keep debates within the realm of reason and avoiding hurting sensitive souls.
  • Wonderment

    Garrett: "Can a relationship work out with one being religious and the other not?"

    Yes. It depends of course whether each one will respect the other. Without respect, no! I repeat what FayeDunaway wisely stated: "A lot of it is your attitude. If you can respect her beliefs and not belittle them, and if she respects that you don't think her religion has all the answers, this could work."

    In line with the above, both would have to consider whether any of you have extreme tendencies. For example, my wife is a devout Seventh Day Adventist. Thus, her Saturday observance (from sunset to sunset) is kind of sacred. But somehow, she is ready for her Sabbath even before sunset -- does not want to engage in any work long before or after the Sabbath is over. When Sunday comes she is still kind of celebrating her Sabbath. In other words, she needs part of three days to overcome her observance. That alone can affect our plans for the weekend.

    Thus, as a husband who does not observe the Sabbath, you can see how an extreme attitude of the believer can affect the relationship between both parties. Also, she has at times brought out my past JW faith out of nowhere, and how it bears into my present life in a negative way. Perhaps she is right. All religious and non-religious differences become greater when the pair live together. In all, we both are making honest efforts to accommodate the needs of each other. Regardless, I love her very much.

    The point is that if you are not sure, keep alert for any red flags, and don't ignore them. Just three days ago in the dentist office, I met this lady who is now married for the second time. She admitted dating online just once in between with someone else she liked very much, but did not commit to him due to him becoming very angry, almost violent, for something she considered minor. His behavior scared her. It was the red flag for her to exit the relationship.

    So Garrett, stay alert to her responses as you come up with various subjects. The problem is not so much whether she agrees with you at times, but how she handles your opinions and your dislikes when they do happen. Again, it comes down to respecting each other.

  • Garrett
    @fayeduaway @wonderment thank you so much for your thoughts. We have spoken a bit on this matter and it does seem that she respects my views as much as I respect her's... We'll speak a bit more and see where it goes but I think everything will be ok!
  • KateWild

    Well Garret it's nice to know you have spoken to her and she respects your views.

    Things seem to be going nicely for you. I wish you lots of happiness.

    I too am dating a nice guy. He is Catholic too. We talk about religion and politics a lot. We respect each others views.

    Kate xx

  • done4good

    If she is actually "religious" in the overt sense, I would say stay away. Religious folks at that extreme will eventually need to chose between you and their faith at some point, to some degree or another. However...

    In my experience with Catholicism, very few are like that. My wife's family is Catholic, (she herself is agnostic), and they are very accepting of the fact that neither of us are believers, (including a BIL who is a former Vatican priest). I really don't know of any modern Catholics that have such a polarized worldview. They tend to view most of their religious rites more as family tradition, than actual requirements to be "saved".

    All religion is toxic, but this one in modern context, is a good deal less than most.


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