The thousand mile bullshit stare

by bohm 33 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  bohm

  Anyone else tired of this WT cliche?

  "A certain young man named Eutychus sat in the window, weighed down with deep sleep. As Paul spoke still longer, being weighed down by his sleep, he fell down from the third story and was taken up dead"

  

  How profound, this story is changing my life!

  If the offering is a burned offering of the herd, let him give a male without a mark. He is to give it at the door of the Tent of Meeting so that he may be pleasing to the Lord. And he is to put his hand on the head of the burned offering and it will be taken for him, to take away his sin. And the ox is to be put to death before the Lord.
  

  This story is so profound I just crapped!
• 

  Cota Samuel

  Psalm 137:9King James Version (KJV)

  9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.

  
  

  This is that one verse that helps me to get over my everyday difficulties.
• 

  stuckinarut2

  How about a contemplative look for the sicko Lot as he "lay with his daughters"!

  Stupid account of a so called "faithful biblical example"??!!
• 

  WingCommander

  ^^^^^ These are classic, just classic!!!!

  Here's my captions for the above:

  1.) "Am I going to be a virgin my entire life? Why don't pioneer sisters dig my 'stache and funky shirt? I'm so depressed, but I have to continually put on this new personality shit-eating grin. Kill me now Jehovah, for my soul is already dead."

  2.) "Oh how I long to suckle upon the breasts of young Sister Bigtits, but alas, I can't bring myself out as a Lesbian to her for fear of being shunned by my entire family."

  3.) "Oh my God, you're a total bitch? I'M a total stuck-up bitch too! Let's get together in Service soon and totally tear up all the less fortunate ugly sisters who's husbands were dumb enough not to go to college and have good jobs and drive old beaters. Do you want to take my Mercedes, or would you prefer your BMW?"
  
• 

  bohm

  "Lot and his two daughters left Zoar and settled in the mountains, for he was afraid to stay in Zoar. He and his two daughters lived in a cave. 31 One day the older daughter said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is no man around here to give us children—as is the custom all over the earth. 32 Let’s get our father to drink wine and then sleep with him and preserve our family linethrough our father.”

  33 That night they got their father to drink wine, and the older daughter went in and slept with him. He was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up."

  
  

  This is the best thing i ever read!
• 

  stuckinarut2

  How about a contemplative look after reading about people in the bible that lived for "hundreds of years"?

  Or accounts of talking animals?

  "hmm...yes, this makes complete sense"
• 

  bohm

  "And the sons of Gomer; Ashchenaz, and Riphath, and Togarmah. And the sons of Javan; Elishah, and Tarshish, Kittim, and Dodanim. The sons of Ham; Cush, and Mizraim, Put, and Canaan. The sons of Cush; Seba, and Havilah, and Sabta, and Raamah, and Sabtecha. And the sons of Raamah; Sheba, and Dedan. And Cush begat Nimrod:"

  
  

  I have been reading this passage for hours. This is so profound my mind has gone blank!
• 

  Cota Samuel

  Not to mention but as far as i know alcohol diluates the veins in the penis and it cannot get errect so Lot's daughter most likely made shit up
• 

  GoneAwol

  "So, God. What you're trying to lead us to believe is that Lot didn't feel his wang being ridden? TWICE? Ha ha ha ha ha!!!"
  
• 

  bohm

  Lol @ GoneAwol

  "You will be cursed in the town and cursed in the field. A curse will be on your basket and on your bread-basin. A curse will be on the fruit of your body, and on the fruit of your land, on the increase of your cattle, and the young of your flock. You will be cursed when you come in and cursed when you go out. The Lord will send on you cursing and trouble and punishment in everything to which you put your hand"

  

  So profound Jehovah, this is bringing so much joy in my hearth