This years memorial defeated me and I didn't even go
I have not posted in a very long time here. I would say about a year. I was part of an ex jw chat that was very helpful, but a few months ago stopped being apart of it. I figured it was time to move on and stop focusing so much on the horrible cult. But after yesterday's memorial I feel so defeated and weak. I realized I will never move on from this, I can't! I will forever be an ex Jehovah's Witness. And this cult will never leave me or my family be. My husband will never just be able to be a human, who is an an amazing father and husband and friend and hard worker. Instead is a disfellowshiped apostate and will always be to them. Recently one of my cousins who is not a witness but raised around it, moved down the st from me. She started dating my husbands good friend who knows about how ugly the jw cult is. Well as the story goes we spend a lot of time with them as a couple, we don't have many friends, which I know a lot of ex jws deal with. Anyways, my family kept bugging my cousin to go to the memorial. I figured she would go, more for the social aspect. She doesn't give two shits about god or religion. But my husbands good friend always stuck up for us and has seen the horrible damage it has done to our family. Shockingly he decided to go with my cousin! Exactly what my family wanted, to try and bait my cousin and her bf....who she lives with! Who are fornicating on a daily basis. Yet they can't be around my husband and I. And my mother actually texted me about the memorial which she hasn't done in the last two years l, saying how it's her obligation to invite me cause she's going and knocking on strangers doors and should invite her own daughter. I told her I am happy in my life and I hope one day an organization won't get in the way of our family. This is really just a rant. It just pisses me off my family wants to try and convert some of the only people in my life that I have. They bribe them with their social circle/life. It's like my family wants their replacement daughter with my cousin to try and fill some void. I just want this cult to stop fucking with my life. I could die tomorrow, and all of this if for what????? I would never have my husband or beautiful son if things didn't happen the way they did and I am happy and thankful for that. But sometimes it's so hard to stay positive, when all I want to do is scream at any jw I can. But there is NO POINT. Sorry I just needed to vent. I felt so sick to my stomach last night and I hate how this cult still affects me so much.
I find this a really annoying aspect of witnesses. If JWs were not JWs anyone would have no trouble identifying their behavior as manipuative and narcissistic and either run a mile or call them on it but because they identify as JWs they are allowed to get away with it out of respect for their religion.
My cousin invited me to the memorial this year. I actually left work early bc I thought of going... I was her maid of honor at her wedding and she just had a baby, and I can't lie I miss her. I have a husband and 2 beautiful kids. A happy life. But there is a hole, something always missing, because the first 24 years of my life are wiped away.
I just wanted to see my family... But then I started getting so beyond sad at even the thought of being there. I hate I let them still affect me like this. I hate I even considered going. Now it's in my head again. I was so depressed as a Jw and now I am not but when I think about them again it all comes back. I think I'll forever be an ex jw. No matter how much I just want to be just me. :(
So it is!
@ Ghiagirl - you have created your own life, a happy and sincere one, something which your J.W. relatives don't have. If you feel that they are mounting a campaign against you, (in any shape or form) you have an obligation to defend not only yourself but also those around you.
My suggestion would be that you study and then print out some of the numerous black & white teachings of the org which oppose what the Bible really teaches! For example:
1) The governing body claims that foreigners were not participants in the Mosaic covenant. Deuteronomy 29:10 -15 says the opposite. Who's lying?
2) The org claims that Christians must witness for Jehovah. There is not one scripture which says such a thing, but there are 29 Bible verses which command Christians to witness for Christ. Who's lying?
3) The org insists that a "governing body" resolved the 1st century circumcision dispute amongst Christians. According to Galatians 2:1-6, the apostle Paul was used to resolve the issue, and was directed by means of a vision to teach the older men in Jerusalem - not the other way round! (especially verses 2 & 6) Who's lying?
Prepare yourself and highlight such topics to your friends. Encourage them to question the "love-bombers." They will quickly discover that asking questions in "God's organization" is a huge no-no!
One of my favorite supervisors at work likes to use this phrase:
"We need to either fish or cut bait, but we need to stop trying to do both."
What helped my family and I was to just get completely out. There are 7 million Witnesses. There are 7 billion people on Earth. Your chances are statistically higher finding true friendship outside the organization than within.
I haven't spoken to my biological family who are Witnesses in years. I am actually happier being completely free of the Witnesses than being active or inactive.
I would never have my husband or beautiful son if things didn't happen the way they did and I am happy and thankful for that.
We spend a big part of our life as a JW. At some point we woke up or got pushed out.....disrespected etc. and then woke up.
That statement above, when it comes to your husband and son, is the truth.
Either way............... but especially from childhood on, we were hard wired to believe what our parents and or close family believed. That's a part of what your experiencing. The other is family relationships and how this religion insinuates itself between natural love and affection that should be present.
Sometimes coming on this forum can help.....like your post. You have expressed what so many of us have experienced. If you could see all of the heads nodding in agreement you would know how right you are.
P.S. Here's a tip for making new and really wonderful friends. The key is to meet regularly with people who share a common interest so friendships can grow naturally. Become a volunteer.......... only the very best people volunteer.
Just destroy the Bible in front of them and be done with religion. Check out all the failed prophecies and contradictions, better still show your cousin and boyfriend a picture of the great pyramid.
Not only is the great pyramid the object Russell measured to show he was right about Armageddon coming in 1914 but it was also built before Noah's flood was to have happen. Many pyramids were built before the flood and none show water damage many buildings, Mastabas and grave sites made before the flood in Egypt show no sign of flood damage. Icecore samples from Greenland and the Southpole going back 800,000 years show no sign of a world wide flood 4400 years ago.
Thanks everyone for your responses it means so much! It's good to feel I'm not alone.