Non-JW Wives Married to JW husbands (post inspired by WG)

by 95stormfront 5 Replies latest jw friends

  • 95stormfront

    I think many people here can applaud WG for her perseverence, her self determination, her ability in being self supporting and being able to stand up to the nonsense inflict upon her and her kids by her soon to be ex WT-whipped husband. But what of the women who are not so fortunate as to have the means to currently take care of themselves, yet are locked in marriages to JW husbands who use every WT trick in the book up to and even including the withholding of financial support for enjoying life to coerce their spouse into accepting WT doctrine they know to be false?

    I comfortably sit on the other side of the spectrum. I am the only breadwinner in the house, definetely ex-jw with no intention of going back, yet I provide willingly, though reluctantly and getting harder and harder as time progress, the extra money it takes for my wife to participate in the sparse WT activities she now currently engages in. But for how much loonger......only time will tell as I slowly see in minutae how her attitude is changing towards my non-witness status. Where do I draw the line? How much longer do I participate financially in the means that, hopefully not, will in all likelyhood destroy our strong but from what I perceive slowly weakening realtionship?

    On the flip side and back to the original intent of the post, just how do some of the women on this board, those who are not in a position to support themselves, put up with the manipulative nature of strong willed JW husbands who would like nothing more than to break their will and draw them back into the "troof"? And, by that same token, could I myself be considered manipulative if one day I choose to stop supporting my wife's WT fixes?

  • suzi_creamcheez

    "..could I myself be considered manipulative if one day I choose to stop supporting my wife's WT fixes?"

    You sound like a saint so far. She's making a lot of demands, expecting your financial support while she's "working so hard" in field svc. You've been patient, understanding and tolerant, probably more so than the people in her congregation. You say your wife's resolve is weakening...maybe she will come around to your side.

    It might take her a while after leaving the Troof to realize what she put you thru. For now, it certainly seems reasonable to ask her to contribute something. Can't she get a part-time job and pay a few bills?

    I grew up in a divided household circa 1975. My parents had a lot of bitter, violent fights. After 15 years of fanatacism my mom finally got fed up and left. She still reads her NWT bible and talks to the sisters who make endless return visits. She's found other interests and made new friends over time. My dad's still a drunk asshole tho

    WHat i'm trying to say is: you sound like a loving, caring man and I hope your wife realizes that soon. She will no doubt be very needy emotionally if/ when she makes her final break from the WT. A part of me wants to say "hang in there" but I know how frustrating it can be

    (almost as frustrating as trying to figure out how to turn of this @#$% yellow highlighter) =suz

  • blondie

    suzi, look above the reply box. Next to the "paper clip" icon to the left is an "eraser" or to the right of the "paste" icon. Click on that and it will take off the yellow.

    Been there, done that, Blondie.

  • suzi_creamcheez

    thanks blondie, you're a sweetheart.

  • rocketman

    It's a tough situation 95. I was a jw when I married a non-jw. We both worked full-time though, so support was not an issue. Later though, I did work 2 jobs while she did not, but that was primarily due to child-rearing situations. However, she did do some aux pio stuff for some months.

    As a religious woman, your wife will hopefully be willing to compromise a bit if you ask that of her. But sad to say, many jws are unflinching when it comes to that sort of thing, like taking some time away from her jw activities to perhaps work PT and spend more time with you as well, if that's another area that you feel needs to be addressed. Best of luck!

  • jgnat

    I am a non-JW wife married to a JW husband, but I am not in a position to be controlled. I am fully self-supporting. I watch the WT get an ever-tighter grip, and it is heart-wrenching to see his devotion blossom. Like seeing a husband's affections turn ever more toward a mistress. Do I put on a brave face, pretty myself up, and entice him away from that temptress, or blow my cool and kick his behind (where his brains are hiding)?

    I do feel for the dependent young adults that sign on here. They are often completely sick of the JW life, but if they speak up, they might end up on the street. I advise them to build some independence ASAP. Get a separate means of support. Build a network of friends outside the society. Make sure they have options, a plan B if things don't work out. I think the same advice would go for non-JW spouses who are dependent on their JW partner.

    I think a "soft" approach, where occassional Tuesday or Thursday nights are set aside for a fun activity away from the hall, can help. On our fun nights, I remind my honey regularly that Jehovah still approves of him. It is guilt, not heart-felt devotion that keeps them coming back to the hall. So attack the guilt, not the person.

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