After-Burn

by oldcrowwoman 2 Replies latest jw experiences

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  oldcrowwoman

  "How could I do it?How could I say it? Even though I meant it, I still feel ashamed, guilty, and afraid."

  "this common reaction to new, exciting recovery behaviors. Anything to do with owning our power and taking care of ourselves can trigger feelings of shame, guilt, and fear.

  We do not have to allow these feelings to control us. They're a back lash. They're after-burn. Let them burn out.

  When we start confronting and attacking feelings and messages, we will experience some after-burn. The after-burn is what we allowed to control us all our life---shame and guilt.

  Many of us grew up wuth shame-based messages that it was'nt okay to take care of ourselves, be honest, be direct, and own our own power with people. Many of us grew up with messages that it was'nt okay to be who we were and resolve problems in relationships. Many of us grew up with the message that what we want and need is'nt okay.

  Let it burn off. We don't have to take after-burn so seriously. We don't let the after-burn convince us that we are wrong and don't have a right to take care of ourselves and set boundaries.

  Do we really have the right to take care of ourselves? Do we really have the right to set boundaries? Do we really have the right to be direct and say what we need to say?

  You bet we do."

  "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie
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  pettygrudger

  The after-burn is what we allowed to control us all our life---shame and guilt.

  Aint that the truth!!!! But recovery - that takes years of after shave lotion!
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  oldcrowwoman

  I had a follow up to the post. Always when I am done expounding the puter freezes up and knocks me off!!! It happens in the evening.

  It helps to be able to name what I am feeling. I experienced the After-Burn last week. Confronting a co-worker. Who was under-mining my job. I am and so is the ER dept. deal's with her inappropriate and toxic behaviors. She did'nt own her part and told if she wanted to take over the main desk. She's welcomed. I was so angry. I walked away.

  These kind of behaviors has been going on for 3 yrs now. Kinda like living in a bus station. In the past she has gone to anger management and communications classes.

  I work in a dysfunctional environment. So some days its hard to keep one's head above water.

  Talking with my Head Nurse. She knew I was hot. Kept to how I feel. This is the straw that broke the camels back. I can not tolerate her behaviors. I feel its abusive. For the most part lack of respect towards other and how they are treated.

  So the key word that perked the Head Nurse ears was ABUSE. I was not going to tolerate her abuses anymore.

  Head Nurse confronted her. Told her that she needs to go back to anger management and 2 other classes. In the future if there is one complaint. She's out the door.

  Yes I felt the After-Burn, questioning myself. I felt empowered to express my feelings and when its direct. Take responsibility for how I feel.

  OCW