What is your experience with conversations outside jw.org

by Gorb 6 Replies latest jw friends

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  Gorb

  I write many times how good it is to be POMO for me, my wife and children. Feeling better then ever. JW family accept this status. Elders incl family elders ignore the situation.

  For my self I have one question and I would learn from your experiences.

  It's about conversations with non jw's. During a good coffee, lunch or dinner.

  It's for me difficult to choose the dept of the conversation. I'm going for the full topic and experience that i'm too direct or / and too straight.

  I would like to discover how the person thinks about a subject and many times the conversation is locked by the person.

  Could this be a problem from my former jw life?

  Dispite this i'm well known and people like me.

  Do you recognize this and what should I do??

  Gorby
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  DesirousOfChange

  It's for me difficult to choose the dept of the conversation.

  Start by asking about them and their family and their interests. And obviously ask about whatever is involved in the venue you are at the time -- Theatre? Sports game?

  I love politics, but that has become very divided here lately, but you usually can determine which side of the topic they favor and if it's your flavor too, then share thoughts. If they're on "the other side of the aisle" then stay clear of issues.
  
  
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  KerryKing

  I don't mean this in a nasty way so please don't read this as such, you ask if it's a jw habit and from my personal experience, yes, yes it is.

  As jw we are taught that we are the only people who have the truth and everyone else is wrong, they are 'worldly' people from Satan's system. This I believe, creates such an arrogance and superiority within us that we can't stop ourselves from spouting what we believe, too much and too fast, with no realisation of how this is being received until it's too late and we've lost any connection we had with the other person.

  This sounds harsh but it has definitely been the case in myself and JWs I know.

  Once we leave the org we finally get the opportunity to learn true humility, true compassion and empathy, that draws people to you without any effort or second guessing, there's no pretence or putting on an act like JWs do, and that is instinctively felt by others. This is how Jesus himself must have been, according to the gospels, people felt drawn to him, he was on their level in all sincerity, not pretending, and from there he had people enthralled and following him day and night just to hear him teach.
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  Gorb

  @doc thanks

  @Kerry King, spot on. After I became POMO I made some good steps at work, now regional manager of a big corporation. But wat you say could be true, acting like one of them, pretending, but still a secret ex sect member. Bloody hell! You can get the man out of a sect, but the sect not out of the man.Learnig point, nice insight.
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  no-zombie

  I think that depends upon your circle of friends, as to what topics they like to talk about or how intensely it goes. In the Organization there are few with whom anyone of us could have a deep conversation ... but if you are now surrounded by uni educated people, I'm sure that you could. And in some occupations or professions, some prefer it when others get to the point.
  
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  peacefulpete

  I've been too forthcoming with people. I liken it to a recovering alcoholic.

  At the same time, I've had great conversations with people who have had parallel experiences in other churches and think it was helpful for both of us to gain perspective.

  Presently I fear I crossed a line with someone I consider a good friend, a former poster here. I didn't realize the extent to which they had returned to religion and started carrying on about something that only I found interesting. If you are reading this, forgive me.
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  Gorb

  @peacefulpete I recognize going too far, too easely.

  In a few months I will start some Socrate coaching. Will do all my best to grow on this issue.

  Gorby