Born atheist, my best friend is a JW.

by Maxsara 4 Replies latest jw friends

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  Maxsara

  As stated in the title, I have been raised an atheist, and while I have a relatively open mind, I do not currently believe in a god. My best friend, who I met six years ago, is a Jehovah's Witness. I believe the reason he has been allowed to be friends with me is because he didn't have many at the time we met, and his parents wanted him to be more social, but we've kept in contact ever since.

  Over the last year or so, I've done some research into the organisation he is part of, and I have been lead to believe that it is generally quite hypocritical and has many cultish (using Hassan's definition) tendencies. What he believes the organisation to be does not line up with what I have read about it. I'm sure all the reasons I have to mistrust the organisation have been said a thousand times on this forum, so I'll just assume readers know what I'm talking about. I do not wish for him to waste away his life serving a group not worthy of his time. He already hasn't gone to College, despite definitely having the smarts and ethic for it.

  My question is: how do I go about de-programming him?

  You can understand that I'm in a precarious position: as a worldly friend, I could quite easily be construed as under the influence of Satan, and should the elders or his parents catch wind that I'm trying to wake him up, they would almost certainly force him to cease contact with me. I would much rather fail at awakening him than lose him as a friend, so I'm being cautious.

  At the moment, when the topic of his JWness comes up (which is fairly often given how much time JWs spend on the organisation), I respond in a supportive manner, never encouraging his practices, but always happy to ask him about it (eg. how was your witnessing this morning, that cake you baked for the seminar looks great etc.) Is this a bad thing to do? Should I make my position more clear so that I don't accidentally steer him further into his faith?

  Aside from passive comments, we've only had one active conversation where I questioned his beliefs in my best impression of an epistemological conversation. I phrased it as my own questions, not me undermining his beliefs, and it went fairly well, but I haven't brought it up since because I don't want to push my luck.

  Does anyone have any experience in this sort of situation? Have I been going about this the wrong way so far? Should I slow down, or push harder?

  Thank you for any responses you may have.
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  days of future passed

  It's always different for people what will get them thinking. Certainly posing questions that require research is a good route to go. Have you found JW facts? They have a lot of info on this religion that might be helpful.

  I haven't had much success with the jw's at work. Although I've tried to at least make their lives a little better by getting them hooked on Craigslist goodies and garage sales. That doesn't seem like much, but garage sales to a JW is a gamble cause they might get a demon infested item. That goes for Craigslist too. So I'm just trying to get them to enjoy life and hopefully, they spend more time enjoying than thinking about the religion.
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  moreconfusedthanever

  Perhaps ask him what evidence there is that he has the one true religion. The witnesses believe that they were chosen by Jesus in 1919 but what happened in 1919 to support this? What proof is there? How do they know that the 8 bozos in New York speak for God - what proof is there?

  Fact is that they do not believe what they were teaching back in 1919 when they were chosen so either it wasn't truth then or it isn't truth now.

  I asked my own family this question as they want me to return to the meetings. I said if they could prove to me that the Governing Body is who they say they are then I would return. Their response was "they do not owe you proof". There simply is no answer to this question because it is not the truth.
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  Giordano

  Welcome Maxsara.

  You have asked a really difficult question.

  Over the last year or so, I've done some research into the organisation he is part of, and I have been lead to believe that it is generally quite hypocritical and has many cultish (using Hassan's definition) tendencies. What he believes the organisation to be does not line up with what I have read about it.

  So how do you make this clear to your friend......you don't.

  There is this thing that's called cognitive dissonance "In the field of psychology, cognitive dissonance is the mental discomfort experienced by a person who holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values. This discomfort is triggered by a situation in which a person’s belief clashes with new evidence perceived by the person. "

  So if you are questioning his beliefs or challenging his beliefs it's going to put a strain on your friendship. In the JW world obedience can be more important then faith. A JW has been hard wired from birth to believe.

  There is another problem as well. A believing JW has to use rational ignorance to hold on to their beliefs.

  Rational ignorance is refraining from acquiring knowledge when the cost of educating oneself on an issue exceeds the potential benefit that the knowledge would provide.

  A JW does not really study evolution or earth science they just accept the bible explanation in Genesis.

  A JW accepts the Society's ban on a life saving blood transfusion. But doesn't really question why a dietary rule forbids a transfusion.

  So to date you have been wise in understanding the boundaries involved.

  On the one hand I wouldn't encourage him in his JW beliefs and time spent. Just accept it. If he's happy being a JW........ leave it alone.

  However if he asks you a personal question and asks for your advice then stick to the issue at hand. If it's on the religious side of things compare how other religions deal with various problems.

  One final example: The JW'S have a pedophile problem.......I wouldn't start with it as a JW issue............ I'd start with the Catholic Church's Pedophile issue. How the Mormons and other religions deal with this problem.................. and depending on his reaction maybe ask him why the JW's use the 'two witness' rule when a child has been sexually abused.

  Good luck!
  
  
  
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  DesirousOfChange

  Certainly posing questions that require research is a good route to go.

  But they have to be "sincere" questions and you'll have to be careful about where/how you got the information that you are questioning. Did you get it from "apostate sources"? the internet? a former (disgruntled) JW?

  Your friend may not even be aware of some of the most notorious scandals (UN, Child Abuse Coverups, etc) as most JWs just simply believe everything they are told by the WT leaders. Anything that contradicts, must be a lie.

  Good luck!