I'm Going to Break Up with My Boyfriend Today
So like the title suggests, I'm going to break up with my boyfriend today. It's for several reasons, but mostly because I'm not prepared for a relationship. I need to grow and learn what it's like to be me now that I'm not a JW and learn how to love myself so I don't make the person I am with miserable.
Unfortunately, I haven't been fading well. Between adding my new "worldly" friends on Facebook (some of whom are gay) and liking and commenting on posts that I "shouldn't" (politics, gay rights, etc.) I think it's become obvious to my JW "friends" that something is up. (I should have Unfriended them but now it's too late). Also, my dad saw a book on Buddhism in my car.
So, soon it may all catch up to me and I will loose my parents and when that happens I will be entirely alone with absolutely no one in the world who cares about me deeply and that makes me very very sad
So my question to you is how do you deal with the inevitable lonliness that comes from having almost no family or anyone who loves you? I don't want a new relationship right now and I have made some new friends, but none that care for me deeply and its so scary being entirely alone. How do you cope?
It's never easy starting a new life but it will be easier now then years later. There could be some discomfort but nothing like the hell you would be going through trying leave after you're married or with children. So get out there and meet new friends "the world' is not as bad a place that they have made it out to be.
Maybe talking to Psychotherapist might be able to help you. You are not alone.
Lauren, I think you are doing well to give yourself some breathing space. As new boy said, better now than later. I didn’t leave until age 52. Starting over was brutal. I am marred to my ex-JW husband and have two adult children and one grandchild. It has taken me five years to rebuild my life, and it was so worth it!
Lauren think of yourself as the most important person in the world. Cook yourself beautiful tasting, healthy food. Buy yourself flowers. Go to places to see beautiful scenery whenever you can, or interesting cities if that's your thing.
Stop whenever you can and have a coffee at a cafe and read a magazine or newspaper of your choice. Listen to your favourite music always even if you have to do cleaning or laundry. Go to the cinema and watch movies you know you'll love.
This works believe me. I know life is busy but we can all fit in enjoyable things. If you treat yourself as if you are loved you will find you don't miss others showing you love quite so much.
@Xanthippe I love your eloquent words! Those do sound like wonderful things to try being alone (: and like the other commenters said, I never really thought about how it might be even harder for those who DO have wives/husbands and kids vs. those who don't...I just wish my parents weren't in this stupid cult, but what can you do
Build up a network of new friends.
Please keep your dignity and self respect. Remember that everything that makes you YOU, is not dependant on external things like a religion, but is dependant on your frame of mind, values, dignity, poise and self worth.
Yes, I would also recommend talking things through with a professional counsellor who specialises in helping those who leave high control groups. It is an investment that will help you greatly as time moves on.
Much support from us!
Most on here can sympathise with you due is us being damaged goods to some degree, but as others said there are professionals who CAN help, also reading experiences of how others overcome their troubles does help. You have done the right thing by seeking advice on here because wisdom can come from the most unlikely sources. A true friend is someone who doesn't judge your motives because they know and care for you, hang in there. You seem the caring type ,real friends are attracted to people like that. 99% on here are cult affected ,we are here to look after each other.
Good for you for recognizing that you need to be by yourself right now, that is a difficult but very necessary step to take in your situation.
Yes, it will be hard, yes it will be lonely. Sometimes it is only by going through tough times that we break through to be the person we are meant to be, there is no way out but through. I highly recommend meditation. I am always available through private message if you need a friend, I usually check in several times a day.
Why we're messed up:
Please read Bonnie's book. ( more than once.)