Watchtower Society Dilemma: How do they keep the numbers UP?

by Gamaliel 2 Replies latest jw friends

  • Gamaliel
    Gamaliel

    The Society doesn't loudly report the number of baptized members. It is more interested in average publishers, and then peak publishers in any specific month of reporting. (The publishers can include children and those in the "pipeline" for baptism. The Memorial attendance also is given more importance every year, since it more than doubles the publishers.

    But after they've already boosted the numbers by counting publishers (even children) and then tried out the new 15-minute reporting rule, to count a few extra publishers who might have perhaps become irregular and finally inactive otherwise -- what's next?

    I'm thinking maybe they should look into a way to start geting credit for the memorial attendeers (MA's). They wouldn't want to take the whole 100% increase in one year, for fear it might drop the next year. I think they should do it like this:

    2004: allow MA's to pick up a survey at the back of the hall that includes a question on whether they have ever promoted JW doctrine to anyone since last Memorial. (10% increase)

    2005: hand the survey to all MA's this year (another 10% increase)

    2006: take names and addresses and mail them this year with a follow up call (another 10%)

    2007: go to their house, interview them, and fill out the survey for them (another 10%)

    2008: change the question to "have you ever said the words: "Jehovah, Jehovah's Witness(es), or Kingdom Hall" this year in a positive context? (another 10%)

    2009: add a supplementary question: "Have you ever mentioned the above words in any context whatsoever?" (another 10%)

    2010: This year add: "What the hell? Have you ever used term "God" "Jesus" "Christ" "Lord" "Almighty" in any context, or any combination, swearing or otherwise? (That should get the rest of 'em)

    Cheers,

    Gamaliel

  • metatron
    metatron

    Drop the 15 minute requirement down to nanoseconds per month.

    metatron

  • Gamaliel
    Gamaliel

    They could start sticking bumperstickers on buses and strangers' cars, then wouldn't those bus drivers and car drivers become publishers even though they didn't know it?

    [Why are you looking backwards to 1914?]

    [What's my sign? --All the signs say 1914]

    [Ask me about 1914]

    [My "vehicle" started in 1914 and was inspected in 1918]

    [In case of rapture, this car would have been a Model-T] (the resurrection was in 1918)

    [Millions now driving, will never live --past 2014]

    [I brake for Armageddon]

    [Armageddon? Just around the corner and next to the blinking light.]

    [My other car is...going to be the first Rolls Royce I find after Armageddon]

    [You think you're running late? We've been waiting since 1914]

    [The 1914+80 years generation ran out of gas in 1994 - but we've learned to run on fumes!]

    [1914 -- running on empty, since 1995]

    [If you think these signals don't work, try the sign of 1914]

    Hmmm. If they could get someone at the License Plate offices to squeeze 1914 into every plate, somehow, that could drive up the numbers, too.

    WE-B-1914

    1914-MT?

    1914-4EVER

    CAR1914-WHERE-R-U?

    TGIF,

    Gamaliel

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