Girlfriend who is a JW but has so many problems caused by the cult!

by AmIright 11 Replies latest jw experiences

  • AmIright

    OK, I am not now, nor will I ever be a JW. so ive been with my gf for over a year now and she has finally woke up to how destructive the cult was to her! She turned to it more and had private tutors? and that sort before she met me. At first she hated when I talked about what a shit hold backward religion JW is. days would go by where she wouldn't speak to me, fortunately for me she loved talking to me so it didn't last long!! XD anyway over the course of a few months we talked about it, she got annoyed that I was researching random sites on the internet (which I was) so I then turned to to fuel this fire which would lead her to hate the watchtower! I remember one day talking about disfellowship and how odd it was, she became s wound up by it she exclaimed "why shouldn't they be punished for deceiving Jehovah" or something very close to that. she realised what she said what had become engrained in her for so long a cult which taught its members to "hate" and called it love.... there was many a time since then we talked about jehovahs beliefs, I came across something very good. it was where they cant donate receive blood, but if you read the bible it also states in the same manner that you cant injest blood of an ANIMAL NOR THE FAT which many jw do, slowly he began to realise what complete bullshit it truly was, she didn't even know who Charles Taze Russel was, I then learned that jw arnt even allowed to research who creatd the cult, for obvious reasons....she recently visited her grandparents who are old style jw and that was really the nail in the coffin what bastards they were and they treated her so bad because of her mental surprised they havnt preformed some sort of exorcism on her, even when she was young there was a cover up which she does not know about!!! (yes its got to do with rape).

    but we are currently separated by thousands of miles :/ and it pains my heart so much knowing the distance between us.

    she clearly told me that if she moved she would no longer associate with the cult, she hasn't attended a meeting in a number of months either but she doesn't open up to her family because it would just be no different than throwing a can into a blazing house. she already is bullied by her mother whom she is fully afraid of.

    Have you any suggestions of what to do next on my part? anyway I can help? anything ive done wrong?

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot
    Welcome to the forum AmIright. Have you directed her to this site?
  • AmIright
    no I have only discovered this site today! its been an interesting read so far.
  • kairos
  • DesirousOfChange


    Be cautious about directing her here. She may feel we are all just a bunch of nasty apostate folks that she has been warned about. (We are.)

    Use us to your advantage. We know the WT's secrets.


  • KateWild

    Welcome to the board. You seem very caring and thoughtful. The best thing you can do right now is tell her how well she thinks for herself and how good she is at making decisions.

    This will help her support herself and leave her family home when she is stable. You can also help her make future plans.

    Take care

    Kate xx

  • Giordano

    Welcome AmIright.

    The penalty for accepting a life saving Blood Transfusion is to be disfellowshiped and then shunned for the rest of your life.

    Now notice the penalty one pays back in the day.

    12 Therefore I say to the Israelite's, “None of you may eat blood, nor may any foreigner residing among you eat blood.” 13 “ ‘Any Israelite or any foreigner residing among you who hunts any animal or bird that may be eaten must drain out the blood and cover it with earth,
    14 because the life of every creature is its blood. That is why I have said to the Israelites, “You must not eat the blood of any creature, because the life of every creature is its blood; anyone who eats it must be cut off.”
    15 “ ‘Anyone, whether native-born or foreigner, who eats anything found dead or torn by wild animals must wash their clothes and bathe with water, and they will be ceremonially unclean till evening; then they will be clean.
    By the way a transfusion is not eating blood it's actually akin to a transplant which a JW can receive.
    I agree with DOC sometimes the harm some have experienced turns to anger at JW's. It can get a little tense.
    This forum can help when she is ready to tell her story and/or introduce herself.
  • steve2

    You appear to have a strong personality - very decisive and (nicely) opinionated. That alone may be enough for her to contemplate leaving - but the pull of her family may render her very ambivalent.

    Notice she said if she moved she would no longer associate with the JWs. Hmmmmm. She can picture herself not associating in theory. But in actuality? She's unlikely to make a stand locally, especially if her immediate family live there.

    In some form or another, wherever she goes she will take her indoctrinated beliefs with her. She will make the right noises when she's around you and the right noises when she's around her folk and grandparents. I suspect she is easily directed and may not always do things because she wants to but because she's being pressured to do them.

    You also mentioned her mental illness and, reading between the lines, PTSD? Add that to the unstable mix.

    Just as she feels pressured by her family, I suspect over time she will feel pressured by you, if not already. She reminds me of someone who cannot quite make up her mind but will say she has to get people off her case. And later it will emerge she cannot cope with making a firm stand because someone somewhere will be upset by it.

    Love will find a way, I guess. But there'll be a lot of tension in the meantime.

    Is this what you want?

  • AmIright

    I have only recently seen this site and I agree about her seeing you as apostates etc and retreating back into it. I asked her this morning had she considered anything ive said about the watch tower etc, and she told me how can any of it be true since all he (Charles taze russel" did was gather a few books and put them together with his own beliefs and twisted the doctorines etc, anyway she knows its a denomination of the catholic church ( I am sort of catholic, which in youthful irish entails just putting down catholic on the census and nothing more) anyway she has realised since its a denomination on a church which had already seen many abuses to the bible how could anything in the jw be true. I think its a good start! shes thinking! she now realises she likes thinking beyond whats shes told instead of following blind orders fron millionaires ;)

    Thanks for all your comments! they are very helpful which I knew they would be coming from this site :)

  • AmIright
    Thanks steve2 , yes I pressure her but I acknowledge I do it and she tells me when she feels pressured in anyway, I will often ask randomly if she is pressured by me etc. She doesn't really care about hurting her family anymore other than her dad who seems trapped himself, his father was DF'd a while ago so his tensions with the jw has rose significantly. he pressure from her home life is great and she has told me she doesn't care for her family anylonger.... would you really give a shit about your mother if she rufuses to bring you home when you are out with the family when you would be having a ptsd (yes, she does have it but I didn't want to say it) only to be called an inconvenience by her mother and made to stay out? she was very close with her sister but now exclaims she is no more than a spy, she is careful with what she does and says now...home life is very tense. thanks for your comment and if you have any others it will be appreciated.

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