Games For When We're Older

by AlanF 5 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  AlanF

  Chapter 1: Games For When We're Older

  1. Sag, You're it.
  2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
  3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
  4. Kick the bucket.
  5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
  6. Doc Goose.
  7. Simon says something incoherent.
  8. Hide and go pee.
  9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta.
  10. Musical recliners.

  Chapter 2: Signs of Menopause

  1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
  2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him.
  3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
  4. Your husband chirps, "Hi honey, I'm home." And your reply, "Well, if it isn't Ozzie f---ing Nelson."
  5. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest.
  6. You change your underwear after every sneeze.
  7. You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendales

  Chapter 3: Signs of wear

  "OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says,"Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"
  "OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
  "OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
  "OLD" IS WHEN..... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
  "OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
  "OLD" IS WHEN..... When you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
  "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.
  "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
  "OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to go pee.
• 

  waiting

  To Continue on this closely approaching time.....
  ****************************************************

  AAADD (Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder)

  I just wanted to let you know that I have recently been diagnosed with this condition. The scientific world is frantically searching for a cure. This is an ailment many of us suffer from and may not as yet have been diagnosed.

  However, now you may be able to discuss it with your loved ones and explain what really happened to you all those times you worked so hard to accomplish something and didn't. I call it the 'But First Syndrome'.

  You know, it's when I decide to do the laundry. I start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table. OK, I'm going to do the laundry.....BUT FIRST I'm going to read the newspaper. After that, I notice the mail on the table.

  OK, I'll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack.....BUT FIRST I'll look through that pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Yes, now where's the checkbook? Oops...there's the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I'm going to look for that check book.

  BUT FIRST I need to put the glass in the sink. I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor flowers need a drink of water. I put the glass in the sink, and there's the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter. What's it doing here? I'll just
  put it away......BUT FIRST I need to water those plants. Head for the door and.....Aaaagh! Stepped on the cat. Cat needs to be fed. Okay, I'll put that remote away and water the plants....BUT FIRST I need to feed the cat.

  END of Day: Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are not paid, checkbook is still lost and the cat ate the remote control.... And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done all day, I'm baffled because.......I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY!

  I realize this condition is serious....... I'd get help........ BUT
  FIRST......I think.....I'll check my e-mail!!

  Posted by my charming, older, sister - Patio.

  waiting
• 

  Englishman

  'Mornin', Alan.

  My wife asks: "Whats the big deal with the menopause? Tell me about the "Girl 'o' pause"!

  Christina.
• 

  buffalosrfree

  Alan, enjoyed those I had to work with elderly peopole for a period of over seven years and they are really fun and frustrating at times. One i heard several times was that getting older means saying I'll see you later because later may never come. I found that many older people were very caustic and intended to act like rearends now that they didn't care what people thought anymore. Thanks for the post. Buff
• 

  think41self

  Alan,

  Looooooved this post! I am laughing so hard I probably can't spell straight.

  I just have one question. You sound like you are speaking from much personal experience?

  think41self
• 

  VeniceIT

  ***Looooooved this post! I am laughing so hard I probably can't spell straight.****

  And that would be diff how Think????

  Ven