Grandma's Guilty Conscience
For the holidays my girlfriend and I had planned to travel home and enjoy some time in our home area and visit with all our families. She has several siblings and both our parents are divorced and living separately so it was a really busy time traveling around visiting each home.
My girlfriend was never a JW, but as for me I have been df'd for about 7 years now. My grandmother lives in the vicinity of our parents and she is a active JW since the 80's. She studied with me, and played a major role in grooming me to be a witness. When I was disfellowshipped, naturally she was upset and told me she could not talk to me no more.
Through the years, and her being married to my unbelieving Grandfather, we still maintained somewhat of a relationship. If I came into town I would visit with her, or she might have a meal with me and a few other family members. Occasionally she would bring up if I would ever return, or if I still believed in the Bible. I would always tell her respectfully that I would never return and that once I had learned real truths about the organization that it wasn't a possibility. I was aways careful not to push too hard and tried not to come off as trying to deceive her into apostasy.
Recently, being busy with school, work and moving to a new city, I had not kept in touch with my grandmother and started to feel a little bad about it. So I decided to give her a call and see how she was doing. The phone call was nice, and I knew she was pretty happy I had called. My grandfather passed away 2 years ago, so I know she feels lonely and the family altogether is more distant than we use to be. When I came into town this past week I had planned on seeing my grandmother, even kind of expected to see her come over and eat with my mom and introduce her to my pregnant girlfriend. When I got to my moms I asked her if grandma was coming over and she said no. I asked her why and she said "you know how your grandma can be". So a little later I pressed the question again asking why she didn't come and I didn't understand why, and my mother said that she said it was because "she feels she shouldn't associate with you".
I felt a little stab. I had just spoken to her a few weeks before and she seemed OK with a little communication. I then felt angry and told my girlfriend I would never try to speak to her again. A few days passed and my anger subsided. I was still a little hurt but I knew its what she has believed for so long. I just didn't understand why seemingly out of nowhere she decided to impose the no communication policy with me after the several years of me having somewhat of a relationship with her. It wasn't until the other night I was browsing through this website that I found out there was a study article recently in the WT about cutting ties with people who left the organization, that made me realize the timing of her actions.
I was lucky to escape in my mid twenties, others spend decades and like my grandmother some will see there own death not knowing the TTATT. I wonder, if some on their death beds finally realize that they've wasted there lives and sacrificed so much for a lie.
I'm sorry that happened to you. It hurts. Congrats on the baby!
Yes, WT is really pushing the shunning. They are afraid of all the damage us "evil apostates" can do. It is sad the damage WT and the GB have done to the family unit. I hope that I live long enough to witness the demise of this disgusting cult.
Enjoy your life and your new family. We are! Those who choose not to associate with us are the ones missing out. You sound like a very nice person. It is your Grandmothers loss. Sad is that is to say, it is true. You can't change how people treat you. Hang in there! Enjoy your freedom!!
It's probably just because she heard your girlfriend is pregnant. Even non-JWs who are old fashioned (and old) can be funny about that. Apart from anything else she might find it embarrassing. But she will probably adjust. The fact that she's wanted to talk to you all these years is a good sign, and much better treatment than many former JWs experience. I'd suggest it's far too soon to give up on your Gran. Situations can be complicated, and WT is only one factor among many.
I don't believe she knows my girlfriend is pregnant. On our last day of the visit she came over to my moms not knowing I would be there. She looked a little surprised to see me and said "I didn't know you were going to be here", we really didn't talk much just a brief hello, a little awkward, I was still upset. My mother is an inactive Jdub for about 20 years and has no desire to go back, but I guess it doesn't bother her to associate with my mom.
In that case it might be because of the recent WT. It was very strong, and you had JWs with DFed relatives answering up affirming the policy.
WT has a lot to answer for.
Best to see the good in your Gran for disobeying the WT all these years. It must be difficult sometimes.
I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. I know those things can be totally out of the blue sometimes and it's hard to process. A family member of mine also seemed to set a new boundary with me about communication and I was taken aback. I had no idea an article came out recently, but now everything makes more sense. Can someone please link the article being referenced?
There's always an initial shock and hurt when something like that happens, no matter how long you've been out or how accustomed you are to that treatment. I'm so happy to have this forum and other ex jw people that I can talk about it with because how do you even begin to explain to someone that your grandma or loved one has just told you they aren't talking to you anymore because you don't share their religious beliefs. Your own Grandmother...I mean, it's insane.
The link to the recent WT study article is: https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/2017603
Yes it is hard to take in sometimes, my entire life my Grandmother has always been a central place where all of the family would go for a central base of security. Its sad to see as I get older my family slowly drifting away from each other.
When my grandfather passed away, I took it upon myself to be by his bedside watching over him until I watched him take his last breathe. The congregation my grandmother attends is one who is not very loving, very cliquish, very small town. When my grandmother needs help, we, my close family, very close family are there to help, not the congregation(even her own admission), not even some of her own children or grandchildren are their. It hurts and cuts deeply.
Article from page 16, especially last few pragraphs, studied a few weeks ago.
There was also a mid week meeting a couple of months ago replaying the DF scandinavian girl video from the 2016 Regional Assembly where dearest mommy doesn't even pick up the phone to her DF'd daughter and by so not doing is instrumental in bringing her back into the fold.