Underhanded Means and Trickery

dawn27

Did the elders ever try to trick you into saying too much or even trick you into having to meet with them after you said that you wouldn't? Here is my dilema: I have been inactive for about 18 mnths and moved out of the area, got a new phone number, ect. I have had the best of both worlds, a good relationship with my family (because I'm not Df'd or Da'd) and freedom from the borg. I received several calls and notes on my door before I left but would not answer them because I had already had an aweful meeting with the elders and did not want to meet again and loose contact with my family before I moved. Anyway, a sister who is married to an elder and who was a good friend to me in alot of ways got my phone number and has looked me up after a year and a half and would like to "go to lunch". I was thinking the best, perhaps she wanted to find out the real reasons behind my sudden move, maybe she had a few doubts of her own and wanted to talk or maybe wanted to stay friends despite everything (yah right). So, I gave her the benefit of the doubt as to her intentions and gave her a call. Now, she says that she and her husband (an elder) would like to meet me for lunch. So, it went from girls day out to meeting with an elder for lunch. He was a good friend to me as well but I know that they did not like the fact that I left so suddenly and would not meet again with the elders before my move so I have serious doubts about what the motivations are behind the "lunch meeting". Am I being really paranoid? I think that they will probably be wired with microphones and anything that I say will be used as "confessions" in a secret elders meeting. Or, with both of them there, it could be considered "two witnesses". I would just appreciate hearing any similar experiences and what resulted.. Did you help to get your friends out of the borg, or did they help to cement your df'ing or da'ing by repeating what you said to the elders? Also, how did you explain your inactivity and refusal to meet with the elders without putting your friends on the defensive? What should I do to protect my freedom but yet not shun ones who have been there for me in the past and who possibly still have good intentions? Help! Thanks in advance for your comments,, Dawn

Frannie Banannie

I have serious doubts about what the motivations are behind the "lunch meeting". Am I being really paranoid? I think that they will probably be wired with microphones and anything that I say will be used as "confessions" in a secret elders meeting. Or, with both of them there, it could be considered "two witnesses". I would just appreciate hearing any similar experiences and what resulted..

Dawn, you are not alone....and your doubts about their motives for meeting with you are NOT unfounded, not out of line....you're paranoid, yes, (who wouldn't be under the circumstances) BUT, that, too, is not without valid reasoning....I was df'd by my own choice and actions, however, prior to this, the presiding overseer of the cong. I was in had the audacity to have an older pioneer sis "befriend us" in order to SPY ON US, simply because my son was seeking to be baptised ...she admitted it to me one day.....YES, Dawn, their motives are questionable for good reason...stay FAR AWAY from them....do they know where you live now?...Change you ph. number or get caller ID and screen your calls....don't answer a "blocked number" or "caller not identified"....I wish you success, whatever you choose to do, hon...

Frannie B

obiwan

I myself love playing mind games with people, not too hurt just for fun. When it came to the elders, well, I always thought of a commercial I'd seen on tv, one statement, "A mind is a terrible thing to waste", that always came to mind. Get them out of thier element, which is the doctrinal thinking, and they were lost. If you hammer your question or replies to them, they end up doing the run around or as I would call it, "the rope-a-dope".

Panda

You'll do fine sweetie. Afterall, aren't you extremely busy these days? With barely enough time to brush your teeth. Gosh how you'd love to reminisce but you're trying to make a living etc.Oh and don't you really, really want to spend time with your TRUE old friends? Oh and BTW old friends how come you waited more than a year to invite me to lunch? I (you) just figured you'd (they'd) forgotten me.

A similar situation happened to me. Only it was 2 sisters (reg pio and another one who I didn't know) They claimed that they were on their way to Austin (some excuse why this other sis was there) anyway they dove into questions about my semester (college) in Beijing. How did I maintain my spirituality w/o meetings for so long. I said I had no problems, that I spoke to my husband (he's also my best friend) almost daily so anything new he'd tell me. Well, they asked, how was my relationship to Jehovah (they asked this question in several different ways none of which I cared to answer.)

My hair was standing up on my neck. My blood turned cold. I could not believe that one of my dearest friends (we'd been friends before we were jws) was trying to trip me up and get me to say I questioned my faith (which I did but I hadn't told anyone). It was devastating and if you can avoid this evil use of "friendship" definitely avoid it. I am sorry you are dealing with this part of leaving right now. JWs will try to hurt you. I think that to some extent they are jealous of your freedom, and you must be punished.

Don't play their game. Don't give them the ball (negative info on yourself) and they'll go away.

Panda

cyberguy

"dawn27" -- Was your previous meeting with the elders a judicial committee, that is, 3 brothers or did only 2 brothers meet with you? And can you explain why they wanted to meet with you? A little more background would help in determining if they really want to go after you!

stillajwexelder

I was asked by the elders to befriend a brother and later he was disfellwoshipped for apostasy -- then I was made an elder myself -- and where theocratic warfare strategy is involved believe me -- the policy is - - if in doubt disfellowship -- ask questions later -- you are right to be paranoid -- they will be quite willing to lie through their teeth -and an elders wife is classed as a valid 2nd witness - so be careful please

TNF (Trust No F----r)

Maverick

Trust your instincts. The very fact that you are in doubt should tell you something. Look at what their invitation has caused you to feel? Do you think it will get better after you meet them? Is this worry and concern good for you? Does it make your life better? Do what is right for you? God gave you the ability to think and reason, use it and follow your heart! Maverick

dawn27

Thank you all for the good suggestions and experiences. I think that hearing of what you all went through reinforces my gut feeling that there is alot more behind the recent interest in my situation than meets the eye. I don't plan on returning any future phone calls about "lunch meetings". I'd love to change my cell phone number, but that wouldn't do any good cuz they would get the new number from witness family members. Any certified letter will be marked "return to sender". That probably wouldn't help either, though, because they would still announce me as "da'd" for refusing to meet with them or open my letter right? Has that happened to any of you? My word, I feel like I was in the gestapo or just left the mob and they are out to get me. Oh, just to give a little more background, no the meeting with them was not judicial and there were only two brothers. They just wanted to know why my service hours had been slipping and why I had befriended a "worldly" man (now my husband). They reemed me out and I hadn't even done anything. They said that they wanted me to change my course before there was a need for judicial action. Well, no more judicial action for me (hopefully!). I realized that they were judging someone that they didn't even know as unworthy of friendship and I would not meet with them again. Moved and left no forwarding address. Thank you all for your input. Dawn

sens

Am I being really paranoid?

Nope. Your not being paranoid...go with your gut feeling hun.

There is usually somekind of alterior motive with them.

3 Sens 4

Underhanded Means and Trickery

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