A sister I knew has passed away: I may go to the funeral

by StephaneLaliberte 9 Replies latest jw experiences

  • StephaneLaliberte

    A sister that I knew has passed away recently. We weren't friends, but back in the days, she, and her family, were among the people I would always talk to at the hall and assemblies. She was the type of sister that was kind and probably had more love to share than most people I know. Anyways... I know I will at least make a card, the thing is... I feel that I should go to the funeral out of respect, yet, I haven't been to the meetings in years (since I faded out).

    In reality, I think I'll go, its just that I never realized how much pain going back there for 30 minutes will cause me. To have to sit there and hear them use such occasion as an infomercial. I already feel pain about knowing that I won't see this sitter again (in this life at least), funerals are supposed to be a time where you meet with old time friends and family and I feel this will be anything but that. I'll probably get the cold shoulder and all.

    But on the other hand, I want to be stronger than this group. I have values and a moral code that I am not about to break for them. I believe that Funerals are sacred, regardless of the religion. That woman has been kind to me over the years and I know I will regret it even more if I don't go there.

    Well, seems like I made up my mind while pouring my heart out on this forum.

    Anyways, thanks for being there you all.

  • DesirousOfChange

    Well, seems like I made up my mind while pouring my heart out on this forum.

    I think you've made the right decision. Don't let the JWs keep you from doing what you think is the correct thing to show your respect and appreciation for the dear lady.

    (Glad we could help.)


  • stuckinarut2

    Hope it goes well for you.

    Attend for her sake, and for the sale of respect. Don't worry about anyone or anything else.

    I attended the funeral for the elder who first introduced me to this forum and the content available online. He was awake, yet no one else knew. So I respectfully attended his service.

  • aboveusonlysky

    Same as above, make it about your friend and nothing else. I recently went to a funeral of a really old guy who was always friendly to me at meetings, even when I was fading, I'm glad I did it.

    The talk will make you mad, 4-5 minutes at most about the individual and the rest used to advertise the Borg

    people may use it as an opportunity to preach to you as well which was annoying for me as there were many things I could of said in reply to ones telling me they missed me and I was welcome back anytime (yeah right!), but I kept my cool and just made it about my friend who had passed away, quite a liberating experience in the end, hope it goes well for you.

  • Darryl

    If it was me which it's not but if it was i would have just stopped by the funeral home to view the body for a few and that would be it. She's not going to know if I came or not and in my opinion the funeral is for the living. You are giving your support to the family and close friends, you listen to some nice reflections perhaps some funny stories. Of course you don't have all that at a JW funeral excuse me memorial service. In my mind it's just another meeting with a boring talk dull songs and a bunch of uptight men and women there who will probably give you the cold shoulder. I can't imagine all the bad memories walking into a KH today would conjure up. But as you said it's your decision and you made it Hope all goes well.

  • StephaneLaliberte

    You know what Daryl, if she is exposed somewhere, I will go to that, and it will be enough. Otherwise, I will go to the funeral. However, in my area, it seems like JWs don't get exposed or buried. Its directly to the incinerator and into the box. Not that the society has any opinion on the matter... its just the way most people do it around here (Quebec, Canada).

  • Crazyguy

    I went to a funeral last year for the same reasons, in the end they give you crazy looks and it just turns into an infomercial like you said. It's not worth it I only went because close family was going and it would look really bad if I didn't go.

  • stuckinarut2

    Just read an interesting quote online:

    "How many of your "online followers" would attend your funeral?"

    I wonder too, how many witnesses would attend our funerals?

  • StephaneLaliberte

    Witnesses? A bunch... at least 50! They would all be there to support my Dad, a very active member of their community. Since I am "inactive" it would make it all ok.

  • StephaneLaliberte

    UPDATE: So I went to the funeral home and meet many friendly faces. All was nice and well I have to say. In fact I felt so welcomed by everyone there that I ended up going to the Kingdom Hall. Well, there, I saw a whole lot more people... some I hadn't even seen in 20 years! And then, after 50 solid handshakes, hugs and kisses, I realized just how much all of that love is shallow and empty. They all asked the same questions, barely listening to the answers. All that matters was basically giving a worm welcome and ... move on.

    Than the talk. I actually went to the Kingdom Hall hoping I would learn a few things about the deceased. Honestly, I have heard other JW talks where the brothers would tell stories and show pictures, etc. But no. Not that talk. You see, this time around, the brother followed the new outline, where he would go back and forth about spiritual matters and say something about the deceased. The drawback of this is that he ended up repeating the same things a few times. And also, say things like: "Sister x believed this, or that". So, in all, I'd say that we had about a full minute worth of information about the deceased.

    This was even more insulting in light of the fact that ever versed he referred to and every examples he used... just about every witnesses in the hall know it by heart. Why? Because they go over that stuff at least twice a week. This means that the large majority learned NOTHING from that talk. How can you be encouraged when you learn nothing. Nothing at all. If at least you are shown a different angle to something you know...perhaps. But that was not the case here.

    I ended up regretting going to the hall as everyone I saw there were largely phonies and I learned nothing at all.

    Well, I still have to admit that I did have some level of pleasure. Some people there knew I was inactive and I'd take delight in saying that my family and I were happy and doing well. There was one elder in particular who tried to making me feel bad about being inactive and I dodged his questions right and left, never addressing the issue at all.

    Anyways... I just hope I won't have to go back to often... only time will tell.

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