My Story

by WeatherLover 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • dubstepped

    Healthy boundaries (of which JWs know nothing) are where you end and I begin. You have to live your life for you, not them. There's a great book called "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud that helped me, just one of many that helped me get emotionally healthy enough to take my life back.

    Welcome to the forum. You'll find nice and supportive people here, and a few that aren't so. For all of us that wasted too many years of our lives asleep in the organization, do us all a favor and go live a happy and free life. Your parents get to choose how they react. That's all on them. You can't control that and have no responsibility to live your life the way they are most comfortable with. Their love is conditional and most JWs are about control, which sadly is not love. Who has greater love, the person that only loves you for being exactly what they want, or the person who loves you for who YOU are?

  • LoveUniHateExams

    Hi, WeatherLover, welcome.

    I also want to go to college - go for it!

    Education is important for several reasons.

    Also I think I'm gay (or maybe bi) - absolutely nothing wrong with this. You are what you are. Straight, gay or bi - it's all ok.

    You're right not to rush things but it'd be very difficult faking it indefinitely. I managed a successful fade, but you must do what's right for you and your situation.

    All the best

  • mrmagic

    Hi WeatherLover welcome. Kudos for your courage in daring to take a look at what is out there on Jehovah's Witnesses. Congratulations on your future possibilities for freedom and health.Setting healthy boundaries with those you love can sometimes be very painful. You have to risk being real and risk rejection and risk the possibility of being the "persecutor/bad guy" in unhealthy triangulations. What you are experiencing as a young adult is normal and natural, the Will to be an individual who makes their own decisions and takes on responsibility for their life in their own hands. This is the opposite of the enmeshment many religious organizations and parents work so hard to keep their kids and members in.

    Jehovah's Witness parents have an almost impossible time separating the difference between an adult child and a adult son/daughter. You're also dealing with wanting to go to college and possibly being LGBT, so that's quite a bit to deal and work with, but you're among friends who we support you :)

  • ToesUp

    " I am overly empathetic when it comes to not upsetting my family, I really can't stand the thought of bringing my mom to tears. "

    Welcome. Your statement above shows how much you care for your family.

    It's amazing how WT has the family to use as emotional blackmail. It should never happen. One should never have to make that choice. If there wasn't the shunning and DF'ing, you know there would be a mass exit.

    Move slow and like Simon said..."do what is best for YOU". Unfortunately, there is no easy way to get out of this cult.

  • Still Totally ADD
    Still Totally ADD

    Welcome Weatherlover. I love your name. How did you come up with that name? No advice just warm feelings for your continuing adventure. Good to have you on board. Still Totally ADD

  • WeatherLover

    Thanks for all the replies!

    I understand that its up to my family to decide whether they associate with me or not, but I can't blame them because they are also victims. I blame it on the religion itself, the idea that holds them captive.

    I'm not 100% sure about my sexuality, I did like a girl once. But when I'm fantasizing, I'm mostly thinking about guys.

    Regarding my name, I enjoy reading about the weather in different places and I find weather in general very interesting. I may even major in meteorology in college.

  • steve2

    Welcome WeatherLover - nice avatar. I've often thought that baptism is the first step in leaving the organization because once the individual is baptized, there's a huge anticlimactic feeling and inside that feeling are the seeds of disquiet and disengagement. Once out of the baptismal pool, for many it is downhill pretty soon. Reality is like that.

    Yes I agree with others who suggest you proceed very carefully. There is no urgency to sort stuff out - even though your JW mind might scream about the need to do so. Reality is messy and not conducive to being put in little boxes. Take your time - time is now on your side whereas when you were a JW it wasn't.

    Keep in mind too that you are a well raised JW - your conscience towards family and friends is super-sensitized to not hurting them. That's a valuable trait to possess...for now - but if carried to extremes, would have you a marionette to their expectations of you for the rest of your life.

    Because you're from a high-control religious group, you'll be highly affected by FOG (Fear, Obligation and Guilt). These controlling emotions have been subtly instilled into you over many years - they will not evaporate over night. Learn to be aware of them. You will learn that because something "feels" true, doesn't mean it is true.

    Also, keep things in perspective: JWs are just one of many organizations that seek to control through fear and threat. You will surely know that there are groups "out there" that are even more draconian than JWs when it comes to pressure to conform and comply. In some religious groups (think Islam and Hinduism) to leave the group is to court literal danger in many countries. While JWs can treat you as though dead, the last time I checked they weren't allowed by secular law to do this literally. Phew!

    So Welcome to our likely-bi weatherman. May your time here be stimulating and supportive and, yes, even challenging. It also sounds like you will be a valuable poster. Stick around.

  • WeatherLover


    Since you like my avatar, here is a bigger version!

  • OnTheWayOut
    I understand that its up to my family to decide whether they associate with me or not, but I can't blame them because they are also victims. I blame it on the religion itself, the idea that holds them captive.

    I share that thought. But you are in a really tough place. A good counselor would tell you that you need to be yourself, but they don't fully understand Jehovah's Witnesses. Being gay or bi would be a huge thing to hide, if that's what you should choose. I faded from Jehovah's Witnesses for the sake of a few family members, but I don't hide that I don't go to meetings anymore. I do have life choices to hide, but they are pretty minor- things like celebrating birthdays and holidays with non-JW's. And I am free enough to do those things without going through much to "hide" it.

    Anyway, please please please continue to plan for college as you said. Things that you know are not wrong, and you know are not disfellowshipping offenses- get your family used to the idea that you are going to do those things when it is important to you. Let things like college be a way to open conversations with your family. Good luck.

  • BluesBrother

    Hi, where you are- we have been... our empathy is with you. I can relate to your family concerns.

    Take your time, but keep on keeping on. There are many of us out here.

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