Lost in time..

by Snoozy 3 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Snoozy

    Well I have been out since 1975 ( 14 years in) and have never looked back. My hubby was a JW ( active and inactive) as was his active mom and sister. Later his dad joined and his sister got married to a JW. Hubby got cancer in 2002 and died 6 months later. his JW mom came to stay for a week with him before he died as we did not live close and she was elderly. She would take him on the back porch for hours and they would talk..I am sure it was all religion. The minute I went to join them they would clam up or go inside leaving me alone. Well I put up with it because hubby was so sick. After she left he told me again how I would die if I didn't come back..something that was a daily thing for the last few years. He had been retired for 9 months when he got the diagnosis. Our retirement plans were gone. I was so depressed and it was a chore to get out of bed. His mom had convinced him when he was retiring that it would be silly to have me get his pension after he died as i would probably die first and he was so healthy. His dad had done that also. (he died first also so she got nothing) thus he left me out so he could get the bigger pension. I would have nothing after he died. (As it turned out I had 6 years to SS and I was able to collect his pension for 3 more years after he died). I couldn't talk him out of it so I gave in and signed the form that it was ok..sadly. Little did we know in 6 months he would find out he only had 6 months to live.. So after she leaves he informs me that his mom's pep talk was "Don't worry son, god will make you forget her and find you a new wife after armageddon. ".. I am thinking, is this a new teaching? I was under the impression that once you died there was no more chance of marriage..the bible called them like eunichs and it was explained it was because of the resurrection process.. I couldn't talk to him anymore. He went into his own little world till he passed away. The witnesses visited him once when alive and sent a mostly deaf older in his 80's brother to study with him. Once I was listening to him talk to my hubby about the daily inspiration book about a woman's monthly cycle and the reason for it..I almost broke out laughing ..this is what my hubby needed while on his death bed? Idiots..So when he died they came and gave me their condolences..I asked them to say a prayer and they said ;What for?. I had no answer..they left.
    to add to the story when I ws a witness I observed many wrong things..including child abuse. when I was tired of it all I wrote my resignation letter and I told them all..they said if I ever wanted to come back I would be welcome. so forward years later and I write them asking for a copy of the letter ..they refused and said it was their property now and would not even send a copy. I am sure it was because of it's contents. i thought about getting a lawyer but figured it was all over and just forget it. I did. But what stays with me now is I still think sometimes how could my Mil be so cruel to tell my hubby something like that. I had devoted my life to him and the kids .I was the one there for him when he was sick , out of work, whatever. it really hurt me. the sad part is you have no idea how much they have affected your life..how many times you will suddelnly remember things said or done to hurt you..teachings that were cruel and made you think that anyone not a JW was evil..the teachings still enter your thinking and now some of it actually makes me sick. They truly become desensitized to the evilness of their teachings. That's the scary part of the religion. How else can you explain my JW MIL's statements..When all the exposing of the JW pedophiles came out and the JW's denied it she saw the program about it on TV..her comments were that it wasn't true because she didn't know any in the religion..well she actually did she just didn't know it.. the brothers knew also, but they weren't talking..the org knew also, but they also weren't talking. So much for a loving caring religion..Now I have reunited with the daughter of one of the witnesses I used to be freinds with. she left for a while but I heard she went back. Her daughter lives here and she lives in California and she refuses to talk to her daughter . She has dementia and thinks her daughter is the devil. She talks to people that aren't there and the witnesses there have all but abandoned her as looney toons. anyway her daughter used to spend a lot of time at my house when she was a baby and growing up. She loved it there. now forward 20 odd years later and we reunited. She still believes the witnesses are right and I tried at first to talk her out of it since she doesn't go to meetings etc. The thing is when you are raised in a religion from birth it is hard to believe that your parents would teach you something that isn't true, so you continue to feel guilty for not going the rest of your life. Well she is now gravely ill. She is only in her early 50's but has severe COPD and now heart problems. She is in the hospital right now. We have grown very close in the last few months and I love her dearly. Even tho she still believes and I don't we can work around it. She accepts who I am as I do her..It can be done. I am so sorry that I most likely will lose this good friend soon and sadness is with me a lot. I try praying to a god but being a witness practically ruined any belief in a god that I could have. I do try tho..and I feel sometimes he may be there listening. Thanks fo rletting me vent..thankfully I don't feel the need often but it is nice to have a place to let it out and know that the people here totally understand what we go thru..hugs to all..Kathy O

  • new boy
    new boy

    I think your story says it all. The truth about the truth.

    The bodies are piling up in god's loving organization.

  • joe134cd

    Hey I totally understand. I had my father tell me the other day that it’s only since I left jehovah that I have started having these problems. I felt like replying with “I’ve always had these issues, it’s only now that I’ve started to acknowledge and deal with them.”

  • WingCommander

    Your late husband was a fool, and your MIL is a toxic asshole. I'd be as far away from your in-laws as I could possibly get.

Share this