Mysterious Romantic Letter?
My story begins at noon with the letter-carrier dropping off a mystery envelope
(for my Grandson Severin (he was out walking his Chihuahua.)
(age 28) Severin - not the dog.
The return address gave the name "Lucia."
Ahhhh…
As far as I knew - there was no special love interest in his life.
Or… was there?
(Cue the music).
I placed the mystery envelope in his room and when he returned, I asked,
“Who is Lucia?”
“I don’t know any Lucia - why?”
I smiled. “She’s in your room waiting on you!”
Severin gives me his “Grandpa needs professional help” look.
(A familiar expression around here.)
Shortly afterward, he returns from the bedroom to the living room grasping the hastily opened letter in his hand - and the most bewildered (but excited!) demeanor.
I could read his face:
there was hope in his eyes.
There was a thrill coursing through his bloodstream.
Eyes opened wide with expectation; he was panting like the Chihuahua.
“What does Lucia have to say - and who the hell is she?” I queried eagerly.
“I don’t know - I CAN’T READ SPANISH!”
“Say Wha-a-a-at?”
“I took 2 years of Spanish in school and I can’t read a word of it!”
I could see how distressed he was and tried my best to calm him
“You better translate it because the love of your life, your better half - the girl of your dreams Is out there reaching out to you and WAITING to hear from you!”
I suggested placidly.
For some reason this didn’t calm him.
“There’s some clipping or something that came with the letter.”
“What do you mean?”
“It is in Spanish too. It looks like an invitation or - well - I just don’t know.”
I rallied my resourceful side and instantly came up with a plan.
“Take a photo of the letter and the invitation and send it to somebody you know who can read Spanish.”
He was getting overtaken by the spirit of this romantic enterprise increasingly, minute by minute.
“Whoever it is - “ he began, “she’s probably been admiring me from afar all this time”, he added - “only now getting up the courage to contact me - THE MAN OF HER DREAMS- to invite me to something special - some incredible date… or something.”
That last word had an extra tremor inside, like a resonant bell after it has been rung.
Finally, I twigged.
“Let me see it!”
Severin handed it over. Sure enough it was hand-printed carefully. A long letter like nobody his age even knows how to write anymore in this age of e-mail and text messages.
This was motivated by strong feelings; it was plain to see (except for the not-understanding-one-damned-word part of it) - all those hand-crafted words had poured out of a kind heart brimful of hope, longing, and probable lust!
I blurted out, “Your whole life changes from this moment forward! It was meant to be - it is heaven sent - the gods are crying out to you …”
I suddenly broke off from my impassioned, eloquent speech because my eye caught sight of the insert; that ‘other’ thing from inside the envelope.
It was like a little familiar pamphlet of some kind.
A stirring welled up from the soles of my feet all the way up my spine like an unwinding anaconda.
Somehow...someway...I intuited the images printed upon the paper.
A closer look - eyes squinting - a dawning volcanic sudden comprehension smashed my brain like a brick through a plate glass window.
(Ian Fleming had written that phrase in Dr. No referencing the Walther PPK .765 mm pistol.)
I exclaimed aloud:
“HOLY SHIT - this is a JEHOVAH’s WITNESS and she is trying to EVANGELIZE YOU!!
It all came rushing back straightaway - the pandemic has restrained JW’s from going door to door in their ministry and the Watchtower leaders have admonished the Brothers and Sisters to copy in their own personal handwriting a message about JEHOVAH’s Kingdom!
The insert is a Tract meant to propagandize my unsuspecting grandson and draw him into a web of culty craftiness!!
I explained all this aloud to Severin and watched (like an ambulance driver) as the light of hope left his eyes and the flush of pinkish hue drained from his cheeks!
Hopes dashed.
Back to an empty world of isolation and solitude.
Those insidious well-intentioned bastards!
He crumpled the letter and tract into a wad and tossed it in the trash.
I requested that he retrieve it so I could have something to write about and post here about
This temporary excitement.
Oh well. It may have been a false alarm but at least neither of us got ahead of ourselves.
Severin began to see the humor in the situation. In fact, he started laughing.
I agree. It’s just a much needed break in a rather monotonous life in a chaotic world of
Pandemic.
And that’s the end of it. I have attached the photo of the telltale love letter.
