You are not alone. There are so many who come here, going through similar experiences to yours. You are a very good man, showing sympathy towards your wife in her despair. I hope she has the same sympathy towards you in your gradual exit from the cult. She is really messed up by it and I hope she will realize the effects of the cult on herself and grow out of it as well. Come here to vent any time. You are welcome here.
Trying To Leave - Im Going Crazy
by pale.emperor 77 Replies latest jw experiences
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LongHairGal
PALE.EMPEROR:
Welcome to the forum. I enjoyed reading your post and was horrified at the nit pickiness and cruelty that you went through! It makes me want to get down on my knees and be thankful I was not raised a Witness, however imperfect my family may have been!
The Witness pettiness and intrusiveness you have lived through is NOT normal and underscores the fact that Jehovah's Witness have NO personal boundaries. It sounds like they were not only spying on you with your music and books but were analyzing your BMs!...This is truly sick...You have been conditioned to believe their behavior is acceptable. It is not. The public should be horrified.
I was particularly interested in the experience you had with the other elders' families when you went on vacation and these bastard elders started talking trash about members in the congregation and discussing supposedly confidential judicial matters.
This garbage doesn't surprise me! I have nothing but contempt and NO use for these f#cks and wouldn't spit on them if they were dying of thirst!! Jehovah's Witnesses are the most deluded, arrogant fools I have ever met and I'm glad I'm done with them.
I am sorry about the whole mess with your wife but I have to tell you...NOBODY has any business getting between your marriage and I hope this ends well.
Good luck to you!
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Skedaddle
Welcome to the forum!
My advice is a bit out there...
To be honest, I'd write this all down warts and all and send it to the C.O. behind your wife's back. Sorry wife but you know, ''rafter'' and all that. Say that all the elders have stumbled you and you are being harassed while you're still trying to fight to keep in after everything that's happened. After all this that you've been through, you should go out in flames and take them all down. I'd do it on behalf of the ones still in having to put up with these ''lords''.
Do you mind me asking, is the baby definitely yours? Don't answer that if you don't want. It is private. But...
It turns out, my wife had just found out she is pregnant. She confides in an elder at her workplace because she's worried about the future. This elder "kindly" advises they should keep in touch via txt but in private. Then later they end up in a hotel room "so they can talk in private". So she told me the whole story. The elder tried to keep her from telling me, warning her "if you tell your husband it will ruin your life".
Sorry, but from a woman's perspective this is sounding highly suspicious! Highly!!! Is the baby yours???
So sorry about your situation. But now you have lots of friends on here.
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FayeDunaway
Unbelievable after all that's happened to you, they would get picky about you growing facial hair...but that's the way it is, in the weird world of WT. -
pale.emperor
Wow! In just an hour I've had more support and advice from complete strangers that 31year in "the truth"!!!!
I'm truly blown away by all the support and replies.
Yes the baby is definitely mine (she looks just like me!). My wife confided in this elder a month into her pregnancy because she was worried about being pregnant and being a decent mum.
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Skedaddle
Yes the baby is definitely mine (she looks just like me!). My wife confided in this elder a month into her pregnancy because she was worried about being pregnant and being a decent mum.
and he went and did that??????????? Knowing that she was pregnant??????????? OH MY! That brought tears to my eyes:((( What an a@@hole!!! What's happened to him?
Wow! In just an hour I've had more support and advice from complete strangers that 31year in "the truth"!!!!
I'm truly blown away by all the support and replies.
Yeah the ones who stand up for themselves tend to leave hahaha or get kicked out hahahaha.
Congratulations on being a daddy:)
Now start planning on how to tear them elders a new one
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Beth Sarim
Hi Pale Emperor and Welcome to the forum. You are not alone in what you are going through. Agreed. Try not to tell anyone what you are feeling if you don't want to face a JC an possible subsequent disfellowshipping. Take things slow. Fading out of the Borg is very, very tough work. This forum is very helpful in venting, asking questions and taking advice through us. Thanks for coming here. -
TheListener
Wow, PE I am glad you posted. You will get support here. And what's better is it will be from people who have been through similar circumstances and know how the org. works.
I agree with previous posters. Keep your thoughts to yourself for now. You're in a tough situation but not impossible. I faded and my wife is still a strong believer, so is her family and most of mine. It is possible to get through it in one piece.
Questions: Does your father in law still get into your business like he did earlier in the marriage? Or because of your wife's df'ing did he back off that and now just the elders in general are "concerned" about both of you?
Growing the beard definitely raised their suspicions, but how about your wife's? Does she know anything about your doubting the witnesses?
You're not an elder/MS so you have that going for you, that's a whole extra step that you avoided having to deal with - good job!
I wish you the best of luck.
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nmthinker
Welcome pale.emperor! Your story was riveting.
Interesting your wife was DF'ed immediately after the short affair. Was the elder also DF'ed? As we've seen many times the DF arrangement can be misused to silence those who's situation will reflect poorly on the organizational arrangement. Your story makes it sound like your wife was intentionally misled whereby those who heard the DF announcement likely concluded that your wife was an unrepentant adulterer. The elders are certainly aware of this so do not rule out the possibility they did this intentionally. Perhaps they wanted to protect their name and the organization at the expense of your wife throughout her pregnancy. I'm very sorry for both of you.
Be sure to reach out for professional help via talk therapy or psychiatric medications if necessary. Protect your mental health and your family, that is what matters now.
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Pete Zahut
That's quite a story P.E. and unfortunately not an isolated one. So much of what you said about the social hierarchy growing up, brings back bad memories and this business of elders discussing with their families what was meant to be confidential, is all too common.
When one lays their JW story out in order as you have, it's obvious that something is very wrong with the religion. All the clues are there an yet as they are happening, we see them one by one as isolated incidents that are easy to excuse on their own. One day we realize these isolated incidents have joined forces and we wake up knee deep in a tangled mess that takes a major life change to get out of.
Anyone reading your story can see that the remedy to this situation very obvious and that you know what you need to do. The trouble is, it's better to live with the devil you know than to face change and the unknown.
Hopefully your wife has stopped going to her father with tales about you. That would have been a deal breaker for me if my wife did that. Since you were so understanding and forgiving about her marriage ending actions with that "elder" she will in return be supportive of your decision to stop allowing this religion to run your life. Most of what you will have to deal with to make this happen, is uncomfortable and inconvenient but the growth you experience will be worth the temporary discomfort.
You knew that showing up to the meeting with a beard would have an adverse effect on your situation. It seems to me that you can drag this thing out by going back week after week for more or you can just stop, say nothing, answer no questions, give no excuses just simply stop going there and let the cards fall where they may.
By the way, what happened to that elder ??? Seems to me he should never be in a trusted position again.
What about your father and his cancer treatments. I'm hoping he survived.