To recap: PIMO/fading, continually in the process of dis-engaging.
As part of an ever-blossoming departure from the ways in which I grew up and spent a lot of my adult life, I had a moment recently where I took some of my own control back..... Let me explain.
One defining moment I had about 8 years ago was when I shredded my "blood card", or DPA. I had decided that those beliefs were not the ones I supported. It was a little scary, taking that little step, that really only I knew about.
Fast forward: Recently, as I grow older and need the standard tests that come with age, I had the opportunity to reclaim even more of my independence from previously-held doctrine and beliefs. I was in the hospital for a very minor procedure. I hadn't given it a bit of thought, until I was in the hospital bed, all hooked up and ready to be wheeled into the OR. After the doc had come in and reviewed with me the "scope" (see what I did there?...) of the work to be done and the extremely minor risks involved, the nurse handed me the standard consent forms, and asked me to sign them. She also needed verbal confirmation of my signature and consent. Then, there it was: That one line sentence and a box to initial:
I agree to accept blood or blood products if the doctor deems them necessary.
Holy Hell. My brain went on fire for a brief second. Then I stopped. Here I am, an over-50 male, extremely healthy, great job that I love, building a great retirement portfolio, wonderful wife and family, living a good life and enjoying it! If something goes wrong while I am out, and the doc deems it necessary to save my life with whatever he can and with whatever he has at hand... do I really want to say "no, full-stop, sorry. The 8 guys in NY said that it would make the big J very sad.... so you need to let me bleed out and die."
It was in that exact fleeting millisecond that I made a choice. One that no other person would truly understand at that exact moment. I chose to live. If something goes haywire..... save me. I don't care what anyone else thinks or says.... I will live.
And there it was. MY choice. MY body. MY life. I took control, and it felt wonderful.
So anyways, the procedure went perfectly fine, no issues of any kind. But in that moment, I knew I had reached a new level of taking control of my own future. I LIVED.
The lesson, the take-away? YOU control YOU. Dont let anyone take that power from YOU. Sometimes it's small steps, but just do YOU.
Jack Harper, Tech49