Daughter doesn't want me to push my beliefs on her

by jws 28 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Anders Andersen

  This is not a fight. There are no sides. There is no contest to be won. Both of you can only lose if you push her away...

  Don't teach your kid what to (not) think or believe. Help her understand how to think and research.

  Let her draw her own conclusions. Yes, they may be different from your conclusions.

  Ask questions. Not to shame, be to understand what she thinks and why.

  Ask questions. Not to destroy and attack, but to provoke her to actually think.

  Oh btw...if your daughter actually said you shouldn't be pushy (did she really say so?), you were pushy. Even if you were not. Try to figure out why she feels that way. It can help you improve your relationship with her.
• 

  Giordano

  So I'm confused....... she wants to be a Wiccan but raised a JW?

  So I looked up Wiccan beliefs: Not all bad........ better then most Christians. On the same footing with non believers.

  http://www.religioustolerance.org/wic_beli.htm

  There are 13 Principles of Wiccan beliefs:

  Of particular interest are:

  	Principle #2 which stresses the importance of care of the environment. Recall that this statement was prepared over four decades ago.
  	Principle #4 which affirms the equality of women and men. It briefly touches on sex magick. These are a belief and practice foreign to many of today's organized religions who continue to denigrate women and fear human sexuality.
  	Principle #10 refers to the intense opposition and oppression experienced by many Wiccans at the time, typically from conservative Christians. This culminated in a lynching of a Wiccan, and two fundamentalist Christian pastors calling for government programs of genocide to wipe out Wiccans. This hatred has largely faded since these principles were written. 12. We do not accept the concept of absolute evil, nor do we worship any entity known as ‘Satan’ or ‘the Devil’ as defined by Christian tradition. We do not seek power through the suffering of others, nor accept that personal benefit can be derived only by denial to another. We believe that we should seek within Nature that which is contributory to our health and well-being.
• 

  Heaven

  If the 3 main faiths of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam started out as Witches do... "And ye harm none, do what ye will" ... we'd likely live in a much better world.
  

  Witches revere nature. They are Pagans believing all things in nature to be divine including the equal importance of God and Goddess.

  
  
• 

  steve2

  Children have an unerring ability to do the opposite of what well-meaning parents want them to do.

  This has got very little to do with reasoning sense-making and far, far more to do with teens needing to develop a certain level of developmental independence from Mom and Dad.
  
• 

  Daniel1555

  Make it known to her that you love her no matter what she believes and that she might change her beliefs a thousand times.

  Teach her to question things or views, even your own and to critically think for herself.

  This is counteracting indoctrination.
• 

  GrreatTeacher

  Steve2 hit the nail on the head. It's the teenager's developmental task to separate from the parents. She's right on track.

  All she is telling you is, I need to figure this out on my own."

  Don't consider what she says she believes to be her Final Answer. She will likely change her mind several times again.

  She absorbs enough of your opinions anyhow, without you having to say a thing. Yes, kids are that good. They pick up waaay more than parents give them credit for.

  When my son was about 13 he announced one day out of the blue that he had decided to be an atheist.

  "Oh, yeah?" I asked.

  "Yeah, Grandmom's a little weird sometimes," he said, speaking of my JW mother.

  And that was it.
• 

  scratchme1010

  I am with Steve2. I agree.
  
• 

  nicolaou

  I agree with the comments encouraging patience for a teenager trying to assert her independence but it isn't showing respect to let irrational beliefs go unchallenged.

  That's just patronising.

  You're her father, of course you want the best for your daughter. Just be kind and available and never ever indulge the nonsense that everyone's opinion is valid or that none of us have the right idea.

  Good luck.
• 

  Nevuela

  The fact that you are so sure that there is "nothing supernatural" in the world means you're an atheist, not an agnostic. Agnostics still believe in the POSSIBILITY that there is a God. They just don't believe anyone can know for sure either way.
  
  Oh, and Wiccans don't necessarily believe in a God or any spirit creatures. Some do, some don't. It is a nature-based religion more than anything else. And their spells are not about conjuring magic, because they know it is not possible. Their "spells" are merely a ritualistic form of prayer, hardly different from the Catholics with their holy water and incense.
  
• 

  jws

  @Scratchme10

  No. Not believing it something is not a belief. That's something believers say to try to equalize things and make it seem like religion is on the same footing as non-belief. And therefore, their religion is equally valid.

  If you don't believe in Zeus or Vishnu or leprechauns, is that just a belief? No it isn't. There are any number of things we don't believe in. But that in itself is not a belief. These things are things not to waste thought on until somebody proves they are real.

  Faith, or lack of it is barely brought up. Saturday, I helped her with a school project and we talked. I talk to her about her friends, how school is going, plenty of other things.
  

  What the hook this time probably was is I'm reading Jame Randi's book Flim Flam about all of the quackery going on at the time of the writing like astrology, biorhythms, psychic surgery, etc., and I've been telling her about things I've been reading. How people believe in this stuff, but when tested, it's all fake and trickery.
  
  And how dangerous some of this stuff can be. How faith healers say people are healed and they believe it and stop normal scientific treatments and then die. Or in less serious cases, you may get fooled out of a few bucks - or in more serious cases, thousands of dollars.

  I want to raise an intelligent child who doesn't fall for this stuff. But I'm also keenly aware that trying to force anything on a child usually backfires. They rebel and often go further than they would have otherwise.

  Personally, I think it's a phase. She wants to be "wiccan" to be different. She's also shy at school and just wants to be left alone by all but her friends. I personally see this as a "go away" thing to scare them. And as we live in a heavily baptist area, it will probably do the trick. She's had Christian friends who sometimes invite her to the functions for kids at their church and I let her go. Even church sometimes. But she's not really thrilled and tells me how silly some of them are. Or they ask some leading question you're supposed to say yes to and she's like "no - it's not that black and white - often yes, but sometimes no".
  
  I personally don't think I'm "pushing" it or saying she "cant". Although I am bringing up things I've learned and trying to have her see and make them life lessons for her. As I think every parent does. How does a parent guide their child away from BS?
  
  I mean if she just thinks this is "witchy" and it makes her cool in high school, that's one thing. But if she starts believing that offerings to some forest god will have some effect on the world, then it is worrisome.