The Deadly Winter of 2028/29

by BoogerMan 3 Replies latest jw friends

  • BoogerMan

    A brief summary: (not summery!)

    November 2028: The Prime Minister has announced that all but emergency travel is forbidden due to the dangers of the very cold weather, as predicted by Imperial College London computer models.

    Everyone except emergency service staff and food retailers must work from home.

    To protect people, the government will provide all citizens with a newly designed duffel coat, which when tested on 43 people in clinical trials during a 5 day period, proved completely safe and effective for maintaining body heat.

    December 2028: Conspiracy theorists are now spreading misinformation on the internet which claim that asbestos fibers are integrated into the duffel coat material, causing many people to reject the offer of a free duffel coat.

    January 2029: The government has now issued new directives under the 2028 Brass Monkey Weather Act which require that all government & NHS employees must wear the protective duffel coat, or face being dismissed. Also, no travel beyond 5 miles from home is permitted unless the duffel coat is worn.

    February 2029: Office for National Statistics figures show that 13,200 deaths per week have been recorded since the cold weather began. This figure is far greater than the annual UK average which is 13,203.

    80% of the deceased were recorded as non-duffel coat wearers due to their body temperature being less than 1 degree Celsius at time of death.

    March 2029: Despite the cold weather having greatly eased, people are still dying, though in lesser numbers. Of concern is the number of younger duffel coat wearers who are still dying, but not from the cold.

    This phenomena is termed, Obscure Health Syndrome Hazard Involving Trauma. (OHSHIT)

    April 2029: Duffel coat manufacturers have advised the government that their product will only protect against the cold for a limited time. As such, they are recommending that people are given a 2nd, 3rd, and 4th duffel coat to wear every 3-6 months.

    Critics of the duffel coat scheme who refused to wear them, have been told that wearing the duffel coats had almost certainly saved hundreds of thousands lives.

    Anti-duffel coat wearers insist that their own clothing provided them with a tried & tested, safer, and more effective insulation.

    Various government officials and advisors who were found to have ignored the rules regarding duffel coats, have been given a stern talking to.

  • hoser

    May 2029: Conspiracy theorists that have mistakenly accused government officials of purchasing shares in duffle coat manufacturing firms and textile companies have been publicly shamed by government funded media as the racist and misogynistic fringe minority that they really are.

  • WTWizard

    And what about those who are smart enough to realize a duffel coat is not going to protect their feet, hands, and face from severe frostbite? Or that people in the Arctic face even worse cold without issues? For this amount of cold, the best protection is keeping your head warm (a hat, not a duffel coat, works best for that), your hands and feet from freezing, and dressing in layers. Thermal underwear, a good heavy sweatshirt, a sweater, and a parka work best for this. And these last as long as the outer layer remains in good condition, not just for a few months.

    Best: When it gets warmer, you simply remove some of the layers.

    As for wearing a specific type of coat, I would rather trust people that endure that type of weather every year on how to adapt to that. Do that, and the cold might not even be serious enough to warrant any emergency action. (Except, perhaps, not going in field circus or to church because doing that is simply a waste of time.)

  • road to nowhere
    road to nowhere

    Is this worse than usual winter brought on by global warming?

    Duffel coats use fossil fuels as does heating homes. Fossil fuel exhaust traps heat in the atmosphere causing more cold.

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