The Surprise Of Many Over Shunning From Family And Friends

by dubstepped 4 Replies latest jw friends

  • dubstepped

    I think there's a level of cognitive dissonance that is present within many that leave over the shunning thing. I hear so many tales of people that leave and think that their family will talk to them. Sure, that does happen, but it's by far the minority. My wife was surprised at her family's reaction to us going to visit my disfellowshipped brother. I told her that it would have consequences, and she didn't think so. It did, immediate and swift consequences of shunning for one visit to my brother at that time.

    If you leave, expect to be shunned forever. That's it. If you get anything more than that you're doing good. Yes, their shunning is stupid. Yes, these supposedly loving people are prepared to psychologically torture you to try to manipulate you, and maybe more importantly, to prove to themselves that they can take this ultimate stand for their "truth". It isn't so much about you really, but more about them and their relationship with the cult, but you need to start from the baseline of knowing that you're going to be shunned and it will be for the rest of your life. Honestly, it may be for the best, as those individuals have the stank of the cult all over them, and you can't interact with them without it. They are toxic people, often with tremendously dysfunctional boundaries and beliefs. It is sad. It is often heartbreaking. It is real though, and needs to be accepted when you leave as what will happen.

    That doesn't mean that you can't hope for something to happen, maybe someone to awaken and come out with you at some point in the future, but so long as you are on those opposite sides of the fence, expect not to see them. If you're expectations are that these cult members are going to be reasonable, you're often setting yourself up for tremendous disappointment.

  • jp1692

    Agreed. It's best to have realistic expectations and be prepared for the worst. Then, if you aren't shunned, it will be a pleasant surprise.

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    If you are a lurker, still a witness, confused... read it and get used to it because this sort of abuse happens everyday. If you take a stand for what is right you may have to pay this price. Act wisely. You don't have to do it cold turkey. Read about fading and other options to get out incrementally, but GET OUT. We are here for you.

  • Chook

    Because I have slipped the noose so far regarding DF, JWs have heard I'm opposed yet corporate sanctions haven't applied yet, whenever I run into JWs such as 2 days ago . I ran into elder who has in past tried to linch me in judicial hearings but is in cong next door now. He inquired as to where I was living and I said I was only in state for 4 days ( my version of theocratic warfare ) I could feel the cult culling moving closer, I just applied my Teflon coating. As to shunning I'm very fortunate that I have no blood relatives under WT control. As regards shunning the JW religion taught us to be thick skinned regarding people with opposing religious views , if 8 million shun so what , I can't talk Chinese and if I went to China 1 billion would shun based on no communication, suits me fine.

  • Still Totally ADD
    Still Totally ADD

    Thank you for your good insight on the matter dubstepped. This truly helps me deal with my kids shunning my wife and I. As long as they are in the cult they are truly toxic. This helps a lot. Still Totally ADD

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