my father talked to me, and HELPED me!

by jwbot 8 Replies latest jw experiences

  • jwbot

    I looked up my student bill on the web today to see how much money I was getting back from the school to buy books and school clothes. Well, turns out, one of my loans didn't come through, leaving me with a large debt, rather than surplus.

    I call up the financial office to find out the problem, my parents made to much money this year and I did not qualify. Well, my parents have no part in my education, especially financially, since they kicked me out of their house. This didn't matter. It didn't matter that I only make less than $20k a year...but no, because my parents make a nice $100K, I look like a rich brat! I didn't know what to do.

    So, for the first time in a while, I left a really teary message on my parents answering machine. I was hoping to get my mom, but it was too late, she left for a weak on vacation to Prince Edward Island. My father called back...he has not spoken to me for many months now. I told him what happened. He asked me what I needed, I told him $300 for books. He says, come by the house, I will write a check. So I quickly drive the hour drive, and when I get there, there was no conversation, I tried really hard to start them. "How is gammy?" (She had a nervous breakdown...another thread though...) and he is like "good". And thats it. He wrote me a check for $200 more than I needed, but barely talked to me. I didn't even want to take the check, but I needed it for my education.

    He was so cold...but helpful at the same time. And even still, it seemed like there were no strings attached.


    Oh, and anyone know how the university will consider a 21 year old independant? I mean...come on...

  • concerned mama
    concerned mama

    Talk to the registrar's office or the bursars's office and ask them. I had a similar thing happen to me, a very long time ago (over 25 years). My father would have had to sign a form, saying that he refused to support me and that I was independent.
    Interestingly enough, I only had one year left and tuition was much lower, and I really didn't need much, so he coughed up some money. He was too embarrassed that someone at the university might find out he wouldn't support his kid.

    We were never JWs, he had just been married too many times.

  • Valis

    Are they still claiming you as a dependent on their tax forms? And yes, go to financial aid soon! When I was going to UT Austin I slept outside almost a wekk before my financial aid came through...ah the good old days...*LOL*...Best of luck! If I speak to my friends on my campus and get some additional info I'll post back. Some sites that might help..

    Best of luck!

  • talesin


    Here's the way it works where I live: if you can show you have lived independently for 2 yrs, and not on yr parents tax returns, you can be considered independent. Hope that's some help. Student Aid should be able to help you out with this.

    As for yr dad's attitude, well, sometimes they know deep down in their hearts (?) that they are doin wrong by you, but can't admit it (thus the $$$ help, and the 'cold' attitude). I prefer to see it that way, it's more positive for me. But, help is help, so I don't question it too much, I can't read minds after all. If it's about manipulation, then I just keep aware, accept the financial help, say tks, and continue on.

    just my 2 cents.


  • shotgun

    Hi jwbot

    I'm glad your father came through with a little financial aid.....It breaks my heart though that he was cold to you. You look and sound so bright and beautiful it convinces me more and more to set aside money for my daughter in the way of an RESP so that no matter what, she has an education fund.


  • Swan

    He was so cold...but helpful at the same time. And even still, it seemed like there were no strings attached.


    Well, this is basically a good thing. He recognized that he was allowed to communicate with you for family business purposes, something that my own family has trouble with. He also felt that $500 was more appropriate than the $300 you asked for, which meant he still feels somewhat responsible in a parental way. He obviously wants you to succeed, but can't officially acknowledge it. He is between a rock an a hard place, as far as talking to you, but he was obviously glad that you did come to them when it was an emergency and you were still interested in the family. Those family bonds are stressed by the shunning thing, but they are still strong and difficult for even the WTBTS to break.


  • jwbot

    Shotgun: Put that money aside! My parents did not put any money aside because they thought that the new system would be here before we would need it, and they had 4 kids! 3 of us went to higher education...

    Now, currently, my younger brother is just starting college, and when filling out the FAFSA for him, they claimed ME as a dependant, so they could get more money for my brother. Now I do not mind that my brother gets more money, but they do not support me, so I do not consider myself their dependant.

  • jwbot

    Swan, you are right. I am so greatful for what he did for me, I cried when I go home. It breaks my heart because I know that we could have an absolutely wonderful relationship, but the borg wouldn't have it.

  • drwtsn32

    jwbot... I'm glad your dad helped you out. It's sad that he feels he must treat you so coldly though. And people say the WTS never breaks up families...

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